Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Me: "Awesome! Ok, when is it?"
HCFDC: "It's on March 9th, at..."
Me: "WHAT? Wait...no. That's 3 months from now!!!"
HCFDC: "He's very busy, so that was the earliest appointment."
Me: ::headdesk:: "Ok, there must be another endocrinologist that has availability before then! I know that doctor is probably wonderful, but he can't be the only one. NP told me yesterday in my appointment about another group that I could see if Dr. Fabulous was too busy...maybe I can get in with them? I was hoping for something no later than mid-January, if at all possible..."
HCFDC: "I'll try calling and finding another appointment. I'll call you back."
Me: "Ok, thank you! I really appreciate it."
20 minutes later, the Health Center Front Desk Chick had found me an appointment with a different endo near my work. I'll see the doctor on January 19th. MUCH better...
I'm also going to totally try changing up my diet after I get back from vacation. We'll see if that helps at all, too. ::sigh::
Tomorrow, I leave for California (if it hasn't floated away, or been destroyed by tornadoes before then), so posting will be few and far between until after I get back to work on 1/3/11. Happy holidays to you all!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
- Incredibly dry skin. Worse than ever experienced before. I'm itchy ALL THE TIME. Sucks.
- Dry, brittle, will-not-grow nails. I started taking Vitamin D a couple months ago to try to combat it, because this happens every winter, really. But this year, it's actually gotten worse than it ever has been in the past. (Hmm...starting to sense a pattern here...) If any bit of nail grows out past the bed, it inevitably breaks off in jagged pieces within hours/days. Sucks.
- Working out pretty religiously 3 -4 times a week (sometimes 5), and changing my cardio so that I'm doing interval training has not affected my weight in the slightest. In fact, my body is so fun, it decided to go ahead and let me GAIN 4 pounds over the past 6 weeks. No, it isn't muscle instead of fat. I've been building muscle for the past year...at this point, the fat should be burning off, and I should still be losing at least 1 - 2 pounds a month. Even if the muscle mass IS getting heavier. So, yeah. SUCKS.
- My eyelids and overall facial area have jumped on the dry skin bandwagon. It's preeetty. (And it sucks. ::sigh::)
- My mood swings have become scary even to me.
- I'm tired. I'm so, sooo tired. And I get, on average, 6 - 7.5 hours of sleep per night. On weekends, I get a little bit more. So, WTF?
I've been keeping a food diary for the last week, and I'm going in to get some blood test results today to see if there's anything up with my thyroid. And if the tests don't show anything, I'm calling bullshit, and asking to be refered to an endocrinologist. I'm tired of this. My trainer is tired of hearing me bitch about it. (And I feel bad about her working with me for the past 9 months, with nothing to show for it!) Something is wrong in my body. I'm gonna figure out what it is before mid-January, or go down trying.
Wish me luck.
UPDATE: Well, my thyroid numbers (the TSH ones, anyway) came back normal...again. I expected that, actually. I told the NP I wasn't accepting that, and we needed to look deeper. I told her that the cholesterol numbers going up the way they did last year were a sign something is wrong, and that the fact that I'm gaining weight instead of losing (or at the very least maintaining!) at this point in time is another sign, and that we need to figure it out. I will pay full cost for tests to be run! I will be stuck over and over with needles, happily! I just want to know what's wroooonnng.
She left the room for a bit to go over my last couple of blood tests (the ones with the cholesterol and glucose numbers...), and came back and said that I was right. The cholesterol did behave oddly over the last two years, and that it was evident that I was making an effort to change when she compared the tests I did last February and then again at the end of April. She talked to the other NPs and the doctor that was in today, and they all agreed that I should probably see an endocrinologist.
So we drew more blood, and they're going to test more stuff. And they're going to get me an appointment with an endocrinologist on my plan. And hopefully, we're going to figure this out.
It shouldn't be this hard, guys. Our medical professionals shouldn't be this difficult to talk to when there's a problem. I told her that other people I've talked to have had this same kind of reaction when they've insisted there's a problem, and I was prepared to face it. "What other people?" she asked me. And I told her people that I know in real life...people that I read about online or in magazines...people who have been to the doctor and KNOW that something is wrong in their bodies, and they're basically just brushed aside and dismissed. And I told her, "I'm not going to let that happen. I'm willing to do whatever I need to in order to figure this out." She's a nice lady. She heard me. And thank goodness for that, because I was about to KICK SOME ASS.
I'll keep y'all updated on what happens. Let's hope we figure it out quickly, and without too much pain involved. ;)
Monday, December 20, 2010
- Go out to dinner to celebrate the holiday, and eat an amazing meal of lobster tail and filet. Save most of the filet for breakfast the following morning, and eat the hell out of the delicious lobster tail while at dinner. YUM.
