Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Fat vs thin...the never-ending battle!

Why do I care about how much I weigh, again?

Gap, Talbots, Old Navy, Lane Bryant (although I haven't shopped there in years, really), and even some Anthropologie clothes (stretchy tops and sweaters, for the most part, of course) all fit me juuust fiiiine.

So what if I don't fit into Urban Outfitters stuff? All I really like are their t-shirts, anyway, and those are good on me. The rest of their stuff is overpriced for the quality, IMO.

I can make it up a steep hill without losing my breath anymore, thanks to my return to working out.

I don't know why I don't lose weight, now that I've reincluded working out regularly into my weekly pattern...its not like I started eating more when I started working out more, so...::shrugs::

I just don't fucking care about the "being thin" thing any more. I am what I am, I think my body is trying to tell me. I smell good, I don't have high blood pressure or bad cholesterol levels, and I can dress cute. No, I don't look like I did when I was 22, and I don't know if I ever will.

So in the mean time, I will eat my portion of chicken parmesan that Leo makes for me tonight when I go home, and I will get up at 4:30 a.m. to go get my ass kicked by my trainer tomorrow, and then I will buy some cute-ass jeans in size 18 from Talbots on Thursday. Because that's how this fat ass rolls.

This post was brought on by me feeling a bit lazy and sad about my weight over the last few weeks. I'm trying to let it go. I'm trying to surrender. I'm trying to stop beating myself up mentally over my only working out 4 times a week most of the time. I will stop looking at my fat ass in a swim skirt on the lake beach in Havasu, and move on with life. Feels good...feels real good...


Canis Majoris said...

You're beautiful!!! Weight is just a number and it doesn't mean anything. You are a confident, secure woman so do what you need to be healthy on the inside (the heart, the cholestrol...those things) and let the chips fall where they may (with any luck dipped in french onion and right down the gullet). :)

Donna said...

I feel your pain more than you know. I am walking in your shoes.

faithstwin said...

Ahhh, the ass photo. *sigh* Dude, I wish I had something more encouraging to say but it sounds like your pep talking to yourself is covering all the angles.

I, personally, didn't think your ass looked bad at all. Maybe I was too focused on your new boobs, though. =P

Faith said...

Yeah, I know this is just a stage, and it'll pass.

I just hate that I hit these stages at all, anymore...you know? Why do I have to get down on myself? Is it a female thing? Is it a HUMAN thing? I dunno...

All I DO know is that being a female human is hard sometimes. Ugh.