Dear Vermin in Our Yard,
If you don't stop stealing/biting into our tomatoes that we are so lovingly growing in our backyard, I'm likely to find a way to poison said tomatoes, and then hang your little lifeless bodies from a tree to set an example for all other vermin contemplating the deliciousness that does not belong to you.
In the mean time, I hope you get terrible, painful, ugly runny poop problems from the underripe tomatoes you keep stealing. Assholes.
The People Who Allow You to Live in Their Backyard