Friday, January 21, 2011

That is NOT apple juice.

My appointment with the endocrinologist went ok on Wednesday afternoon. Aside from the snowpocalypse happening outside while I was in there, and the alarming number of senior citizens that were also in the office at the same time, which meant they would be out driving in that mess around the same time I was gonna be, everything went pretty well. The doctor was nice. He didn't rush me. He listened to my complaints, and reviewed my history. He asked questions that hopefully helped him understand my issue better.

He ordered some lab work, gave me a prescription for prozac that I'm supposed to take 2 weeks of every month, depending on when my cycle runs (which the Twin told me is pretty much useless, and I need to ask for a lower dose that I can take daily when I see him next), and finished off the appointment by telling me that I might have to just cut my calorie intake in half, depending on how the tests come back.

::sigh:: I think he believes I'm fat because I simply eat too much. Which might be the case, don't get me wrong! But I've already restricted myself down to 1600 - 1800 cals per day for the last couple of months without success. So I dropped it again to 1400 - 1600 last week, and am finally seeing a change on the scale. (I offered the doctor a copy of the food journalling that I've been doing off and on over the past 2 months, and he said that he wants me to keep doing it, and to bring it with me to my next appointment with him in a month.)

If I had to drop down to 800 - 1000 cal per day? I'd rather just live my life in a size 20, I'd think.

The problem is that I might just keep growing if I don't eat less than 1200 cals per day. And that's not what I want to have happen.

I wish there was an easier way! But I get the feeling that there isn't.

In the mean time, I gave my blood at the lab, and then took home a saliva test kit that I had to do before bed last night, and a 24 hour urine thing that I had to do all day yesterday. I've never done one of those before. They give you this big jug thing, and a basin to catch your pee in, and then send you on your way.

While the tech rummaged for the proper piss jug (because, let's face there a better name for it, really?), I told her that I pee a LOT. I wasn't sure if one jug would be enough. "You want another one, just in case?" I was feeling mildly embarrassed about needing even ONE jug, so my idiocy got the best of me and I said, "Nah...this one seems pretty big. I'll just stick with one."

I filled it up this morning at 3:30 a.m. You know, 3 hours before I was finished with my 24 hour test period. Actually, I was worried I would fill it up sometime during the night when I was halfway through the day yesterday, so I tried to cut back on the water I was drinking, in case that might help. It didn't.

Hopefully, it was enough for them to get the test done that they wanted to get done. It's left me wondering just what they do to test it, and how it's completed. I mean, it's a big ol' jug of piss. WTF? I'm pretty sure they ran the test to see if I have Cushing's, but we'll see. All that it confirmed for me was that, yes, I pee a lot in a 24 hour period. Hopefully, they're able to get more out of it than that.

Then there was the whole issue of getting it back to the lab this morning, before I came to work. That was joyful. It was bad enough that I had to carry it back and forth from the fridge (it had to be refrigerated. Yes, we'll be scrubbing that shelf very well today, even though it's not like it leaked all over the place, or anything!) to the master bathroom all day yesterday. But then I had to put it in the passenger seat of the car, and walk it into the damned doctor's office this morning, trying to attract as little attention as possible. I had an opaque green plastic bag to keep it in, so no one could see it, but the bag kept blowing open on the way in the building, and all I could think was Please don't let me slip, fall, and bust open this jug of piss all over the parking lot, God! And then I got in the office and it was, again, FULL of people (mostly old and feeble-type people who probably can't see more than a foot in front of their face, but still), and I was all, "Oh hi! Yeah, I have this bottle of my piss that I need to drop off? Can I leave it here?" But in a more subtle way, I swear. But I couldn't help but think that the entire time I was holding the damned jug! It weighed a gazillion tons, it seemed like, and the green bag just made me feel conspicuous once I was in a room full of people, and it was a really tense morning for me, is all.

::deep breath::

It's over now, though. Hopefully, I won't have to do something like that again anytime soon.

Pee is just a very private thing to me, is all. Except when I'm writing about it, apparently. In that case, I'm perfectly willing to share. I'm so weird.


Ms. Pants said...

The saliva test and the piss test can check for Cushing's. They might also want to do a brain scan on you if they find any cortisol issues in your spit/pee tests to make sure you don't have a pituitary tumor. My friend that had Cushing's had one and had to have it removed. They went up her nose, essentially. But I figure you've got all sorts of street cred after that. "I had a BRAIN TUMOR, asshole." Not much trumps that.

Faith said...

Up the NOSE?

Hm. Maybe a tumah would explain why my nose is runny all the fucking time, too. That'd be awesome.

And absolutely on the street cred thing. Seriously, I've got a picture of an evil little dude that lives in there already...a tumor would just make sense, really.