Monday, October 11, 2010

At what point does "moody" become dangerous?

The Twin is at the mall today with her daughter and one of her daughter’s friends. When she told me they had the day off from school, I asked her to please let them know that in the real world, we don’t get Columbus Day off from work! She wrote me back (we were texting) to say that the school calls it “Fall Break”.

Good googly moogly…give ME a break! :P

I had a rough incident that happened over the weekend that’s still kind of weighing heavy on my mind today. I don’t know how to handle it. Basically, an old friend, someone I’ve known for 6 years, spazzed out on me on Saturday night by yelling at me and pretty much just treating me like a pile of shit.

It made me cry. We had just arrived at the bar to hang out for a bit before heading to a party at a friend’s house, and I was only a sip into the beer I’d ordered, but I went ahead and paid for our drinks, and high-tailed it out of there. I didn’t want to keep crying, and had I stayed there, I’m sure that would’ve been the case.

What caused the incident? My friend didn’t want to change one of the 3 TV’s above the bar to the Notre Dame game. I was surprised, mostly because he was gruff with us right off the bat when we asked, but I suggested to Leo that we just move to a table instead. Then the friend said it was fine to change one of the TV’s (even though he didn't sound fine with it, and I even went as far as to ask him if he was ok?), and he started to get up and go to the patio for some reason (he often gets up and wanders over to look out the window while we’re hanging out together), but came back after a second and sternly said RIGHT in my ear, “And I’ll tell you what: if I’m going to come down here and watch football, I will watch whatever goddammed game I want to! Got it?” And then walked away and went outside.

I was stunned. I looked around for a moment, and then I couldn’t help it: I burst into tears. Yeah, it was a total girly moment, but that’s just how my brain/body reacts to someone talking to me like that, apparently! It was completely out of the blue, unprovoked, and unnecessary.

This person is known for his mood swings, but this? This was off the charts.

Frankly, I don’t want to be friends with him anymore if this is how it’s going to be. Fuck. That. Noise.

The fun part? He has no clue that he did anything wrong. Or that’s how he’s playing it off to our mutual friends. Leo and I returned to the bar later to talk to our bartender friend about it. She said that he admitted to snapping at people easier than usual as of late. I was all, “This was beyond snapping, though. He acted like I’d dug up the corpse of his father and had sex with it!” She said that he apparently didn’t realize that he’d been as mean as that. I was all, “Oh, so me bursting into tears, and then leaving the bar 10 minutes after arriving wasn’t a clue that he’d done something to freak me out???” Nope. Guess not!

I don’t know what else to do except avoid all contact with the guy. I don’t want to see him again, because I just cannot put up with the nastiness for no reason anymore. And I know I come off as being a pretty moody person myself when it comes to my writing here on the blog, but let me assure you: my moods are normal…my moods are nonexistent when compared to this guy. And it’s just getting worse as he gets older, and shuts himself off more from the world outside Prairie Village. It’s sad. I’ve tried to convince him to look into online dating (he broke up with his last girlfriend around 3 years ago, and hasn’t dated since then), or to go on a trip, or something, but he seems content to just get more and more miserable. And I’m sorry, but I can’t stand that kind of self-loathing. It’s beyond my comprehension, which is saying a LOT, since I’ve gone through some very moody periods of time in my life with little interaction with anyone outside of my family or coworkers. But if he’s at the point where he gets pissed at one of his only friends he has left for absolutely no. reason. at all? He needs help I clearly can’t give him.

If anyone has any pointers or suggestions as to what they would do if they were me, please share.

And please..if you could do it without yelling at me, I’d greatly appreciate it! :(


Ms. Pants said...

Wait. This guy WORKS at the bar and he yelled at you? If that's the case, a note to the manager is in order.

Other than that, you're right. Steer clear of him. He's a toxic asshole. Let him choke on his own bile.

Dan said...

That's awful.

The way I see it, he's either going to turn himself around, get worse, or stay the same. Doesn't sound like you want to be around him - nor should you - if it's either of the last two. If it's the first, he'll approach you when he's more sane and he will put in some effort into recapturing your friendship.

And I know you're smart enough that it's not your job and it's not possible anyhow for you to turn him around. He has to decide that his antisocial behavior is causing him problems.

Sorry that happened.

Dan said...

"And I know you're smart enough TO KNOW that . . ."

GB, RN said...

What a douche. If this had happened to me, I'd tell the guy to go fuck himself with a hot cattle brand. No one needs people in their lives that make them feel this way. In his mind, he's already decided he did nothing heinous. Who's to say this won't happen again??

