Friday, October 30, 2009

Work, shmurck

I'm supposed to be watching/listening to a presentation by our CEO right now regarding our 3rd quarter performance. I'm pissed that I can't, because the web feed for the presentation is all choppy and fucked up. (Somehow it tends to work fine for all the smaller, less important meetings that I could give two shits about, but the BIG meeting that I want to pay attention to? Of course its the one with the issues. :roll eyes: )

So I'm going shopping instead! Work can suck my big left toe today. :P

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Irony - I haz it

I find it mildly ironic that the lady that I spoke to yesterday at my neurologists office for an appointment was complaining to me about the headache she had. I suggested that maybe the change in weather was contributing, but she said she tends to have migraines, so yeah. It was probably that. I made soothing sounds and said I was sorry she was in pain. And then we made my appointment to see my new neurologist in a few weeks (my last one abruptly left the practice, for some reason, and I need someone new to prescribe my meds for me), and we said goodbye.

Why doesn't she just walk back, ask someone for help, and get on meds like I'm on? They're specifically used as a profolaxis for migraines and more severe headaches like my clusters.

Maybe she's a Christian Scientist?

Naw...then she wouldn't work in a medical office, right?

I'm confused.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Two faithful, fabulous, fun-filled years of utter jo-hahahahahahaha! Sorry...I couldn't finish that without laughing.

I realized last night that I’d failed to write the proper post yesterday, writing about my beloved Domokun dolls rather than a post in celebration of my anniversary with my beloved husband.

Leo and I met thanks to my love of football and beer, and his sometimes-torturous employment at the Blue Moose several years ago, and the rest is history.
Yesterday marked 2 years since our fabulous wedding here in town...



...and we celebrated accordingly with a delicious turkey sausage casserole and a bottle of a favorite red zinfandel, and a depressing as hell movie called The Edge of Love. (It was very good…it was just sad.) Don’t worry…we’re planning a fancier celebration at the end of the week at a favorite restaurant. We don’t get paid until Friday, and I kind of fucked up in the budget process again this last pay period, so yeeaahh…I’m cool.

Anyway, I love his tall, handsome...

...gangly, goofy...

...wonderful ass, and look forward to many more years of torturing him with my moods, be them up or down! (I’m evil like that. Mwahahahahaha!)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Hallow-Domokun!

I admit it. I am Domokun-obsessed, ever since I first saw him over on Mikey's blog back in the day. It's become a problem. Mostly because I now have several little Domos in varying costumes roaming around my desk area. The Twin started it...when I was unable to locate a Domo in a local Target last year when they had him in stores for some monster-type promotion (he is NOT a MONSTER!), she sent me a devil Domo, and he's been hanging out at my desk ever since.

This year, one of my friends on my message board, knowing how much I love me a Domo, put up a post with a picture of a Domo decked out in a pumpkin costume for me to coo over. I again went to the local Target, and found nothing. So Twin suggested I check out Amazon.

YES! I found the pumpkin Domo, along with the Franken-Domo, and a Domo t-shirt that I'm not quite sure how to wear, since it's a wee bit too huge for me. But it's mine all the same!

Here's my new Domo-desk at work...

Franken-Domo!!!


Pumpkin and Devil Domo are hanging out together...

The twin sent me the picture below yesterday, with the title "Jesus" on the email. Because it looked like a Jesus covered in a sheet...perhaps masquerading as a ghost in the spirit of Halloween? It's not the greatest shot, and she intended to go back later and grab a photo with her camera, rather than to just have this one from her phone. But the fuckers had already taken the thing down.

The main problem was that it was the only decoration in this yard, and it looked...odd. I think it looks as if the ghost is spreading it's arms in prayer to the great god of Houses With Tile Roofs. But it does NOT look like a foreboding, scary, Halloween decoration.

