Monday, February 28, 2011

Reno. Hrm, and meh.

The trip to Reno was relatively uneventful, except for all the near-death flying experiences, all the laughing that occurred thanks to my brother and sisters being so goddammed fucking funny, and the diseases that I might've caught from the spoogy couch that was in my hotel room. Ew.

I'd never been to Reno before my trip last Friday. It all would've been fine, I'm sure, had it not been such shitty, shitty weather in the west, which caused our plane to Vegas to go slower than it should have, the landing in Vegas to be scarier than it should have, and the snow in Reno to be as impeding as it was for plan landings, et al, on Friday mid-day.

Of course, after we landed (we'd had to circle for about 20 minutes while the airport decided whether to let any of us land or not. Joyous.), it got sunny and lovely throughout the area. Awesome.

Oh, and the lady next to the Twin on the plane was texting people on the ground throughout our delay in the air. Like, when we were circling waiting for the word on whether we could land. Fucking retard.

That said, I survived. We all did. Which is a good thing in my book.

The hotel in Reno was one of the main casinos in town, apparently. They upgraded my room to one of their cavernous models, since the one "I" wanted (my brother booked the rooms, so I really didn't have a preference aside from having one with a bed and private bathroom) wasn't available. I was on the top floor, and my room was ridiculously huge...
Kind of a shitty picture, but seriously, it was ginormous. However, the bathroom hadn't been updated since maybe 1980, so there was some give and take involved. Also, I had been sitting on the couch for a bit when I realized there was some...unidentifyable staining on the couch right next to me. I moved away from it, but after finding it there, it was pretty hard to forget about. Blech.

The view out the window was pretty, though!

Friday night, the Twin and I did a minor amount of gambling, and then we watched our brother and sister gamble a bit. We got tired pretty soon though. After all, we had had a really harrowing day that had started super-early (at least in my case, it did!), so sleep was paramount by the time 11 p.m. rolled around.

The twin continued to have a bit of a rough evening, thanks to blood sugar issues that she wound up having (and which I wish she would have called me for help with!), but I went to bed without too much fan fare around midnight, after popping a couple of Advil and benadryl to ensure true knocked-outedness.

And then at about 2:45, I woke up, for some reason. I laid there for a bit wondering if I was losing my mind or...was the smoke alarm beeping at me intermittently?

Nope. I was not losing my mind. The fucking smoke alarm was beeping. At home, it's a usual indication noise that it makes when the battery needs to be replaced.

Unfortunately, I quit traveling with extra 9-volts on me back in 1996. They just don't seem to come in handy as much now as they did back then.

So I whimpered a little, and got out of bed to flip on a couple of lights, and to confirm that the noise was, indeed, coming from that fucking smoke alarm. And then I called the housekeeping/maintenance line and asked for help. Fortunately, being in a hotel where just about everything was open 24 hours, I was able to get help immediately. A nice maintenance guy came up within 5 minutes to replace the battery on the smoke alarm. He apologized for the inconvenience, and I thanked him for his speedy help, and then went back to sleep.

About 3:15, I was woken again. The beeping was back. But this time, it was happening every 20 seconds or so, instead of every 30. It seemed that replacing the battery had just juiced it up, and gave it more vigor to be able to DRIVE ME MAD.

Again, I called the maintenance line, and didn't attempt to clear the whine from my voice as I begged for help with that DAMNED smoke alarm! The woman assured me that someone would be up ASAP. I climbed into bed to cry/whimper/count the seconds between beeps while I waited for the maintenance guy to come back and help.

He returned with a new smoke alarm in hand, and it took him about 15 minutes to take down the old one, and put up the new one. He said he'd just take it down and leave it, if he could (and don't think I didn't want to ask him to do that!), but it'd be illegal. I told him I understood, and we just had to cross our fingers that this one would behave itself!

And it did.

