Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Side-eye

You are guaranteed to get the side-eye from me in any one of the following situations:

- If I'm the only one on an elliptical at the gym, and you have the choice of over 30 other machines to get on, but you decide to get on the one right next to mine anyway.

- If you "float" between two lanes before finally choosing one. (Actually, this side-eye is likely to be accompanied with a bit of yelling, too, so it might be more than side-eye, but it starts out as side-eye when I initially watch you wobble all over, so counts.)

- If you take your child with you into a bar. I don't care if it's "ok" now that they don't allow don't belong in bars. DUH. Drink at home with your buddies, dumbass.

- If you stand too close to me in the check-out line at the store.

- If you don't tip well.

I'm sure there are others, but that's all I can think of for now. What do you give the side-eye for?


Coley said...

Yes, yes, yes and yes. Do people in the midwest actually bring children to bars? Holy hell, I've never witnessed, but I dare say I'd give a bit more than the side-eye.

Personally, I can guarantee a side eye when you:
- Begin walking across the street without a walk sign.
- Use the words "Supposably" "nakin" "pitcher" (when referring to a "picture"), the expression, "I could care less" when really you COULD NOT care less, or any other misused/mispronounced words or phrases.
- Let your kid get away with inappropriate behavior without any disciplinary action.

Oh man, I could go on for hours. Good topic today, Faith.

Alisha said...

All I keep thinking when I read "side-eye" is "side boob" spoken in Peter Griffin's voice.


faithstwin said...

Where'd my comment go? Gah!

My side eye:
- When someone is dressed really oddly.
- When I am in the bathroom and a Mom has taken their young child into the stall with them only to find they started their period and the child starts saying, "Mommy, why are you bleeding?" Classic.
- Mr. Puppy gets the side eye constantly.

Kids in a bar are kinda ok for me. If it's a bar and nothing more than a bar (you know: walk in the door, wall to your right, bar to your left, only chairs and people drinkin'...) then it's totally wrong. But we have sports bars here in town that are meant for a family atmosphere...I just think people who take their kids there need to know kids after 9 p.m.? Not cool.

Faith said...

The bar sitch that bugged me the most recently was two dads that were out with their kids, one of which was an infant that kept crying (do NOT get me started!), and the other was about 3, I'd guess.

And both dads were drinking beers.

They were there for over 2 hours.

To say the least, all of us were very uncomfortable when they were there, as well as when they left.

faithstwin said...

Ahhh...I see. That is uncalled for. Stupid men.

Dan said...

Thanks for the tips - I love to piss easily irritable people off. Some people seem to enjoy being in foul moods, and sometimes I am kind enough to help them get there.

Have you been to Hoopers on a Saturday lunch time? Lots of kids and families having a good time. As long as kids are quiet and well-behaved, it's fine and really none of anyone else's business.

My own kids were no strangers to 75th Street . . .

As for the rest of your complaints, yeah, I kind of agree, unless you're one of those slow movers in the grocery line. Sometimes I have to give them a gentle bump just to get them moving . . .

faithstwin said...

OMG Dan- you crack me up! You hit the nail on the head with the 'easily irritable' bit. Yup. Our whole family has a way of losing it easily for one thing or another. Makes it fun at holidays to see who is in the worst mood and go after 'em...


Dan said...

Believe me, I'd fit right in! There's a family legend involving certain siblings standing outside the bathroom singing Christmas carols to me when I was most definitely not sharing the spirit.

Faith said...

Good Lord. INFANTS do NOT belong in a bar. Especially when they are with someone who is more interested in watching football and drinking MULTIPLE BEERS before then getting behind the wheel of a CAR to DRIVE HOME.

And as far as the 3 year old being there? It was well-behaved, for what it had to put up with. I felt bad for the kid, more than anything else. (But more often than not, a bored 3 year old starts running around and doing things to entertain itself. Not cool. I don't care whether you're in a family-friendly place or not. If you're a parent that likes to ignore that kind of behavior? Then you're more of an asshole than I am for disagreeing with it.)

But yeah...there's a restaurant side to the Moose. Makes sense for families to sit there. And honestly? Crying babies, no matter *where* they may be in public (restaurant, store, church, etc...), are an annoyance. Particularly to people who want to hang out, watch some games, and not feel like they're in a nursery as they do it. Hopefully this isn't exactly NEWS to people. If it is, well, go forth and be better informed, I s'pose.