- Catch up on the happenings over at The Bloggess. Cry. Read it again...cry some more. Fall in love with the internet all over again.
Between the Secret Santa that took over in Kansas City after Larry Stewart passed in 2007 (Larry was our original Secret Santa), and the stuff happening over at Jenny's site, it's almost enough to renew my faith in humanity. At the very least, it does manage to put a pretty big smile on my face.
I may hate people. But I do love it when they come together to do nice things for others. Warms my bitchy, cold heart, it does.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I put on my Burt's Bee's cuticle wax stuff, because my fingernails are pretty much made of evil this time of year, and I've been working on strengthening them through moisture and massage and Vitamin D. (But they still break easily...like while I open the car door. Or when I flip over in bed at night. Don't ask me how, they just do. They suck...)
And then I reached for the little jar pot of very concentrated Burt's Bee's Almond Milk lotion I keep next to the couch, and slather my hands with every time they feel like they need it.
And when I opened the jar, I saw this:
I showed my coworker the pictures this morning, after telling her about Friday night yesterday when we were shooting the shit during lunchtime. And she gave me the standard response that everyone does..."Are you sure your husband didn't put that there?" Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, he very well could have done this quarter. He was home alone all day yesterday, and the jar was just sitting there on the coffee table without anyone checking it to make sure quarters weren't in it at any given time. So, sure. Yeah it's possible that he put that one there.
But I just don't think he does any of this stuff. I think that people who have lived with someone for a while, or have been married for a few years, can attest to what I'm talking about here: you know when your spouse/significant other is fucking with you. You just do. And either Leo took an acting course without me knowing about it, and got really good with his poker face, or he's just not involved in any of the weird activity that happens around the house. I happen to believe it's the latter. But everyone is entitled to believe whatever they want to about my ghost stories.
It's hard enough for us to not tell each other what we bought one another for Christmas gifts over the course of the 2 weeks leading up to the holiday, though. We just aren't good secret keepers, I don't think. So I stand by the fact that all this paranormal stuff just keeps happening in our house. And we don't know when it will stop, or what will happen next. Maybe I'll pop open a tampon sometime, and find a dime. That'd be interesting...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
My boss is one of those people that will be going on vacation for the holidays for the final 2 weeks of the year, starting next week. The thing is, he's also planning on maybe starting this week, if his schedule allows. But he doesn't know yet.
Unfortunately, that leaves a lot of meetings hanging in the balance, and I haven't sent out cancellation notices for the ones he hosts during the next 3 weeks at all yet, since I'm not totally sure what his schedule will be.
So this manager on his team sends me an email today asking me if the weekly staff meetings our boss holds will be happening on the 22nd and the 28th, even though boss will be out on vacation.
::sigh:: No. No they won't. But guess what? I'll get to that when I know what's totally up with boss's vacation, OKAY?
I told him that I was planning on working on cancellations for LOTS of meetings, but not until AFTER we have our staff meeting this afternoon. I want to bring it up with all the managers at the same time, so there's less confusion about the meetings I'm cancelling.
But maybe I should ask him if HE wants to do my damned job for me, and I'll just go home, since he's so eager to have this shit happen on HIS schedule and all.
Just...don't be that guy. Unless your admin is brand spanking new, she knows her ass from her elbow, most likely, and is able to manage her job just fine, alright? Leave her (or him! Could be a him...) the fuck alone.
God, I'm irritable today. I need more sleep, I think.
Monday, December 13, 2010
*Disclaimer, because I know all my stories about my house ghost are probably starting to sound pretty wild and ridiculous at this point. This is another one of those stories. I just wanted to say, one more time for the record, that I am not making this shit up. I have no desire to do any such thing. I'm writing about the actual paranormal events that are occurring in our home, which I swear to the great jeebus above that neither me nor my husband are doing to each other to freak the other one out. Our dogs are not this talented either. And as far as I know, we don't have any stray hobos living in our attic who come down to fuck with us at any given time of the day. If I ever do discover that all of this fun is the work of a stray hobo living in our attic, I will certainly let y'all know.*
Friday, as I mentioned, was the 1st anniversary of my father's death. I did not have a good day. I bullied my way through it quietly at my desk, and didn't even get to leave work until well after my normal exit time, so finally heading home was quite a relief.