Another house down the street from the Twin got it right. Their ghost appears to be swooping in on the doorway, ready to haunt anyone who dares cross the home's threshold!
That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Anyway, we haven't decorated our house at all, so I'm not really one to talk! I have my Domos here at my desk, and we do have a couple of lanterns in our living room to get in the holiday spirit, but we don't have anything outside. I didn't feel like making any effort this year, is the thing. We won't even be home to give out candy, because damned if the USC game isn't on at the same time as another Big 12 game that will take precedence, so we'll need to search out a bar to watch it at again. ::sigh:: Who makes those kinds of decisions, and if I send them a boobie shot, will they reconsider the USC on ABC thing they have going on this year? I liked it when they were on FSN a lot. I miss that. Let's do that again.

So what do you have up for decoration at your house? Do you go all out, and put the fake cemetary in your yard, or put up orange twinkle lights? Do you have a ghosty Jesus? If you do, I promise not to judge...too much. :P

Monday, October 26, 2009

College football related...just to warn.

Kind of along the lines of the last post, there are an awful lot of QBs that seem to want to give the "glory to God" when it comes to their performance in a football game. Tebow is a well-known Jesus/God praiser. As is the new QB for USC, Matt Barkley (dammit!). And then I heard a recap yesterday for the Texas game when Colt McCoy was talking about their win against Mizzou, and he said that he had to give the "glory to God" for their win.

To which I said, "Um, you might wanna give the glory to the crappy team you were pitted against, dude. And maybe give some glory to your team mates. You know, the ones who you can actually prove exist, who were on the field actively playing the game with you? Because I'm pretty sure God could give a flying shit about you and your ability to throw a damned football. You looney tune." (And yes, I was talking to the t.v. when I said it. So what? Who doesn't talk to their t.v. every now and then when they feel the urge?)

Where do these people come from? Did they ALL go to Jesus Camp when they were little? Because, FFS, Jesus and God do not CARE about your damned performance in a fucking football game! They are far too busy dealing with the bigger things in life...you know, the wars, and the famine, and the earthquakes that are killing gazillions of folks all over the world. It's not like they just deal with that stuff Monday through Friday, and then Saturday, they pop a big ol' God-sized bowl of popcorn and crack open a Bud and sit down on the couch to focus their "glory" on your passing game for 3 hours. You cretins. ::roll eyes::

Ok, that said, the 57 yard field goal that Jacob Branstetter kicked right as the first half ended in the KU game was fabulous. And in waching it sail through the uprights, I came up with an idea: I think that any successful field goal kick from the 45 yard line should earn 4 points instead of 3. Because, dayum.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Nothing better than this

Just watched Tim Tebow throw an interception in his endzone, which was then run back by Miss St for a fucking touchdown. MAN! And then Tebow is all hurt puppydog style on the sidelines, and his coach won't even look at him. Ha! Where was Jesus on that play, huh Tebow?

Oooh! And now they're fightin'! This game is awesome!!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Warm and fuzzy? Um, no. Bitchy and prickly? HELL yes.

I just want to start off a relatively random post with the fact that you men out there? You who don’t already appreciate the fluctuation in hormone levels women have to go through every month? The ones who think that we’re just bitches/moody/unreasonable human beings every once in a while just because? The ones who I wish could take birth control in order to prevent pregnancy in their relationships so they could deal with the fun that is supplemental hormone ingestion?

You guys can all step the fuck off. Ok? Yeah, you heard me right. I’m in a FOUL mood if ever there was one, and whether it is tied to the incredible (read: disgusting) evening I had with Leo and one of his childhood friends on Monday night, or to my birth control hormone levels this week, I don’t know for sure. But I can damn well tell you that I am NOT a warm fuzzy person this week. Nuh-uh.

And before it happens, this is not a request for suggestions on new birth control I should try, or anything like that. So please, keep the comments snarky, funny, or to yourselves on that subject, hm? I like the funny…please BRING ME THE FUNNY!!!

On to some recent observations and shit I’ve been wanting to “chat” about…

Anyone else watching Cougar Town? That new show on ABC with Courteney Cox in it? Because it really is entertaining. I think my favorite parts of it are when she sees her neighbor outside, and goes running over to have a conversation with him, always opening it by calling him her “paper buddy”. But I also love her ex-husband. And her fucking GORGEOUS boyfriend. And her assistant. Oh! And her kid.

Aw hell…I love it all!

