Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A little kindness goes a long way...I hope.

Recently, I started thinking that when I wave assumed-solicitors away from my front door without even opening it, hoping they take the cue to run as fast as they can down the driveway from the frantically unhappy look on my face as I try to soothe my wildly barking puppies after their knocking has sent them into spasms of freak outedness, that I might be doing the wrong thing.

I hate solicitors. If I want to buy something/obtain a service, I will look it up online, or go to the store, or even look in the phone book for help. You do not need to come up to my door to let me know you exist and want to take my money from me in return for whatever service you provide/product you are selling. That simply isn't necessary. Society has evolved waaaa-haaaay past that point, is the thing. So stop it.

Last night, I saw two people approaching the front door as I said my hellos to Leo, and had just sat down to take off my shoes. Oh no, oh no, oh no... <-- that's what goes through my head right before they knock. Why? Because my dogs are assholes, and they fip the FUCK out when someone comes to our door. Unfortunately, I haven't managed to find that dog whisperer as of yet that we so desperately need.

So these people knock, and then the dogs flip out, and I try to calm them as Leo does his creepy-homeowner bit by standing in front of the door, looking out at the person through the closed blinds. Why he does this is beyond me. I usually open the blinds, and wave the people away saying I don't want whatever it is they're selling without even talking to them.

But last week, I had a revelation. What if I was turning away people who needed help? The Christian buried deep inside my salty, hardened heart started to think that I was approaching these people in the wrong way all this time. And from now on, I needed to make sure that they weren't looking for assistance of some sort in their approach to my door.

So I open the blinds and I yell over the puppy clamour, "Are you selling something?" The chick had a handful of flyers. The guy that had been with her was standing off to the side in a way where I couldn't really see him all that well, so I don't know what he was doing. And she laughed and replied, "No!" So I opened the door a crack, and I continued to speak up over the barking as I asked, "Is someone dead, or does anyone need help in some way?" And she said, "No, I'm trying to make money to pay for college, so I'm offering free cleaning-" which was all I needed to hear.

First of all, that makes no fucking sense. Second of all, I JUST asked you if you were selling something, and you said NO. So fuck off, dumbass. It's not exactly clear that attending college would help with whatever level of idiocy you're dealing with, kay?

Of course, being that my inner-Christian was displaying itself, I didn't say that kind of thing to her face. I just told her we weren't interested, and good luck with college, and closed the door. Which I thought was very Jesus-like of me.

10 comments:

emawkc said...

When we get unsolicited door-to-door solicitors, I usually just let them knock/ring the doorbell as long as they want. Sure they my see me when I go to check who it is, but I'm sure they get the hint when I walk away from the door without answering it.

I do the same thing with phone solicitors. I answer the phone, find out it's someone trying to sell me credit protection, then just set the phone down and walk away, letting them talk until they realize nobody's listening.

Faith said...

That's what we've done until now, too. But my revelation, Emaw...you're ignoring the fact that I had a revelation. It's a very important part of the story.

I hope I can go back to being an asshole soon, really. We'll just have to wait and see, I s'pose.

faithstwin said...

I do the same thing Emaw does. I sit and ignore. If someone were on fire I assume they would be yelling, "I need help! My brother/sister/friend/mother is on fire!" Same thing goes if they have found a dead body and think ringing my doorbell as opposed to calling 911 will get them further help they might need from an unlicensed, untrained lazy ass.

In my experience it is not worth opening the door. People who haven't invested in annoying alarms such as the Loudest Set Of Barking Dogs Ever should say, "I'm not interested!" in case it is someone casing the joint to see if it is safe to break in later that night. I find my dogs barking wildly as if they were the wolves from the Twilight series does the job FOR me.

Faith said...

What if they don't have a phone? What if they have a phone, but it's not charged?

Side note: last year, our neighbor's little girls came to our door, and Leo answered. He told them, without asking what they wanted/needed, that we weren't interested. They walked back home.

I suddenly worried that maybe something had happened to their mom, and their dad wasn't home, or viceversa, and neither were the other neighbors they knew, and maybe they were coming to us for help. So I told Leo we needed to go over and make sure everything was ok.

Yeah, it turned out they just wanted to sell us GS cookies, but still! I told them that if they ever needed anything, we are a safe place for them to turn. We didn't buy any cookies. We did this year, though, so hopefully that made it up to them. :D

faithstwin said...

Then they should be calling out, "Call 911! My brother/sister/friend/mother is on fire!!!"

Faith said...

That would be a helpful clue. Perhaps my revelation was mislead by my imagination. Hmm...

Jill said...

Dude, its you and Jesus are one and the same. Now turn my water into wine!

Faith said...

Hahahaha! Jill, that'd be so awesome. Unfortunately, Jesus is only bestowing the sense of remorse and guilt in me as of late. Not so much with the miracle producing. He really needs to get on that, IMO.

Anonymous said...

lotsa talk about jebus

Faith said...

How very astute of you, Anonymous. (Hint: it's called sarcasm. If you don't recognize it, then don't worry...it just means you're likely a boring asshole who doesn't like to identify themselves on blog post comments.)