Thursday, October 08, 2009

I'm gonna hide all his clothes, I swear.

Scene: Another night on the Smith sofa, as Faith and Leo catch up on some ANTM together, and make fun of Tyra while they secretly die inside because they still haven't figured out how to be as vapid and senselessly entertaining as she is, thereby making their mark on the world while at the same time raking in gazillions of dollars every year.

Me [to Jake]: Where's the pink kong? Did it roll under the couch again? Damn that kong!

Me [to Leo]: It's under there with those damned socks, you know. Can you just please get them out from under the couch, once and for all?

Months ago - I'd venture to even say it's been about a year - Leo came home from work and took off his shoes and socks. The socks somehow got shoved a little under the couch. Then the next day they got shoved further. I asked him to get his socks and put them in the laundry. They were gone the next day...or so I thought until I was searching for dog toys a couple of weeks later. Yeah, they had been shoved further under the couch, and were visible either from across the room, or if you were searching under the couch for something, like a dog toy small enough to roll under it. Every once in a while, I remember those damned socks are still under there, and I ask him to please remove them to the laundry. He laughs at me, and ignores my request. It is REALLY fucking obnoxious.

Leo: *laughs*

Me: Seriously, why the fuck won't you clean up those socks?

Leo: ...

Me: You know what? I've had it. Tomorrow morning, after you head out the door to work, I'm hiding all of your fucking socks. All you will have left are the damned socks you wear to work tomorrow, and the pair that are under the fucking couch. And we'll see how you like that.

Leo: What's the big deal? No one notices them except for you.

Me: ...

Me: Wait, why is that even a qualifyer for the nonsense of the socks being under there? Your socks don't belong under the couch! Who the fuck cares if, as you say, "no one notices them." That's like a 12 year old's argument to why they don't clean their room!

Mind you, we've had two parties since those socks started living under the couch. I'm sure that anyone that sat across the living room from the couch could see those goddammed things under the couch, and wondered whether it was safe to continue noshing on the delicious salami, cheese, and crackers we laid out for them to eat.

Leo: *ignores Faith*

Me: Ok. Fine. Hope you like living with 2 whole pairs of socks to your name!

Leo: Why do you think that hiding my socks would make me want to clean those socks out from under the couch?

Me: ::blinks:: What? Maybe because you'd only have TWO PAIRS OF SOCKS!!! And that's AFTER you clean the ones you wear to work tomorrow, along with the ones that are living, probably in a petrified state, under our fucking couch! GOD!

Leo: *ignores Faith*

Me: ::sigh:: [Goes back to watching ANTM]

[And doesn't hide all of Leo's socks today like she threatened to. Because she cleaned the kitchen instead, and didn't have time for the silly sock game today, but totally plans to do it tomorrow instead.]



Ms. Pants said...

I say.... Grab the socks from under the couch without him knowing. Put them aside where he won't find them. Let everything die down for a week so he thinks you've forgotten about it.

Then, take his socks from where-ever he keeps them and hide them somewhere that only Jeffers could find them. Put ONE dirty couchsock in the sockplace.

And if you want to get truly dirty with it (which will speak volumes about why I remain single), hide one of each of his shoes. And all of his underwear except a man-thong in an obnoxious colour.

Faith said...

I'm giggling profusely right now. I wonder if Jeffers would willingly play this game with me?! Because that would be fantabulous!

Layla said...

That would be awesome!... I wonder if Leo's friend "traumatized" him when it comes to couch socks?... You should know what I mean, if not, ask him... ;)

Dan said...

Since they're bothering YOU, but not bothering HIM, why don't you relieve your own stress by picking them up yourself? Then everyone will be happy.

Faith said...

Because they aren't my socks, Dan.

Also? I'm not the fucking maid. I pick up my shit, do my share of the cleaning/chores, and work 40 hours a week, just like he does. I think it's not too much to ask for him to pick up his stinky, worn-all-day-at-his-CHEF-JOB socks and launder them accordingly.

Plus, it's funny. And interesting that it's gone on as long as it has. It's like living in a social experiment around our house sometimes. I know how much you love sarcasm and that sort of thing, so you'd probly hate it around our place.

faithstwin said...

I dunno. I say you take all of his socks and dye them pink.

"The D" said...

So hid his socks, big deal. Socks are like 4 dollars for a pack of 6 pairs. He'll just get more. No biggie.

I read Dan's comment and thought "Oh shit she's gonna murder Dan"

faithstwin said...

The D!!!! You clearly do not know how Faith handles a budget!

You're gonna paaayyyyy for that comment, babes.

p.s. I thought she would jump on Dan, too...

Faith said...

Hahahahaha! You guys are foonay.

And I wouldn't mind if Leo bought new socks. He can do whatever he wants. As long as he doesn't mind that I systematically donate his entire wardrobe to Goodwill until those socks come out from under the couch! :D

faithstwin said...

He's gonna start wearing your bathing suit OUT of the house if you do that...