The thing that bothers me, though, is what the hell happened to Courteney’s face? Is it her teeth? It seems like it’s her teeth. Like, they’re fake, or something. It’s like she has some of those fake teeth in her mouth that those creepy little girl beauty pageant contestants wear to make them look more grown up, or whateverthefuck they’re used for. Regardless, it’s disconcerting, and while I love the show, I really want the old Courteney Cox back, dammit. (Oh, and if God is reading this, can I please be blessed with a body just like hers while I sleep tonight? It’s been long enough with the current body I have, thanks. Time to switch it up a lil’ bit, man! TIA.)

Side note: did anyone else know that was how she spelled her first name? It is according to IMDB, anyway. Weird. I had no idea it wasn’t just “Courtney”. Hm. (All my show links have to come through IMDB today, rather than from their actual websites, because my internet at work is being very selective on where it lets me go today. For instance, no Google, but Blogger is fine. No ABC, but IMDB is a-ok. It's a weird day. I think I need to crawl back into bed now...)

We are also watching the new Modern Family show that’s on ABC, right before Cougar Town. We love the shit out of it, too. I like to think that I’m most like the fatter gay guy, and Leo is like the redhead gay guy. You know, if we had to be characters from the show. I mean, I’d LOVE to be like the lovely transplant from Colombia, married to Al Bundy, who looks like she slid off a mudflap, as the lovely character played by Julie Bowen observed in last night’s episode, but let’s be real…I’m more like a fat gay dude than a gorgeous Colombian on most days, and you all know it. Anyway, it regularly makes me laugh heartily, and that is all that matters. Try watching it if you haven’t already.

Movie-wise, here are my latest picks that I would suggest: 500 Days of Summer - awesome movie, awesome soundtrack…loved it!; Year One, which is ridiculously stupid, and perfect for kicking back and watching with a bowl o’ popcorn, and a beer or glass of wine, or whatever; I Love You Man, which is similar to Year One in my perception of it's silliness, except a little bit less on the ridiculous side; Management, which was a random Jennifer Aniston/Steve Zahn comedy that was totally worth putting on the Netflix list…we really liked it!; New In Town, which is effortlessly silly, thanks to the stereotype that IS Minnesota. Even though the ending was a little corny and contrived, it was still a good movie for an otherwise might-be-boring night. We’d recommend it.

Movies I would NOT recommend: I had to watch He’s Just Not That Into You on the plane ride back from California at the end of last month. I think I’d rather have dealt with 3 hours of severe turbulence, and being surrounded by crying babies*. It SUCKED. Just was absolutely terrible.

So, to wrap up, try to avoid passing any kind of negative judgment on women because we’re only like this due to the hormones, watch the shows/movies I recommended, and burn all copies of He’s Just Not That Into You (the movie) that you can get your hands on. Ok? Ok.


*Alright, I’m not THAT crazy, but the movie did suck a whole lot. I was just trying to find a way to impress upon you all the amount of suckage that is involved in it, is the thing. Hope that worked!

Monday, October 19, 2009

We kinda hate our vet.

Puppies are awesome.

But they're also a pain in the ass.

The awesomeness usually wins out, though. At least in our home, it does.

Jake has been dealing with a small bump on his tail for the last few weeks now. It started out as a barely noticeable (to him) hard knot-type of thing, and then it started getting annoying to him, and made it so we can't brush his tail, and so we took him to the vet to make sure it's not cancerous or dangerous in any other way. $100 later, they said to just watch it over the next month, and it should get smaller.

Great. Thanks.

It didn't really get smaller until Jake started getting really bothered by it, and started nibbling at it all the time. So now it's definitely smaller, but we couldn't tell if it was because he'd chewed half of it off, or if it was actually getting better. Doesn't matter...it's an open wound now, thanks to all his nibbling. So Leo took him in to the vet today for a follow-up. They gave him a cortisone shot, and this lovely present...
Awww! My poor little dude! Leo is having a ball watching Jake run around the back yard trying to navigate things with the addition of the cone. I guess getting under the deck was right out. But he's able to move around the yard without tripping and hurting himself, which is good.