Unfortunately, when Leo's alarm on his phone went off at 6 a.m. CST on Saturday morning, he made it call me instead of hitting the snooze button. So I'd been asleep again for about 15 minutes when my phone rang.



"HONEY! You called me! HON. WAKE UP."


"Goddammit, honey. You called me when your alarm went off. GET UP."


::whimpering:: "Your fucking phone called me. It's time for you to get up. Please don't call me again!"

"Oh. Ok."

"Love you! BYE."


I hoped he woke up, but didn't really care much. Later, he told me he thought he was having a dream, because he thought his alarm had gone off, but then he heard me yelling at him, "HONEY! WAKE UP. You need to wake up now!" Hahahahaha! Yeah, it was funnier after the fact, and when I'd gotten another few hours of sleep in me.

Anyway, yesterday, I was exhausted. I was super-happy to be alive after all that flying about, but I was just tuckered, yo. Today, I feel a bit better.

Reno was fun, if only because my siblings and I had such a good time together. I'm glad to be back on solid ground for a bit, though. Ooof!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The biggest little city in the woooorrrld...

I'm depressed today. I'm going to go ahead and blame my period for all my weird-ass, stupid feelings I'm having as the day goes, since I have it, and I don't get to blame it all that often for stuff.

I mean, I always have the prerogative to blame it whenever I want, since I'm a woman and all, because no one really knows if I do or don't have it. But that's not really my style.

I wish I was like this one coworker that I have. She's always upbeat, and always makes me laugh, and never seems to let stuff get her down. She has good reason for shit to get her down, too. But she just...doesn't. I don't know how that works. I wish I did.

I'm going to be taking a 3 day weekend this week...heading to Reno tomorrow for a family meeting. So it'll be nice, because I get to see the Twin, and our other siblings, but I sure wish it wasn't snowing out right now. And that it wasn't supposed to snow both days I'll be there. I think it was our brother's idea to have this meeting in Reno in freaking February, so I'll go ahead and mock him a lil' bit when I see him. Face to face mocking is always so much more fun than any other kind...

So everyone have a lovely weekend out there. I'll take pictures while I'm in Reno, and plan to share them next week. Because, why the hell not? :D

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Maybe I should send out a memo...

I have back to back staff meetings with my two bosses this morning.


Is it not bad enough that I have hormonal headaches, horrible fatigue, and feel like eating the world thanks to my being lucky enough to be a girl? No. Apparently not. I just had to go and be subjected to two hours of boringness in a row.


Send me vibrant, awake vibes from 10 - 12 central time, would ya???

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Parking is NOT that HARD!

Look, if you've been driving for 20, 30 years? GET THE PARKING THING DOWN.

It's not that hard! FUCK.

Monday, February 21, 2011

If you touch my paw *one more time*, I will cut you.

I don't know if there's a sweeter puppy on the planet outside of my Izzy-pizzy. Ok, maybe one that doesn't bark like a mad-woman at the mailman every day, but still...she's so sweet and twee and she's just an awesome doggeh!

Last week, she seemed to be developing a limp. We couldn't figure out what was going on, because it switched legs...early in the morning, she'd be limping and favoring her right front paw, and then later in the day it would switch to the left paw. It was weird. Regardless, something was wrong. I tried feeling her legs, and checking for any objects that might be poking them, or for swelling or anything like that, and found nothing out of the ordinary. I tried looking at the pads of her feet, and of course sent her into a tizzy of licking me until I LET GO, DAMMIT.

She really, really hates it when we touch her paws. Like, she does this sweet licking thing to warn us first, but you know that if you do it for too long, she's not above bearing teeth over it. (We've never pushed the point, to be honest. It's funny for us to tease her from time to time over it, but for the most part, we leave her feet alone. We let someone else trim her toenails, even!)

So we got her into the vet last Monday, and they thought it might be a joint thing, and gave us some puppy nsaids to give her. And we did. And the limping continued.

