Friday, January 28, 2011

FYI: Your feet don't go there.

There's a new phenomenon happening in the ladies' room here at work, and it's time to talk about it. It's been going on for about a month, or so, and I don't get it. Basically, I go into my favorite stall (which is the one at the far end of the restroom, against the wall), and there's been...splashing occurring, it seems. It's getting worse and worse. Last week, there was a full on puddle in front of the toilet, and it was like, DUDE. Hooowww?

What I've noticed a couple of times before I head to another toilet instead is that there are shoe prints on the toilet seat. So what's becoming apparent is that someone is basically standing on the goddammed toilet seat, and then peeing.

To which I say, WHAT THE FUCK?

I haven't noticed any new people in the building, except for some Russian spies/contractors that have been here for far longer than a month. (They're beautiful. Thin, awesome hair, dressed like they're on an episode of Alias...I swear they must be spies in their free time!) I don't think it's the Russian chick that's doing this. But I can't be positive. I've never caught the person in the process, so it's hard to say who it might be.

So. weird.

By the way, I've successfully knocked most of my days of the week down to being between 1300 - 1650 calories. I've lost 5 pounds in the past 3 weeks. I'm only hungry some of the time. I think I might be on to something.

I'm heading to an acupuncturist in about 20 minutes to see if he can do anything about this FUCKING twitch I have on the left side of my face, too.

I'm trying to fix myself, y'all. Slowly but surely, I will be a normal chick again, dammit.


emawkc said...

If you have an Android phone, I highly recommend getting the app from MyFitnessPal to help track calories consumed and burned.

Faith said...

I track my calories in an Excel spreadsheet I created. Calories, fat grams, carbs, fiber, and protein, to be exact.

But thanks!

faithstwin said...

I would use Emaws suggestion over my own creation if it means all I need to do is plug in some numbers and have it figured for me.

I hate Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. That is all.

Fred Sanford said...

Do you have beautiful Asian women at your office? Because I've seen this practise in Japan, Vietnam, Laos and Thailand - it wouldn't surprise me if the custom has traveled to the US. And I just overheard a couple of my fellow office-mates complaining the other day that "...well, it's cleaner, I don't feel ucky any more, but sometime I have to untangle my labia to get it to work properly..."

Now I'm just going to assume that they were talking about standing on the toilet to pee as thinking about anything else would be distracting....