Of course, once I got home, work followed me. I was on the phone with someone in IT about my issue that had been plaguing me for several days, while wandering around the house trying to not lose my mind. I sat down on the bed in the master bedroom at one point, and noticed a penny in the corner of our big Matisse drawing we have in there. "Honey! I found a penny!" (I was on hold with the IT chick at the time...) Leo came in from the kitchen to see where it was, and we had a laugh, and then went back to our normal business.
Oh, and we took pictures of the penny in the corner of the picture, but for some reason when I was loading them into the computer Sunday afternoon, I thought it was one I'd already shared, and I deleted it. Sorry!
A while later, we were sitting on the couch enjoying our downtime (FINALLY), and Jake was doing this dance around the edge of the couch, constantly laying flat and looking under it at the toys that have rolled their way under there, eventually doing this loud sigh/whining thing that he does when he's frustrated and sad. I asked Leo to please get the damned toys out from under the couch for the puppeh! He's got long arms, so he figured he could reach them all. He got the flashlight, and went to point it under the couch, but as he did, he swept it across the bookcase across the room, and something caught his eye. "Ok, that is just CREEPY." I was all, "What's creepy?" And he just pointed with the flashlight at the picture of my parents we have up on top of the case, and then went back to his business of retrieving the toys from under the couch.
So I got up, and went to see what he was talking about. And there was a penny sitting directly under my dad in the photo on the shelf.
Immediate tears came to my eyes. "Look at where it is! Oh my God, that's so cool! Look, honey! Did you see that it's right under dad?" He had. He thought it was pretty cool, too. And then he gave me a hug. :)
So I took a picture of it with my phone right away (which accounts for the quality in that photo above...sorry 'bout that), and sent it on to my Twin in California so she could see how Jeffers really does seem to know what's going on in my life, and how he tries to cheer me up when I'm down about stuff.
About a half hour later, I had to pee. So I went to the bathroom, still a bit giddy from the penny under my dad in the living room. And as I grabbed at the toilet paper and pulled, a penny came flying out and landed on the floor at my feet. I started laughing hysterically...and then I had to reenact the event for the photo-taking purposes, but this is how it was set up:
I was giggling a fair amount at that point, and even Leo was having a good time with the whole thing, so whatever was going on, it was just what I needed. Instead of being sad and crying, I was laughing and being entertained by the randomness of the pennies. Which is apparently why Jeffers is there with us...he's all about cheering us up. Which I totally appreciate.
But that wasn't the end of the crazy. No, no! Not at all. We went to bed a bit late on Friday night, and we slept well. I woke up early on Saturday because I thought I was going to have to work, but that didn't wind up happening. Anyway, I woke up, and headed out to the living room. And as I walked past the photo of mom and dad on top of the bookcase, I saw that another penny had been added during the night...
That wasn't all the fun he had, though. I also noticed that he wanted to get in on the decorating for the holiday. We'd pulled the blue ball out from it's lengthy hiatus under the couch the night before, and the puppies had had their fair share of fun with it. Izzy was lying on top of it sleeping at one point, she was so glad to have it back.
But once we went to bed, the blue ball became Jeffers's way of saying an old timey hello, apparently! He plopped it on top of the tree, where the star would go, of course...
Later that morning, I had an appoinment with my trainer at the gym. I grumbled a bit as I pulled on my socks, and then when I went to put on my shoes, a penny slid down out of the toe of each foot before I put them on! Hahahahaha!
Now the next thing that happened creeped Leo out, and seemed to creep the Twin out a bit when I told her about it as well. I don't see any problem with it, really. It's weird, for sure. But it didn't hurt me, really.
So, when we got home from the gym, I was getting undressed for a shower when I smelled an icky smell in the bedroom. Something mildewy-ish that I couldn't track. I called Leo in to help me sniff it down (which we were both unsuccessful with, btw), and when I turned around at one point, he suddenly said, "OH MY GOD. Um, ::pointing emphatically::" I looked where he was pointing. I didn't see anything. I said, "What? What's wrong?" He, again, pointed emphatically in my direction. I said, "Look, this pointing thing you do is NOT helpful. You have to use your words. What the fuck is up?" So he said, "Just, go look in the mirror at your back." Um, AUGH. Ok...
So I did. And I saw this:
It also hurt a little when he removed it, but it went away after a little bit. It was just like someone had poked me too hard, was all.
The thing is, I never felt that penny at all. I had no idea it was there without Leo pointing it out. I don't know how long it had been there, but it had to have been sometime after I got home from my workout, I'd think. I was on my back a fair amount during the workout itself, and I'd think that after a bit of moving around the way I was doing, it would have come off on it's own. So it must've been put there after we got home from the gym, possibly after I took my shirt off to prepare for my shower.