And then Saturday, she was licking and licking and licking her right paw. So I finally looked, and saw what looked like a sore of some sort on one of the pads. I got Leo to be the lickee, and he held her head while we both checked the sore, and sure enough, it looked like a painful open wound! Actually, it looked like a scratch. We figured it developed thanks to her having to go out in the cold and snow and ice to do her bidness over the last month. But what else are dogs supposed to do? Should we lay out a red carpet, for crissakes?

We didn't believe it was emergency material, so we waited until this morning to get her in to the vet. She was fine, for the most part. She laid still a lot of the weekend, and we tried to keep her from licking it to death when she was in the mood to do that instead of just sleeping.

Apparently, it's a corn, or some shit. And the doctor was looking at it, and poked it a bit too much, according to Leo, and stuff started (sorry!) oozing out of it. My poor girl!!! Like I said, she's been bearing it like a champ so far. And now that we have our eye on it, hopefully it will get better. The sore has been drained, the paw wrapped up, and we have antibiotics to give her to hopefully clear up any infection that might be in there.

Jake is extremely worried about her, of course. He's all interested in her bandage, and wants to cheer her up by licking her to death. (He just doesn't seem to understand that sometimes? Licking ain't the answer.)

My feet are offering pain in sympathy today for her, it seems. I wore shoes that I usually wear with socks or tights, and I'm wearing them with bare feet today. GAH. Bad. idea. It's during times like these that one is reminded of just how important the comfort of the foot is. Very, very important...cannot WAIT for this day to be over!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Did you all know that people in concentration camps were actually in good shape?

I saw my endocrinologist today for the follow up on all my tests that I did a month ago.

He's an odd bird.

All my tests came out at normal levels. Which is good, and should be celebrated, I s'pose.

But I'm still big and fat and need help with that. So I guess we now know for sure that it's because I need to eat waaaay less, and just keep up with as much exercise as I can. (Still 4 times a week right now. I'm trying to squeeze in another day, but dammit, it's hard!)

I told him I was worried after our last appointment because he had told me that I might have to cut my calorie consumption in half, and that would mean, like, 700 - 800 calories per day. Which seems unhealthy and a little ridiculous to me. And he said, "Some people are offended when I say this, but just think about how people in concentration camps lived on less than 1200 calories a day."


I didn't really flinch at that comment. I asked the guy for a daily Rx for prozac, and I didn't need him to take that back from me, so I just went along with it.

I told him that I just thought it was supposed to be unhealthy for your body and metabolism to be placed on such a restrictive diet. He said, "Nah...your body adjusts!"

Hm. Like an anorexic's body does? You know, with eventual organ failure and hair falling out and stuff? (I didn't say that, but I was thinking it...)

Anyway, he recommended I look into that Slim4Life weight loss company, because he thinks it's the best one available, hands down. I think my working out and maintenance of 1200 - 1400 calories per day will do the job, though, so I'm going to stick with that.

And then I looked up Slim4Life when I got back to my desk and found reviews like these:

"I tried slim for life a year ago and it is so disappointing. Once you break the diet down you are allowed to eat between 800-1200 calories a day! Why in the would would I give someone $1000 to tell me “hey if you eat very little you will lose weight.” What a joke."

"I spent over 2K on slim for life to lose 30 pounds. That did not include the fortune I spent on buying all the “fresh” or “fresh/frozen” food. I took all the nasty pills and drank the nasty power boost and did the whole thing. I lost about 28 in 12 weeks. I HATED every minute of it!"

"I started slim4life in May, 2010 at 184lbs…am now at 145 and while I love the way I look, my hair is falling out and my kidney function is out of whack as well as my ferritin levels have bottomed out. I very firmly believe it is a result of all the “herbs” that I spent over $1000 on."

So, yeaaahhh...I'm gonna go ahead and avoid that place, even though I had little interest in it to begin with.