Hopefully, the little bump on his tail will heal quickly. I feel so bad for him! He's such a chipper little guy, I hate for shit like that damned bump to get in the way of him enjoying life.

Friday, October 16, 2009

It's being beaten all dead horse style, but still...

...the child? With the crazy parents? And the balloon thingamajig? With the throwing up performance on GMA this morning?

Yeah, that whole thing is fucking nuts. Those parents need to check themselves into a mental facility and have some tests run, IMO. Bullshit they didn't plan the entire thing. BULLSHIT I say!

Stupid people shouldn't be allowed to reproduce, dammit.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Great. Now I want a pancake.

Coffee drinkers, help me out here...

One of my coworkers/cube-neighbors drinks a coffee every morning that smells like maple syrup. Most mornings, it nauseates me, but I deal...the smell only lingers for about 30 minutes, and then it goes away. I'm sure they get bothered on a daily basis with my loudness and general debauchery, so it's an even trade, IMO.

What is the attraction to drinking a coffee that tastes/smells like syrup, though? That's what I don't understand. Anyone else out there drink a flavored coffee that can help me understand this desire? If I drink coffee, I want it to taste/smell like coffee. (I don't drink it often, but when I do, that's how it be.) If I wanted syrup-flavored items, I'd make myself some fuckin' waffles in the morning. And no way/no how do I want to drink the syrup. Because...well, ew. So WTF is the deal with it?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Um, isn't *every day* "boss's day"?

My coworker just sent out an email to the team of admins we're a part of that said, "Boss's Day is Friday: anyone want to share what they are doing or buying?"

I want to reply, "Isn't every day "Boss's Day"? :P I think I might just get him a 6 pack again. Like usual. Or maybe I'll just send a letter to Hallmark and tell them that creating a day especially for kissing our boss's ass was sort of redundant of them, and I expect better in their next "day" creation, dammit!"

But I don't know if that'll go over too well.

Srsly, someone please explain the point of Boss's Day to me, will ya? And while you're at it, per request of the Twin, WTF is up with "Columbus Day"? I don't get the day off, and the stock market is open, but mail delivery is shut down, as are banks. Why? Why do the banks need to celebrate Columbus while the rest of us get up at our normal time, and go to our jobs, like it's any other Monday?

Maybe it's some sort of sign.

I had almost debilitating heartburn as we buzzed through the self-checkout after spending about 40 minutes in the Walmart grocery not too far from our house yesterday afternoon.

"Gah! I need a zantac...and some wine!" I told Leo as we headed out to the car.

Then we ran into Whole Foods for 3 items that Walmart has apparently no interest in carrying (fontina cheese, ridichio lettuce, and a buffalo shoulder), and as we headed out of that store, I suddenly took notice that my heartburn was gone.

Hm. ::ponders significance of it all::

Thursday, October 08, 2009

I'm gonna hide all his clothes, I swear.

Scene: Another night on the Smith sofa, as Faith and Leo catch up on some ANTM together, and make fun of Tyra while they secretly die inside because they still haven't figured out how to be as vapid and senselessly entertaining as she is, thereby making their mark on the world while at the same time raking in gazillions of dollars every year.

Me [to Jake]: Where's the pink kong? Did it roll under the couch again? Damn that kong!

Me [to Leo]: It's under there with those damned socks, you know. Can you just please get them out from under the couch, once and for all?

Months ago - I'd venture to even say it's been about a year - Leo came home from work and took off his shoes and socks. The socks somehow got shoved a little under the couch. Then the next day they got shoved further. I asked him to get his socks and put them in the laundry. They were gone the next day...or so I thought until I was searching for dog toys a couple of weeks later. Yeah, they had been shoved further under the couch, and were visible either from across the room, or if you were searching under the couch for something, like a dog toy small enough to roll under it. Every once in a while, I remember those damned socks are still under there, and I ask him to please remove them to the laundry. He laughs at me, and ignores my request. It is REALLY fucking obnoxious.

Leo: *laughs*

Me: Seriously, why the fuck won't you clean up those socks?

Leo: ...

