Thursday, September 10, 2009

If you're squeamish at all, don't look at this...

WTF IS this thing???
I found it in our kitchen on Sunday. WHAT IS IT?
It's front legs were really long, and it looked all creepy! It was about the size of a dime, including the legs, but it was so. weird.

Anyone know WTF it is? (And don't be smart and just say "spider" because duuhhh. I want to know if you know what fucking planet it's from, for chrissakes!)

I did what any other cool person would do, and ignored it, and it went away eventually. Leo wasn't home, so it wasn't like I was going to TOUCH the damned thing. I mean, lookit! It's a fucking minion of SATAN, for cryin' out loud! You just have to give those kinds of things space (after taking sufficient blog pictures) and then ignore them until they disappear to their own hole in the ground, or crack in the wall, or lint ball they came forth from.

Was that a mistake, though? Will we eventually get bit, filled with it's evil magic serum, and turn into a puddle of former flesh that it can eat and grow from, becoming bigger than our house and then rampaging the city looking for cars to crush, houses to stomp, and people to feed off of? Let me know, and I'll...have Leo look for it.


Bev said...

Hi Faith! It sounds like a Crab Spider and it's pretty much harmless, which is a good thing since you didn't kill it!

BTW, I've been reading your blog and I enjoy your humor and frankness.

I also have lived in haunted houses and I found it helpful in some cases to just ask the spirit not to let me see or feel them and not to frighten me. If all else fails and you are uncomfortable, you can always burn sage.

Keep up the great blogs, I love reading them!

"The D" said...

When ever you see a critter like that KILL IT IMMEDIATELY!! Other wise it will crawl in your mouth while you sleep and lay eggs.

faithstwin said...

*GHASP* The D!!!! You are so MEAN!

Twin, that is not true. Friggin D. I will get you. I swear it. I will be in KC during one of the meet ups and you will be frightened!

Crab spider? It looks like crab legs. Why is it glowing? THAT is freakaayyyy...

I agree: Leo needs to take care of it.

Faith said...

Ok, a crap spider...that does sound way less scary than Minion of Satan Spider, or Spider from the 2nd Ring of Jupiter. I can deal with a crab spider.

It really was that flourescent. It was just bright yellow, Twin, and then the flash from the camera made it glow like that. I probly should have turned the flash off, but oh well.

Thanks for the help! And D, if I wind up with a nest of crab spider babies in my mouth, I'll go ahead and bring them over to your house. I bet you'd be a good crab spider daddy.

Faith said...

Hahahahahaha! Um, crab, not crap. Fuck me...

emawkc said...

You totally missed a golden opportunity here.

That glowing green phosphorescent spider is obviously a radioactive spider (probably radioactive from the high radon levels in you basement/crawlspace).

If you could have gotten it to bite you, you would have woke up the next morning with bitchin' Spidey powers (like walking on walls, slinging webs, and super fast Spidey strength).

Your loss.

faithstwin said...

lol Emaw- I was sorta thinking the same thing.

Then I imagined, no offense to my Twin who is the same size I am, a large spidey woman crawling up the side of buildings and shooting a web across some great chasm with crowds of people gasping below wondering how the thin web can possibly hold her?


Faith said...

Dammit, I can't believe I didn't take advantage of that shit. Fuck. ::kicks dirt::