I don't know what's next, guys. I really don't. I kinda wish Jeffers would clean the toilets, or something, if he's so darned intent on being involved in our lives! But in the meantime, nothing has happened since Saturday. I even found the red kong that I thought he'd taken a few weeks back...it was under the bed after all. So maybe he'll be quiet for a while, now that things are settling down a bit at work and at home. We'll just have to wait and see, I guess...
Friday, December 10, 2010
And, of course, there was that whole dad being gone thing. Yeah, that sucked just a lil' bit too.
It's been a tough week for me, emotionally and physically. I'm tired. I'm sad. I am stressed to the hilt. I wanna be with my family. But instead, I'm stuck at work with a fake smile on my face trying to get projects done before everyone leaves for their end of the year paid-time-off bonanza they get to take. (I work with a lot of people in management that have been at my company for upwards of 20 years. They earn a fair amount of time off every year, and they don't get to take it very often, thanks to the demands of their jobs. This inevitably leads to them taking 2.5 -3 weeks off all at once at the end of the year every year. Makes for a quiet office, once it happens. But until then, it's like hell on wheels getting shit completed! SUCKS.)
I miss my mom and dad a lot when it comes to normal times of the year, but around the holidays, the only thing that makes me feel better about them not being here is spending time with my brother and sisters. And I don't get to do that for another couple of weeks.
But today has come, all the same. So let me tell you a little bit about the awesomeness that was my dad. He was the oldest of 5. His mom died when he was 12 or 13 (I can never remember exactly) of the same disease that eventually killed him as well, and my grandpa remarried to a woman he met through an ad in the paper, because he needed help with raising 5 kids. She brought 3 of her own to the deal. So it was a crowded little house in Montebello, CA that my dad had to live in, along with his siblings!
When dad was 18 and graduated from high school, his step mom kicked him outta the house. Time to fend for yourself, Joe! Buh-bye! So off he went to find his way in the world.
And find it, he did. He stumbled here and there along the way, dealing with family crises, bankruptcies, business deals gone bad, and other assorted difficult issues here and there, but dad took it all in stride. He got wise very early. He didn't go to college, but the man was so good at dealing with investments and business ventures by the time he was in his 50's, he had built a small empire for our family. Not a huge one, but a decent one all the same.
He was a great dad, aside from all that, too. He liked to brush my long hair when I was little, and would often dry it for us (me and the Twin, I mean) after we washed it. He would get silly and tickle my feet when I was swimming, and would carry me on his shoulders to play chicken with our siblings. He cracked open coconuts on the back deck, and gave us the water from inside before carving into the meat of the nut, and putting it on a plate for us to chew on.
When we got older, he drove us around the lake in the boat in summertime, and he took me skiing with him and his buddy on Christmas day. Skiing with dad was always an adventure. He taught me how to get down any hill I was placed on top of, even if it meant waiting for me to painstakingly get down a mogul course that took me 30 minutes to criss cross without killing myself. (I don't DO moguls! He knew that, dammit!!!)
Boys never knew how to talk to dad...mostly because dad just didn't talk much himself! He was quiet to a fault. But usually it was because he was thinking deeply about something. Or that he was asleep. Dude worked hard...he was tired!
He paid for my first cars, for my college education, and for me to move to Kansas City after I graduated from college. If he was worried about all that spoiling me somehow, he never let on. And I think it worked out ok, gamble-wise. Except when I first moved to town, and asked him to help with my move into my first apartment. "Did you get a job yet?" he asked. "No dad, but I can't keep imposing on big sister and bro-in-law anymore. I need the apartment NOW. And I swear, I'll find a job soon! I've got a lead already!" I felt bad. He'd already given me so much! And one month later, I was gainfully employed and paying my own rent. I like to think that made him proud, just a little bit.
He was always there for me to fall back on, and when mom passed away, we got closer than we had been all my life. We watched Sex and the City together (I didn't have cable in my apartment, so he graciously allowed me to come over and watch at his house), we had dinner sometimes, we all (the Twin and her girls, me and dad) went to church on Sundays, and then had brunch afterward each week. It was nice living nearby him again, and I was grateful that he didn't judge me for the career choices I'd made at that point in my life.
He was just a good dad. He was funny in a weird way, and ambitious, and loving, and always good at giving advice.
I can't believe I can't ever call him for advice again!
Anyway, I miss him. I don't understand why he and mom had to leave this earth so early, but I'm sure there was a good reason for it. Somewhere.
Have a good weekend, everyone.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
I put it in the top drawer with the other coins. It was the first time Jeffers had given me something other than a quarter. It wasn't even a special nickle, like with a cool date or anything. It was just from, like, 1986, or some shit. Blah.