Anyway, I'm officially done with this endocrinologist. He's supposed to be a pretty darned good doc, so I don't honestly know how to handle the weird concentration camp comment, and all that. But in the meantime, I'm going to keep on being glad that I'm NOT in a concentration camp, keep working on losing weight the way I have been over the last few weeks, and hope that my body doesn't keep getting more and more evil as I get older. Because, dude...I'm just in my 30's now! What the hell will my body do to me when we reach 40??? I don't wanna know...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

WT VD = White Trash Valentine's Day!

Leo has a penchant for referring to Valentine's Day as "VD". Ever since we were first together, he has given me a homemade card to celebrate "VD", and I honestly can't tell you if he's just writing it that way to save the time of writing the whole thing out? Or if he's still 12? Just not sure on that point.

Regardless, he does it.

So this year, we started talking about how we were planning on "celebrating" the silly day, and I was all into that heart-shaped pizza that Papa Murphy's was selling. Goofy, stupid...a good way to mock the day, if you ask me.

We decided to make it a "boxes and boxes" day, by getting boxed wine (inspired by a whole boxed wine section at one of our local liquor stores we visit), and a pizza (in a box, of course!), and then washing it all down cream cake. I don't know how that fit in there, but there ya go.

I got sick on Monday, so we had to delay the celebration a little bit. Last night, I went home and found that Leo had been hard at work on his card-creating for me. It was awesome. The front of the card said, "The things men do to get laid. I mean, TO BE IN LOVE." And then the inside was this;Hahahahaha! That's a picture of me and Leo from Christmas that he went ahead and pasted a picture of George Clooney onto, since he knows that I'd like to retire at the ripe age of 38, and start my official stalking of George Clooney full time, if possible.

"Would it be great if we could rent George Clooney's head for a day!!"
(Well, personally, I wouldn't mind renting some other parts along with it, but yeah...the head would do, I s'pose)

He didn't end there, though. Oh no. He also took a picture of us from our engagement photos (the only one we have framed, actually...I didn't like them all that much), and took it out of the frame, slapped George on to that one, too, and then put it back into the frame. Hahahahaha! George is so intense when he's posing in studio.

Leo is also intense when he's posing with our ice cream cake...

Domo! We know it's you in disguise! NO ICE CREAM CAKE FOR YOU!!!
Anyway, even though we had to put off the celebration a couple of days, my lovely Leo still found a way to make it fun and special. I knew that marrying him was a good plan, dammit. :D

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sizzle...she's like my sista from anotha mutha.

I LOVE this post from Sizzle today. Love, love, LOVE.

Everything about it. The post, the comments following the post...everything.

Go and read it. And feel free to join in the discussion. Or bring your discussion back here, if you want. Whatever, just, more dialogue about this subject is required. I've written about it before, and we've all discussed it, but does it get us anywhere???

Not really.

And some of us are tired of it, is all.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

It's either my gall bladder, or a surprise pregnancy.

So I'm thinking I have gall bladder problems. This isn't a surprising revelation...just a really shitty one.

Fortunately (?), I tend to only experience a sour stomach and nausea as my symptoms. Not really a lot of pain to speak of. It could be much worse, is all.

And maybe it will get worse. Who knows? I'm going to try to cut it off at the pass, though, and just get as much fat out of my diet now while I can. Which is what my personal trainer has been trying to get me to do for a couple of months now, so she'll be happy, I'm sure! I was down to being between 45 - 55 grams per day. My effort now will be to get below 30 grams a day.

I'm afraid to eat anything. It's like a little test...will this make me nauseous? Will that give me gas and bloating? How about...a leetle bit of avocado? AUUUGGGHHH! Scared. All the time. (For the record, I ate the little bit of avocado in the sushi rolls I chose for lunch today. So how my body reacts to that remains to be seen. It couldn't have been more than an eighth of a whole one. Hopefully, that won't do much damage! Hopefully, it does NO damage, dammit!)