Dan said...

If you're claiming the guy drove drunk with (or without) a kid in the car, I'm with you on complaining about a drunk driver. You're right - I agree. But that's not what you said.

And I also agree that crying babies should be consoled quickly or removed from the situation. No disagreement there. But that's not what you said.

But if you're complaining about a quiet well-behaved kid in a bar - especially a smoke-free, non-stripper, clean, well-lit bar like the Blue Moose, well, you're just flat-out wrong there. If a couple dads want to catch up over a beer and watch a football game, more power to them. If there's a judgmental grump giving them the side eye because she's too freaked out to get her drink on in the presence of a kid - well, heck, that's just free entertainment.

Alisha said...

I just thought of a side-eye situation. People that comment to blogs without carefully reading the blog AND and comments the poster provided with additional information. The infant was crying. That is annoying in any public situation.

Also, I'm of the opinion parents are doing a terrible job of keeping their kids in check in restaurants and other public spaces. They get major side-eye from me. Like awhile back at a restaurant I visited the mother was ASKING her 2 year old if she wanted to sit in the chair. Of course she didn't. She wanted to run around the place. You are the parent, put her in the chair! She got side-eye and eye roll.

Dan said...

Alisha - do people get the side-eye for claiming "kids don't belong in bars" if they really only mean that crying infants don't belong in bars?

Alisha said...

Personally, I don't think any kids belong in bars. I know the Moose and if they're in the restaurant part, that makes sense. The bar section should be for adults, IMO.

Anonymous said...

Do people who dodge questions get the side eye?

faithstwin said...

I, personally, have taken my kids to a sports bar before and they LOVE to go to Dave and Busters. But they are 9 and 12... when they were younger I HATED taking them to restaurants. We did a LOT of take-out instead of knowingly bugging others by letting our kids run around and expecting people to simply 'understand'. It can be very difficult, though, to decide to not attend a family meal with everyone because you know your kids might cause some discomfort. THAT is a hard one to navigate.

Faith clearly said the baby was causing a fuss making people uncomfortable as well as mentioned they were just as uncomfortable watching the men leave knowing they had just downed their share of beer and were strapping the kids in driving, more than likely, under the influence. I guess you missed that part, Dan.

Clearly you are ok with people taking kids to bars. I have to admit, I would be uncomfy seeing a child at the Moose because I know the atmosphere in there. Why not just hang at one anothers houses where the kids would have something to do while the Dads watched the game and loaded up? I dunno.

Faith said...

"As long as kids are quiet and well-behaved, it's fine and really none of anyone else's business."

Um, bullshit. You go out into public, it becomes everyone's business that you expose to the situation.

"Thanks for the tips - I love to piss easily irritable people off. Some people seem to enjoy being in foul moods, and sometimes I am kind enough to help them get there."

That makes you an asshole. Sorry...just callin' it like I see it. I may seem easily irritatable, but it's also really, really easy NOT to piss me off. Just don't be an asshole.

Oops! Too late!

I do not enjoy being in a foul mood, but it makes you soo, soooo much better than me to enjoy PUTTING someone into a foul mood. Jeezy...

Cate said...

Well, I get the side eye from parents all the time, because I am using making faces at their kids.

For example, I was on a flight recently, and a kid behind me kept kicking the back of my seat. So I turned around to make a scary face at the kid (hoping he would start crying and not dare kick my seat). Yeah, I got major side eye from the mom.

Ah, but it's so fun.

Dan said...

Faith - everything in public is your business? Wow. I'm glad most people don't feel that way, or we'd have even more people feeling entitled to comment on everyone else's looks or weight or mannerisms.

As for you being sorry about calling me an asshole, don't worry about it. I've never claimed to be better than you, either, because I'm really not.

What it boils down to is that you get annoyed if people have quiet well-behaved children in bars, and I don't. You think that everything in the public eye is your business, and I don't. You're annoyed and giving the side-eye to people, and I'm not.

You live life your way, I live life my way, and if you want to give me the side-eye, I'll laugh at you. If you want to call me an asshole, I'll be kind of tickled at your irritability. Heck, I'll even buy you a beer - just don't spill any on the rugrats.

Cate - great idea on the face! As for the mother giving you side eye - she deserved it herself. Children ARE capable of behaving well, if their parents expect it of them.