THAT was new! So I laughed, and went back out to the living room and told Leo what I'd found. And he had to come get it down, because I couldn't reach it. And then I put it in the drawer with the other coins.
And then on Monday, I think it was? I was again in the bathroom (yes, I spend a lot of time there...it's a nice bathroom. Also, I like primping, ok?) getting ready for bed, and when I closed my medicine cabinet after getting out my toothpaste, I saw a penny on the photo framed on the wall opposite me, being reflected in my medicine cabinet mirror. I kind of made a "Eeee!" noise and then laughed, and told Leo we'd gotten another penny. (It was not the remaining penny in the dish in the kitchen, though. We checked. So we're not sure where this one came from.) And then I got the camera to take pictures...
$1.42 so far. (Or $1.47, if you count the one from the suitcase.)
I truly wonder where we go from here. One thing's for sure...I'll keep you all in the loop on whatever it is!
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
And I can't help but look at them and wonder how they can handle all that cold? Like, just cold-ass winds blowing on them while they bob around on a semi-frozen lake thing, or stand on the ice with their little unprotected feet.
I'm glad I'm not a duck. (Or a goose.)
Last night, I was driving home from work, and as I approached one of the more traffic-congested areas near the freeway, and had the lane I was in open up so I was able to go a comfy 40 - 45 MPH unimpeded, I celebrated by singing a little song to myself about my lucky open lane and all the pretty green lights. (The song thing is something I inherited from my mom. I try to keep it to myself, but if you ever hear it, I hope it's at least a little endearing.)
I apparently jinxed myself by celebrating my open lane and green lights. Because as I approached the offramp signal for the freeway I was passing over, a lady in a white car sitting at the red light waiting to turn right into the lane I was in started to iiiinnnch...ever so...slooowwly...out...into...the laaaane...as if....she...was going...to puuuull...in front of me. And as she did it, all I could do was say, "What are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? Gaaahhhh..." And then there she was, pulled right out in front of my full-speed 45 miles per hour, and I had to slam on my brakes.
It was like I was dealing with an idiot in slow motion, and there was nothing I could do about it. It all took place in the course of about a 5 second span. It really was one of the more odd things I've seen someone do, stupid-wise, when it came to their driving retardation.
My favorite part, after the fact of her pulling out in front of me, of course, was that she then got immediately into a turn lane for a business park that was right there on the right side of the road. So this fucker pulled in front of me, ruined my drive high, risked BOTH our lives, and then slooowwwllly pulled ooofffff the roooaaad, all "la la la" style. And she kind of glanced at me as I drove past her, with this "what did I do?" innocent-like look on her face.
It kinda made me wanna chase her down and rip her legs off her body so she couldn't do that stupid shit to anyone ever again.*
But I figure that with driving skills like that, she should be able to take care of that sort of thing herself relatively soon.
*Obviously, this is a hyperbolic statement. I wasn't that mad, nor am I anywhere near strong enough to be able to rip a human being's legs off their body. Especially because I'd bet there'd be some kicking involved on their part. That would make it much harder. And I just wanted to go home and put on pj's and curl up on the couch under a comfy blankey, so really, I was fine. I was just fired up for a moment, was all.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
In the meantime, I've been battling the first cold I've had in I don't know how long, and the symptoms keep changing every day. This winds up leading me to believe that I'm alternately getting better or getting worse, depending on the time of day. Yesterday afternoon, for example, I felt like my head was going to explode, what with all the pressure I was suddenly feeling in my sinuses. I thought for sure I was finally coming down with something treatable, like a sinus infection. But this morning, I woke up and felt better and less head explody, so I figured I was better and didn't need to contact the doctor after all. But now? I feel icky again.
Colds are stupid.
So I'm fighting it with exercise, Emergen-C and other vitamins, and as much sleep as I can get my hands on. We'll see if it's still here by week's end. (Good god, I hope not!)
I have acquired even more change from our house ghost since I last mentioned it, so that's inspired me to start a pictography of it all, which I will be posting soon. Jeffers has gotten relatively creative with his choices of location for the coins he gives us, so I started taking pictures in order to better relay the activity here on the blog. I just think it's hard to picture without a visual guide, is all. So look forward to that coming up tomorrow or Thursday.
In the meantime, send me non-cold vibes, would ya? I feel like a lump of shit...
Thursday, December 02, 2010
But, aside from the fact that I think they are waaaay overplanning on attendance, meat-wise, I also found out that they are planning on cooking the meat tomorrow.
But the potluck isn't until next Thursday.
Um, is it just me, or does that seem like a really bad idea?