I've had a whole 700 calories today, and I don't plan on eating much more. I'm kind of hungry, but I think the fear is keeping it at a lower roar than usual.

I need my acupuncture to hurry up and start working on balancing all this shit out, yo. ::sigh:: Also, I see my endocrinologist on Friday this week to go over all the fun tests we did a month ago. I'm sure he'll be happy to hear that I've developed this gall bladder bullshit in the meantime.

I know my body doesn't suck as much as it could. But, man...this just isn't any fun, anymore. Can I go back to being 22 again, please?

Monday, February 14, 2011

Heart-shaped nausea

Ugh...heart-shaped jewelry makes me feel icky inside. I don't know why, but I just cannot stand the stuff.

Maybe that's why I'm feeling so nauseous today? Should I blame all the jewelry ads that have been leading up to this loveliest of all lovely Valentine's Days? Nothing better than being sick as hell on a fun "holiday" when you were planning on celebrating with pizza, wine, and an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins, eh?

I'm drinking ginger-everything, and have crackers in case I feel like trying to put something into my stomach, ever. Actually, I ate breakfast. And then everything went downhill, fast. Of course, I won't vomit, because my body is awesome like that. ::sigh:: But I feel like I will at any moment. Which made working from home an inevitability today.

Thank goodness my bosses are the best bosses ever!

Hope everyone else is having a good Monday. If you have vomit ideas for me, please share.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

I wonder if it's significant that it's been 6 years...

Every once in a while, I remember to check the John Edward website to see where his tour is taking him, and when he's going to be back in our neck of the woods. A couple of weeks ago, one of those urges hit me, and I checked his tour dates for upcoming Overland Park visits.

Of course, this is the one year in several where he won't actually be coming to Kansas City. Instead, he'll be in Wichita again this year. ::sigh:: Not only do I not want to make that drive again, but it also falls on a Wednesday night. Fine for me, but Leo has school the next morning, and that means we wouldn't be able to stay overnight after watching the session. And I really, really hate making that drive twice in one day. Sucks.

So that was right out.

But then I thought to check out the other locations he's planning on hitting up. And lo and behold, if he wasn't going to be in Lincoln, Nebraska just a few short weeks from when I was on his website! So I figured there might not be any tickets left, but YAY! There were!!!

So tomorrow afternoon, Leo and I will hop on up to Lincoln so we can see John Edward speak. I haven't been able to see him since 2005, and I can't believe it's been as long as it has!

For those who are wondering why I'm so excited to see a politician speak in Lincoln, NE, you're thinking of John Edwards. This is John EDWARD. Basically put, dude talks to dead people.

Or, rather, they "talk" to him.

Anyway, regardless of your level of belief in that sort of shit, he's wildly entertaining to see in person. I've seen him twice before, and while I've never been "read", I've been absolutely fascinated by what I saw as a member of the audience.

Plus, he's a funny dude.

Anyway, Leo has always had a more skeptical view of the afterlife, even with all the goings on we have in our home. And while he's been somewhat forced to rethink his position on it all since we've been together, he still tends to keep his mind trained on the thought that after we die, we're just gone.

I'm really excited that he finally gets to see a medium like John Edward in person like this. And maybe I'll have the opportunity to ask another question while I'm there, like HOW THE FUCK DOES OUR GHOST MOVE SHIT AROUND??? That's one for the books. Because I like to think I know how it all works, but it'd be interesting to hear his professional opinion on teleportation of objects.

I wonder if I should take along the over $2 in change that we've received from Jeffers thus far...hmm....

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

How do you treat yourself on your birthday?

Ok, so as mentioned previously, today is my birthday. (It's also the Twin's birthday, of course. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TWIN! Quick reminder: you wouldn't have been born had I not gotten out of the way first. So YOU OWE ME, INFINITY. Mwahahahaha!) I feel better than I did yesterday, which is a good thing. I went to bed at 9 p.m. last night, and then woke up at 1:30 a.m. thinking it was time to get up. It was awesome to get to go back to sleep for another 4.5 hours!

