Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The dumbest kind of ninja in existence...

I'm a weird person when it comes to public bathroom behavior. Not so much when it comes to public-public spaces...but moreso at the office. Like, if I go into a bathroom at Target, my expectations of both the room itself and the people using it are pretty low. No doubt about it. But at work, we're all professional here, ok? We work in a nice place. The bathrooms are maintained by a roving cleaning crew a few times a day. We tend to see the same people in there a minimum of 3 times a week, depending. (Not that I know what it depends on, really...just, it does, is all.)

For the last 3 weeks, I've been on the same bathroom trajectory as this one woman that, prior to 3 weeks ago, I had never seen in the bathroom. I think I'd seen her once or twice as we left the building at the same time after work on a couple of days. Or maybe in the kitchen. She looks familiar, but I can't place why.

Anyway, every time I see her in the restroom, it's when I've just finished up some bidness, and I'm washing my hands. Now, when I have specific bidness, I try to do it in the furthest stall from the door. (I don't think I'm unusual in this regard, btw.) Generally, the rest of the bathroom stalls are completely empty...all 6 of them. Because that's another goal I have for specific bidness performing: Empty bathroom. And then when I leave the stall, I use the sink that's directly across from that furthest stall from the door. It just makes sense.

For the record, when I see someone coming out of a stall, or washing their hands at that sink that's across from the stall furthest from the door, I go into another stall, and it's usually the one furthest from that stall, if possible. We have many options in our restroom here at the office. I use that to my advantage, as I think most folks would choose to do if they had many options. It's not like I'm at a baseball game or the airport or something, and I'm waiting in line for ANY stall to open. Because in those cases, you just do what you gotta do. It's rare that we have a full house here in our office restroom, so choices are plentiful and personal space can be easily respected.

But this woman...this odd, bathroom ninja of sorts...she has come into the bathroom directly after I've left that far stall at least 3 times now, and she then goes into that stall she knows I've just come out of.

First of all, I don't get that mentality. Not at all. I don't like a warm toilet seat. It's like drinking warm water...there's just something oogy about it to me.

Second of all, DUDE. Personal space invasion! Also, I've usually just shat in there. So more power to you for wanting to deal with my remaining aura, for fuck's sake.

Third of all, you have SIX other toilets to choose from. I don't care if it's my favorite toilet that's available...if I just saw someone walk out of it, or I see someone nearby it and can deduce the fact that they were likely just in there, I'm gonna choose another stall.

I thought that was the case. I really did. I thought, well, it's her favorite stall, and she don't compromise, yo! Whatever she has to put up with, she WILL go in that stall, dadgummit! But then today, I was in the stall closest to the door...just running in and running out before a meeting, so I didn't need the dilly-dally of crossing the whole room and all that. And as I was washing my hands at the sink closest to the door, who walked into the bathroom? THAT'S RIGHT! It was the bathroom ninja! And she walked right into the stall I'd just come out of. It was significantly less embarrassing to me since I hadn't done anything in there but pee, but dammit! It was weird!

I know, I know...I am weird. But still, I know there are some of you out there that feel me on this. It's not news that people shit in bathrooms. But it's still something I like to keep at a distance from others, if at all possible, and the bathroom ninja is just fucking ruining that for me. ::sigh::


Ms. Pants said...

No dude. Bitch is weird. No bones about it.

faithstwin said...

I agree with Ms. Pants. Bathroom ninja or no, she sounds a bit off.

Maybe she likes a warm seat? *shrug* blech...

Faith said...

Well, bathroom ninja isn't the problem today, thank goodness. Today, I realized they haven't been cleaning the bathroom for the past 2 days, at least. It's disgusting in there...(I submitted a maintenance request, and they came to clean it. But what really bothers me is that I'm on a floor with hundreds of other women. I'm the ONLY ONE to submit a maintenance request? Really? That's just foul.

Jane said...

You are hilarious. Everytime I read one of your posts, I snort when I laugh! And sometimes I have to pee! But not in a public bathroom with bathroom ninja...Snort.