Wednesday, December 08, 2010

To be fair, I haven't *tried* the feather thing, personally.

There are a lot of ducks around the office I work in. Ducks and geese. And we have this little lake thing they hang out at that's kind of been getting frozen over this week with the colder temps we've been having.

And I can't help but look at them and wonder how they can handle all that cold? Like, just cold-ass winds blowing on them while they bob around on a semi-frozen lake thing, or stand on the ice with their little unprotected feet.

I'm glad I'm not a duck. (Or a goose.)

Last night, I was driving home from work, and as I approached one of the more traffic-congested areas near the freeway, and had the lane I was in open up so I was able to go a comfy 40 - 45 MPH unimpeded, I celebrated by singing a little song to myself about my lucky open lane and all the pretty green lights. (The song thing is something I inherited from my mom. I try to keep it to myself, but if you ever hear it, I hope it's at least a little endearing.)

I apparently jinxed myself by celebrating my open lane and green lights. Because as I approached the offramp signal for the freeway I was passing over, a lady in a white car sitting at the red light waiting to turn right into the lane I was in started to iiiinnnch...ever so...slooowwly...out...into...the laaaane...as if....she...was going...to puuuull...in front of me. And as she did it, all I could do was say, "What are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? Gaaahhhh..." And then there she was, pulled right out in front of my full-speed 45 miles per hour, and I had to slam on my brakes.

It was like I was dealing with an idiot in slow motion, and there was nothing I could do about it. It all took place in the course of about a 5 second span. It really was one of the more odd things I've seen someone do, stupid-wise, when it came to their driving retardation.

My favorite part, after the fact of her pulling out in front of me, of course, was that she then got immediately into a turn lane for a business park that was right there on the right side of the road. So this fucker pulled in front of me, ruined my drive high, risked BOTH our lives, and then slooowwwllly pulled ooofffff the roooaaad, all "la la la" style. And she kind of glanced at me as I drove past her, with this "what did I do?" innocent-like look on her face.

It kinda made me wanna chase her down and rip her legs off her body so she couldn't do that stupid shit to anyone ever again.*

But I figure that with driving skills like that, she should be able to take care of that sort of thing herself relatively soon.


*Obviously, this is a hyperbolic statement. I wasn't that mad, nor am I anywhere near strong enough to be able to rip a human being's legs off their body. Especially because I'd bet there'd be some kicking involved on their part. That would make it much harder. And I just wanted to go home and put on pj's and curl up on the couch under a comfy blankey, so really, I was fine. I was just fired up for a moment, was all.

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