You're better off without him as a friend. In fact, I wouldn't even set foot in an establishment that had an employee that treated their patrons so poorly.

Nuke said...

I can't tell for sure if this guy is an employee or not. If he is, he needs a counseling session with his manager. If he's not, then he is not the kind of friend you want to throw away a lot of time on.

Either way, I am sorry you had such a shitty day Faith.

Faith said...

No...he's not an employee. Sorry if I gave that impression at all. He's a fellow barfly, like Leo and me, except he's there every day from about 4:30 - 6 or 7-ish.

Yes. I said every day.

Not that I haven't spent a fair amount of time at the bar myself! But it was for a short period of time (for about a year, I was in there maybe 4 days per week?), and I'm over that lifestyle now.

I talked to the Twin about it a bit, as she knows this person, too, and she thinks it might be some kind of dimentia that's setting in, thanks to the amount of alcohol this dude drinks. I think that's entirely possible, too.

Sad. Sad, sad, sad. Makes a person maybe wanna quit drinking, actually...

Logtar said...

Why do I have the Britney Spears Toxic song stuck in my head.

The dude was rude and has some female issues for sure. Either a relationship gone bad, or his Mom finally kicking him out of the basement. Either way it seems you were a lightning rod for his stupidity and obviously needs a lesson on respect to a lady. What a D-Bag.

I seriously don't think the it had anything to do with you... I was there this weekend, next time call me and I will gladly perform a Chicago tuneup.

Fred Sanford said...


A.) About Notre Dame. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this but several generations of people would like to change the channel on that team. I mean, you do know they've played on ABC every Saturday since Christ levitated out of Mary? Regardless of of how badly they've stunk? Regardless of the fact that 99.9% of the population did NOT go to Notre Dame and would not care if we ever saw 1) their football team play or 2) Rudy on the tube again?

I'm jes' saying'...

B.) That goes for Michigan as well.

C.) Take it easy on X.O. - he seems to have a problem relating to most everyone, just not the opposite sex. Yes, he pretends he likes people,, yeah - he'll snap at you.
Don't take it personal.

4.) Seriuosly...what is it with Notre Dame?

Faith said...

It's actually NBC that they've had the network deal with, I think since 1996. Or possibly earlier.

They play their games on ABC stations (like ESPN or ABC itself) when they play certain teams. Like Stanford. I'm not sure what the connection/issue is with why they switch to ABC from time to time, but most every week, they're on NBC.

I've always been a fan of Notre Dame because my mom was a fan. And she was a fan because her dad was a fan. Why he chose ND to be a fan of is beyond me. They were from Ohio. It makes no sense. Grandpa was a fan of the underdog, though, so that might explain it a lil' bit. Mom was a fan of the underdog. And now I am a fan of the underdog. (Unless the underdog is either Texas or Florida. Then I'm rooting against the underdog, and hoping they get their asses handed to them on a sad underdogdy-type platter.)

We're agreed on the Michigan thing, though. :D And Ohio State. Fucking OHIO STATE...GOD. ::pokes self in eye::

Fred Sanford said...

don't even start with the fucking buckeyes...

and, not for nuthin'? but historically, as in most of the freakin' time?, underdogs lose. 'cause, well, you know, they suck. which means they deserve to lose. so, not to be rude, much less yell at you, i've never really understood the whole rootin' for the underdog thing – maybe they should just get better, huh?

and doin' stuff 'cause your folks did? weird. i mean, my grandad liked peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches, as did my folks and all my sibs. does that mean i like peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches? yes, but that's not the point...

Faith said...

It's about history, Fred. I'm all for the history.

Would I eat a PB&pickle sammich for history's sake? Fuck no. (Well...wait. Maaaaybe. Depends on what the options are, really. It doesn't sound all that awful compared to other things our forefathers ate from time to time...)

But I can stand to root for a team that consistently works hard, and gets the shaft more often than not. You know, if it's an option of eating a disgusting sounding sandwich and watching the game. And it's not in every case that I root for the underdog, mind you! Like when Ohio State plays USC most years in a bowl game? Yeah, Ohio can SUCK IT. And that's not just the 'SC fan in me saying that. I honestly wish those over-inflated blow holes had to get down on the Rose Bowl field and lick the dirt. That'd be awesome.

Fred Sanford said...

...can I just say watching KU get its ass (unnecessarily) waxed last night was amusing?