Me: You know what? I've had it. Tomorrow morning, after you head out the door to work, I'm hiding all of your fucking socks. All you will have left are the damned socks you wear to work tomorrow, and the pair that are under the fucking couch. And we'll see how you like that.

Leo: What's the big deal? No one notices them except for you.

Me: ...

Me: Wait, why is that even a qualifyer for the nonsense of the socks being under there? Your socks don't belong under the couch! Who the fuck cares if, as you say, "no one notices them." That's like a 12 year old's argument to why they don't clean their room!

Mind you, we've had two parties since those socks started living under the couch. I'm sure that anyone that sat across the living room from the couch could see those goddammed things under the couch, and wondered whether it was safe to continue noshing on the delicious salami, cheese, and crackers we laid out for them to eat.

Leo: *ignores Faith*

Me: Ok. Fine. Hope you like living with 2 whole pairs of socks to your name!

Leo: Why do you think that hiding my socks would make me want to clean those socks out from under the couch?

Me: ::blinks:: What? Maybe because you'd only have TWO PAIRS OF SOCKS!!! And that's AFTER you clean the ones you wear to work tomorrow, along with the ones that are living, probably in a petrified state, under our fucking couch! GOD!

Leo: *ignores Faith*

Me: ::sigh:: [Goes back to watching ANTM]

[And doesn't hide all of Leo's socks today like she threatened to. Because she cleaned the kitchen instead, and didn't have time for the silly sock game today, but totally plans to do it tomorrow instead.]

[Maybe.]

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Not just for driving, you know.

So Monday is kind of a wavy, weird blur of a day to me at this point. My headache got consistently worse throughout the day, so I went home from work a little before 2 and took a new pain pill and tried to sleep it off. The pain pill I took was successful...the pain was knocked out, thank goodness! But at the same time, it made me extremely drowsy. This wouldn't have been a problem, since all I wanted to do was sleep in a cool, dark room with a headache like that attacking me, but it also had the side effect of making my limbs all feel like they were made of lead. (Which it warned about on the box, so I was prepared! As long as it didn't have the same side effects of making me feel like I was having a heart attack like the previous one I tried, I was willing to give it a go.)

After an hour of sleep, I woke up from a nightmare (another fun side effect, apparently) with a distinct need to pee. I laid there and tried to convince my arms to push me over to the side of the bed. No good. I told my legs to kick off the blankets so my arms might have an easier time of it. Nuh-uh.

After a good 3 minutes of thinking about moving, and then worrying about whether I was going to piss the bed, I finally was able to make my brain connect with my limbs, and made them move me to the bathroom. Slowly. And with the help of the wall to lean on.

It was so. weird.

I slept for another couple of hours after that, again with more nightmares interrupting the peace, and finally forced myself to wake up at 6, so I could be assured of a good night's sleep that night. I know this was different from the average "nap" but still...I went to sleep at 2:30. I didn't want to wind up being wide awake at 2 or 3 in the morning, thereby totally fucking up everything I was doing to get the headache to go away and make myself feel better, you know? Plus, srsly, those dreams were disturbing. I wanted to stop having them, if possible.

Leo hit up a new (to us) liquor store on the way home from grabbing us sandwiches from Jimmy John's for dinner that night. He came home and told me that he had found a bottle of one of our favorite wines in a merlot, but knew that we prefer the cab in that brand. So he asked the salesgirl for help. She said she didn't know if they carried anything called "cab". She looked and saw that they had something called a "cabernet sauvignon", but no "cab".

:blink blink:

Leo told her he was fine with the cabernet sauvignon, and headed out.

Good times. ::shaking head::

Monday, October 05, 2009

Cluster you know what (Updated)

I am under the weather. I either have a cluster headache, or I have the flu...it remains to be seen. Yesterday, it felt flu-ish. Today, I was able to get out of bed and shower without too much issue. I was hungry for breakfast, so that was a good non-flu sign.

But I still had the headache that I've had since Saturday night. NOT such a good sign.

I'm inclined to think it's a cluster attack at this point, and I want to go home, drug up, and go to bed. If I'm not feeling better by lunchtime, that's exactly what I intend to do.