My stomach is still a little pissed at me, though, but the nausea is gone. So fuck it. I'm eating what I want, yo!

That said, how do you like to "treat" yourself on your birthday? For me, it involves food. (Shocking, I know.) Since the snow we're expecting is likely to be less than an inch total, I kept our reservation at Michael Smith alive after we'll be heading there for dinner tonight. YAY!

But I still want to treat myself for lunch. Like with something I don't eat all the time, especially lately since I've cut my calorie intake down as much as I have.

Right now, it's a toss up between a meatball sub (but I don't know where to get one that would make it worth while, which is the problem...D'Bronx, maybe?), a BLT and fries from someplace like Chili's, or my favorite bento box from Sushi House. Hopefully I'll decide soon. It's almost lunchtime!

Anyway, am I alone in this kind of birthday fun? Or do other people have the same splurge tendencies as me? Tell me what you do for yourself on your birthday! Maybe I'll get some fun ideas for next year...:D

Monday, February 07, 2011 (Hint: No. No it isn't.)

No jury duty today. Yay.

Instead, I have a flu bug that allows me to be just functional enough to feel bad about calling in sick to work, but still feel shitty while I sit at my desk.

Hopefully people will leave me alone for the most part today.

I'm so excited about my birthday tomorrow, now. ::sigh:: We're supposed to go out to Michael Smith for dinner. But with the snow expected throughout the day tomorrow, and the awesome way my stomach has been queazy after every meal I've attempted to choke down, I think I'm gonna have to cancel the reservation.

Happy 37th to me, eh? Stupid flu bug...

Friday, February 04, 2011

I'm on the edge of my seat. :/

You wish you were me right now.

I can tell from here, even. You would be as excited as I am if you were in my shoes, boy.

That's right! I have a jury summons, muthafuckers! And it's MINE, allll miiiine.

::sigh:: This is actually the 4th one I've received in the past couple of years. I think I'm getting them every 6 months or so. They tend to come during inopportune times. Like this one. It'd kick off my birthday week with a yawn if I actually get summoned!

Kansas is fun in that regard. See, they send a summons in the mail, but it just gives instructions to call the weekend before the actual date you're asked to appear and find out if they're really going to need you. I think they must draw from a hat, or something, and pick a group at random to actually call in.

So I have to call tonight after 5 p.m. to find out whether or not I'll be going in to do the ever so exciting job of sitting for the day on Monday.

Yeah, yeah...not much different from my actual job, but still. I have an acupuncture appointment on Monday night, and if I have to do the jury duty thing, it's gonna fuck that all up.

Plus, did I already mention the birthday thing?

Ok...t-minus 26 minutes till I find out...

Thursday, February 03, 2011

So, acupuncture.

I've officially launched into my acupuncture program, which I will affecionately title "Project FUCK OFF, Facial Tic!" Or, Project FO for short.

I met with my acupuncturist dude last week. He explained his background in both acupuncture and chiropractic, and we discussed my issue with my facial tic and stuff. And then he took some x-rays, so he could better view my neck bones, and then I had to get my energy read by this weird little machine that checked all 6 energy source points in both my wrists and my feet (there are 12 altogether), and apparently is able to give the doctor a better read on what exactly is going on with my body internally, thanks to a chart print out that is filled with pretty colors and graphic descriptions of my imbalances.

He gave me a copy so I could review it, and better understand what the fuck is wrong with me.

Lots of things are, actually.

Not that that's a big surprise to anyone!

I'm not the worst he's seen, though. But I'm not exactly doing well, either.

Now, if you are a person who doesn't subscribe at all to the Eastern Medicinal way of thinking, all of this info is going to likely sound like a bunch of jibber-jabber to you.

