Thursday, March 11, 2010

SALESMAN! [said in PeeWee Hermanesque scream]

I totally forgot to put on socks today. I put on a new pair of pants, and tried on two different pairs of shoes to see which ones had a high enough heel so the pants wouldn't drag, and decided that while the sandals were cute, the weather today is not. So I put on closed loafer-type shoes instead, and the heel was fine, so then I kissed Leo goodbye, and walked out the door. I was almost to work when I realized the funny feeling in the shoe? Was because I totally forgot the socks. OOPS. I hate the feeling of loafers without socks. And the funny thing is, I lived in this sort of shoe arrangement for most of high school and part of college. So WTF? Why am I so bothered by it now? This should be old hat for me! But it feel squiggy. I hate it. Blech. I was stupid in high school, dammit.

Oh, and the new pants? I got them back before I started the South Beach thinger, and they were a bit too tight. Today, they are perfect and comfy, and yay! I've only lost 5.5 pounds so far, but we didn't really finish phase 1, and gym visits haven't exactly been super-regular over the past few weeks since our kitchen is a plastic bubble much of the time. I know those two things don't seem like they should be correlative, but believe me...THEY ARE. When the kitchen is a fucking mess, EVERYTHING in life is a fucking mess. We're slowly putting everything back together, and able to clean things up between messy bits, but somehow, the messy bits keep happening. And everything gets thrown off kilter again, and AUUGH! Construction sucks!

Earlier this week, Leo and I took a fun trip to the bank. We had to get a safety deposit box, so it was a necessary evil...but damn, I hate the fucking bank. And had I known that it was going to take FORTY FIVE fucking MINUTES, I might’ve put it off to another time, really. But I didn’t. ::sigh::

The guy we met with had a name that I would totally make fun of right now if I wasn’t sure that he was the type to Google himself, and find his way to this post eventually. And since he has access to my money and all, it’s just a risk I’m not willing to take. Suffice it to say, it was hard to take the dude seriously. We’ll just call him Silly Name from here on out, to make it easier.

Then, it turned out that it was training day for Silly Name. Or maybe he’s been working there for a while, but he’s never opened a safety deposit account before, or something. I dunno. But he had to be guided through every little step by bank assistant manager dude after we sat down. UGH! It just took forever, it seemed like. We had to sign our names around eleventy billion times on several different pieces of paper to get it all rolling, and just when it seemed like we might be done, Silly Name would have yet another computer portal that he needed to enter even MORE information into. GAH!

Finally, we were able to put our stuff into the box, and thought we were done with the process. But no…bank assistant manager dude told us as we got up from the desk to head into the vault that we’d be coming back there when we were done. Oo-kaaay. So there’s even MORE shit we need to fill out? Fuck. Me. Sideways.

So we come back out of the vault after putting our stuff in there, and go back to the desk, and Silly Name turns his screen to me and asks me if the accounts I have open are correct. I told him that they looked fine, but that I was surprised that the savings account was still listed, since I closed it a long time ago.

“Oh?” Fuuuuuck! That’s what this was about, wasn’t it??? Goddammit! “Do you mind me asking why you closed it?” Well, do you mind me answering in a super-sarcastic manner? I mean, I’d been working really hard to be as nice as I could the entire time we were dealing with this dude, and NOW he wanted to push me to the bitchy side? I did my best to hold it together…

“No, it’s just the interest the bank offers isn’t worth me putting my money into it at all. It’s pretty much a total waste.”

He looked a little taken aback. Again, I guess they’re used to dealing with total idiots in there, or something? I’m not sure. “Have you heard of our Keep the Change savings plan?” I don’t know, dude…the commercials were pretty much run 24/7 on every goddammed channel around 2 years ago when you started it. And every couple of months, I get an invite to start one up when I login to my online banking, but I’m an idiot, right? So you’d better tell me what I’m missin’!

“I have a savings account with ING online. They’re able to give me far more interest than you guys have, even with the decline in the economy. Sorry!”

“Oh, is that one of those internet banks?”

“Yeah. One of those.” Trying. not. to let. eyes roll…And doesn’t he work in a place where it’s a good idea to know who the competition is? It’s shocking to me that people don’t know what ING is, at this point. I’ve been with them for 6 years now. So it’s hard for me to keep perspective on it all.

“They don’t have any overhead, so they can do that sort of thing,” Silly Name said. Justify it however you want, buddy…they’re still able to give me exponentially more in interest every month/year, so I don’t care what you tell yourself to help you sleep at night.

“Mm-hmm…no overhead. Ok, so there’s nothing else we need to sign here?”

“You can get the Keep the Change account for free, because of our agreement with your employer…” Good GOD. He’s still trying? “And we’ll match up to $250 in deposits per year.”

“Wow…$250, huh? Ok, something to think about. Thanks for the tip.” I admit, I was being sarcastic at first. But then I started actually thinking about how taking any money from my bank for free is kinda stupid to pass up. Maybe I should join the program after all! I like round numbers in my checkbook…

So Silly Name sort of succeeded after all. But I finally told him I really needed to get back to work, and if he would please let us escape from torturous bank hell, it’d be smiled upon by Jesus, no doubt, and we were able to leave.

Fucking salespeople.


faithstwin said...

Hmm, I'd research what he said about that a bit more before you decide to put any money with them to hold on to.

They have literally lied to TWO of your family members in the past, royally screwing one of them and wasting the others time.

In any case, I wish places weren't all about side sales, too, but it makes them money a lot of the time, something I can understand, so I have to let it go occasionally. Should we send him a big box that is only full of packing peanuts anonymously? (Oldest just read about this trick yesterday and I think it is genius in certain cases...)

Faith said...

Hahahahaha! I LOVE that idea! :D

faithstwin said...

The thought of watching someone dig through an otherwise empty box entertains me. We also decided putting a note flat on the bottom saying, "Made ya look!," would benefit us as well.