I had a rough Saturday night that made me think I was hungover more than anything else yesterday, but when I was still feeling like shit at 5 p.m., I realized my body was actually being attacked by something more virusy. No doubt due to the exposure to the people I was around the evening before. We had issues with watching the USC game...wound up having to go to the Brooksider to watch. Which was fine...the food was good, and they have decent drink specials. But the events leading up to us having to go there, along with the reason why we wanted to avoid the bar in the first place (me + a bunch of tools = grumpy to the max), just wound up being exhausting. And apparently inspired my head to implode into a cluster attack. So, yeah...

Here's the letter I just wrote to KC Hopps about the issue we had. Maybe it'll help to clear things up:

"I had an awful experience at 810 Zone (Leawood) on Saturday night, and intend to call there to speak to a manager directly, but also wanted to give the heads-up to you there at corporate about the issue. I went there to watch the USC vs Cal game that was on simultaneously with the Oklahoma game at 7 p.m. CST on ABC. I chose to go to 810 rather than the Brooksider (they are the closest bar to my home that has College Gameplan, at least according to my "research") because it seemed like the better idea on a Saturday night. (I didn't want to deal with the clientelle they attract at the Brooksider on a Saturday night, if possible.) My husband and I arrived at 810 Zone right before the USC game started. I asked the bartender if she could check for me to see which screen the USC game would be on, when she got the chance. She returned and told us that they were still searching for it, and she'd let me know when she found out what t.v. it would be on. I went to the restroom, and when I returned, my husband said she had come back and told him that "they couldn't find the game. Sorry."

I was under the impression that 810 Zone had the College Gameplan package. So not being able to "find" the game would be impossible, really, as long as that package has been paid for. I called the Brooksider to see if they had any trouble finding the game. It was playing on several of their televisions, they told me. So we paid for our drinks, and headed to the Brooksider instead. We had planned on sitting at 810 Zone, watching the USC game, eating dinner and having several drinks, and instead, we had to lose a quarter of a very important game to drive to another bar in order to see the game between two highly ranked teams. Which is just verging on the ridiculous, IMO.

Perhaps it was my mistake, because I didn't call ahead to find out if there would be a problem. It was my first time visiting the bar this year, and while I haven't had any problems in the past, I guess maybe KC Hopps isn't paying for the College Gameplan package in any of their bars this year? It's bad enough I can't watch the games at the Blue Moose anymore. (Allison has told me the expense just isn't worth it, because they don't draw the crowds that want to watch games that are available on the Gameplan package. My argument remains that if she had the package, then she'd have the crowd, but that's just my opinion as a customer that's been going there for 6 years to watch college ball.) But now I can't even count on 810 to play them for me on one of their teeny screens somewhere in the bar/restaurant?

Are you guys trying to drive business away intentionally? I know I'm only one person, but I'd still hope my experience on Saturday might have some level of importance to someone there at your office.

Please feel free to call me if you have any questions. I certainly hope to hear from someone at corporate about this issue within the next day. (My rewards account is under the name "[Faith Smith]" in case you'd like to look up my spending history with KC Hopps. I'm a regular at the Moose in P.V. and have been for 6 years now.)

Sincerely,
[Faith Smith]"

UPDATE: KC Hopps has, frankly, surprised me on this one. I spoke to the assistant GM at the 810 Zone we went to, and he was nice and understanding about the problem we had on Saturday night, and then I just got off the phone with one of the gentlemen at the corporate office as well, and he apologized for the experience we had. They assured me that 810 Zone does, of course, have the College Gameplan package, and that the USC game not only shouldn't have been too difficult to find, but should have already been on one of the t.v.'s without us having to ask for it. I told the corporate guy (I forget his name already...damned headache!) that the crowd seemed to be overwhelming the bar servers. Had that not been the case, I'm sure it wouldn't have been a crappy experience at all, in the long run. He agreed, and said he's going to talk to the management there about what went wrong overall.

Again, very surprising. And appreciated! I'll definitely keep 810 Zone on our list of options even though Saturday night kind of marred their reputation with me a bit...this response to my complaint totally makes up for it, IMO!