I, however, have seen this shit work pretty well in the past. Both on myself and on others. I think there's a lot of credence to it, and that's why I was willing to give it a go. Especially since all Western doctors were telling me was "Yeah, you're stressed, and that's why your face does that." And that was about it.

Gee. Thanks.

But the Eastern way of looking at it tells me OH, so much more.

And in my attempt to figure it out, I though talking about it out here might help. So here goes. This is what my personal "energy balance" report says about me, specifically...

This is motherfucking LONG.

Ok, my "chi energy level" is somewhat elevated. It's not ridiculously bad, but in conjunction with my "energy stability", which is slightly low, it's fucking me up.

However, my yin/yang balance is only slightly on the yang side. It's in a pretty good place, according to the doctor. So I have ONE thing right! Good job, me!

Unfortunately, all this other shit is way wrong.

My "meridian analysis" is as follows:
The Lung Meridian controls respiration, the throat, nose, skin, and body hair. It dominates the chi throughout my entire body, it says.

My energy in the Lung Meridian is excessive.

This helps explain my headaches, excessive phlegm, and eternally runny nose issues. (It also indicates a potential for throat problems, back pain, asthma, and something called "lung distention w/ sweating". I don't know what that is, but I don't have a problem with any of that stuff.)

It would also explain thyroid irregularities. Which is telling.

Ok, so next up is something called the Pericardium Meridian, or the circulation/sex meridian. It governs hormones, cirulation, and protects and regulates the heart.

Basically, it covers a LOT of ground!

My energy in that meridian is deficient. Which is not shocking in the least.

On the little print out it says, "Energetic disturbances in the pericardium meridian may involve one or more of the following emotional factors: the ability to feel and express positive emotions."

Deficient chi in this meridian may indicate the potential for palpitation, shortness of breath, headache, chest pressure, speech disturbance, indigestion, diarrhea, restless sleep, and hormonal imbalances.

Which I can place a checkmark to the whole list. I deal with ALL of that shit on a regular basis. The only ones that aren't very frequent are the shortness of breath and chest pressure. Since I've been working out more regularly, those arent issues anymore, really. But the rest of it? Spot on.

Next, we have the Heart Meridian. Governs the heart (duh), circulation, facial complexion and mental/emotional function.

It's a biggy, basically.

Mine is deficient. Of course it is. ::sigh::

This is an interesting paragraph: "Energetic disturbances in the heart meridian may involve one or more of the following emotional factors: Center of love and security; attacks: squeezing all the joy out of the heart in favor of money or power; long-standing emotional problems; lack of joy; excess joy; abnormal laughing; excessively talkative." (I don't understand why the "attacks" part is worded the way it is...doesn't make much sense to me, actually. Just know I'm copying it word for word from the print out the doc gave me. ::shrugs::)

Ok, some of that is a bit offensive. Like, am I not supposed to laugh abnormally hard sometimes? Like that that Louis C.K. performance that Leo and I watched a couple of weeks ago? Was that uncontrollable laughter due to my heart meridian being all fucked up? I don't think so,

The excessively talkative thing though? HA! YES, indeed. (See: current post, for example.)

But which is it? Lack of joy or excess joy? MAKE UP YOUR MIND, WEIRD TEST THING.

The deficient chi effects in this meridian are similar to the ones for the pericardium...palpitation, diarrhea, insomnia, poor respiration, and speech disturbance. With the added bonus of pain or cold in chest and limbs (huh?), cold sweat, nausea, yellow eyes, warm palms, and poor memory. Awesome.

Next we have something called the Triple Heater Meridian. This one governs respiration, digestion, and elimination. I'm excessive in this meridian, which isn't a surprise to me. In an effort to remain less graphic, I'll just leave it at that.

This next one is just funny to me. And not as gross as it sounds. It's the Large Intestine Meridian. Of course, this controls the elimination of solid waste, and functions with the Lung Meridian to regulate lung function and skin.

Mine is SPLIT, which means that sometimes it's excessive, and sometimes it's deficient.