Friday, October 02, 2009

Resizing America

So I went to the Gap at lunch, because I had a coupon for 25% off, but had to use it in the store. And I found a couple of cute skirts on sale, yay. And then a bunch of tops I tried on didn't work - they were too long, or a wee bit too tight, or made my boobs look saggier than they are - so boo.

Apparently, they recently updated their jeans sizing. I'm not sure if it's in all denim, but the salesguy brought me a pair of "boyfriend" jeans that are fucking adorable, and they FIT ME. And they're a size 16. :insert shocked face: (I usually wear a 20 from Gap. Even the 18's are a teensy bit too small to be comfy.) The salesguy asked me if I wanted to try even the next size down, and I assured him that would likely put me into a muffintop territory that wouldn't be good for anyone around me. (Which got a snicker from the dressing room next to me...hahaha! I'm glad someone in there understood what I was talking about!)

Now, I'm not one to generally encourage the resizing of clothes to fit a larger population. But if it allows me to buy clothes in the store instead of online? And actually see in action how it makes my ass look before I buy it? I'm a happy camper.

Just thought I'd share. What do you guys think about them changing their sizes? The salesguy told me that some women had been able to go down 2, and in some cases, 3 sizes in order to find a pair that fit them. And then they have a tendency to stretch another 1/2 size after you wear them a bit. Which will be perfect for my new size 16's, but I don't know how the lady trying on the size 2's a couple of rooms down felt about it. (But I really don't care about that skinny bitch' opinion anyway. :P)

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Fire up the masses!

Yesterday, I received an email forwarded by the upper-executive administrative assistants, as a kind of FYI, I guess. Apparently, it's possible that the H1N1 virus could mutate further to become a deadly concern, and the CDC is concerned about us being prepared for such a possibility. (Um, Heather? You remember how you were telling us not to panic over this kind of shit? Yeah, it's not our fault, really. Blame the CDC. Not that this is them necessarily panicing over the bug, really. But it is them sending out the info that, yeah, this can become deadly to otherwise healthy folks, so HUNKER DOWN, MUTHERFUCKERS! WOO! I might be interpreting that a bit freely. But that's a very "me" thing to do, so I tend to roll with it when it happens.)

Anyfuck...

So we admins get this email communication, and it basically says what everything else is saying these days, but is also talking specifically about our "pandemic plan". Because everyone needs to have a plan, and who better to deal with the plan than the people who basically live their lives for plans? That's right. The admins will save the world, dammit, and don't you forget it!

This is my favorite part of the emailed "plan": "For most business functions, employees are the most critical factor." You know, for those of you who don't work for a company that's run completely by robots, and all, you have to consider that the employees might be an important cog in the wheel of company function, eh? So remember that fact first and foremost! Employees make the business function - got it.

My second favorite part is the one that applies specifically to our company: "We have created a plan that is ‘cafeteria style’. It gives options (like ordering cleaning supplies, social distancing and working remotely), so that the business unit can pick and choose what is right for them."

Awesome. I choose the social distancing from the buffet, please. Everyone needs to get the fuck away from me right now...especially the new dude that moved into my section of the building 3 weeks ago who has a perpetual cough that makes me long for the hours and hours of howling that our neighbor's hound dog does when I'm at home. And I want to poison that dog, goddammit. So you know that the cough is getting to me if I would choose the fucking dog over it. (It is really annoying!)

Lastly, the letter says this: "Administrative Professionals should understand which strategies their organizations will implement and plan for how you will sustain support functions during a pandemic." You know, as though admins have any say or pull in what's done should a pandemic occur. Dude, if a pandemic happens, I'll do what the fuck the boss tells me to do, ok?

Although I did forward this email to him last night, with the following personal note included at the top: "Did you know that we have a Pandemic Plan? I didn’t know we had a Pandemic Plan. It involves the option of “social distancing”. I’m not saying that we necessarily should do the social distancing thing, yet. But I’m just saying that it is a viable option for our group. In case of a pandemic. That likely won’t happen. (Probably.) Some people might be better off being socially distanced, is my point. (I won’t name names, but they probably already know who they are, anyway.)"

I hope he knew I was talking about myself. :D