Yeah, tell me something I don't know, meridian-energy-test-result thinger! It's so FUN to be me!

Anyway, more detail says that there is a significant inbalance in this meridian's energy between the right and left sides of my body. Fab.

Energetic disturbances in the large intestine meridian may involve holding on to the past, fear of letting go, crying, compulsion to neatness (oh, rly?), and defensiveness.

::cue nervous laughter:: Yeah, that might explain some shit. Maybe.

Next up is the Liver Meridian. This is split for me, too. It controls the muscles, tendons, eyes and genitals (why they group those two together is beyond me, but they did!), and regulates blood volume and emotional changes. And also maintains the free flow of chi.

Man...that's a lot of stuff!

HA! "Energetic disturbances in the liver meridian may involve one or more of the following emotional factors: seat of anger and primitive emotions, chronic complaining, justifying fault-finding to deceive oneself, feeling bad, irrationality, frustration."


After that, it goes over the Kidney Meridian, which dominates reproduction and water metabolism. I obviously could give two shits about the reproduction part, but the water metabolism bit is important to me. This meridian controls bone, hair, hearing, and growth/development.

Mine is excessive.

This may be due to any one (or more!) of the following: criticism, disappointment, fear, dread, bad memory, impending doom (DOOOM!), failure, shame, reacting as a child (which I don't get...what does that mean?), and unresolved anger.

It may indicate a potential for malaise, nausea, and a whole host of other shit that I do not have symptoms of. So this one makes no sense to me, basically.

The last one on the list is Gallbladder Meridian, which works with the Liver Meridian to maintain the free flow of chi (which I'm starting to wonder whether it's a synonym for "shit") and to regulate emotional changes.

I find it interesting that the gallbladder and the liver are connected so intimately with emotion and stuff. I mean, the chi thing I get. If your liver and gallbladder are happy and healthy, the rest of your body is going to be a lot happier in return. But the emotional thing...that's helpful to know.

My gallbladder meridian is split. Just like my liver meridian is.

This may be caused by bitterness, resentment, hard thoughts, stubbornness, condemming pride, emotional repression, and being depressed and indecisive. Hm.

The fucked-upness of my gallbladder may indicate a potential for diseases of the gallbladder, lateral head (???), eyes, ears, costal region (need to look THAT up!), lower extremity, and "anger". I think the disease of the anger is the one that scares me the most.

:/ Why don't people proofread this kind of shit?

Anyway, I think I have a better idea of what's going on now. I'm getting acupuncture twice a week for a month, and then we'll reassess, but the plan is to move down to once a week after that. Hopefully, things will get into better balance by then, but we'll see! The acupuncture isn't bad. It's hard for me to lie still with pins in my face, hands, and feet for 20 minutes, but aside from that, it's cool. I really, really hope it cures my twitch. And who knows? Maybe it'll help some of this other shit, too, along the way! ::crossing fingers::

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

What are we watching?

Karl Pilkington is a wise man.

Haven't heard of him? I feel kinda bad for you, then.

(Nah, really, I wound't know who he was, either, if I wasn't married. So I have to thank Leo for this one.)

We've been watching a new show on The Science Channel (yeah, I know. Weird, right?) that's called An Idiot's what Ricky Gervais considers to be his most expensive practical joke ever.

Apparently, he really likes torturing this one friend he has named Karl. Well, he and his cohort Stephen Merchant like torturing him. Both minds together are a relatively diabolical combination when it comes to poor Karl.

The basis of the show is pretty simple: Karl is visiting the 7 Wonders of the World. It's meant to expose him to different cultures, and broaden his mind.

I can totally relate to Karl, and I think that's why I like him as much as I do. If I had a friend like Ricky in my life, I wouldn't need any enemies, basically. Karl has to experience things like foreign toilets, walking the Great Wall of China (the whole wall), Indian "Holi Day", and trying food at a stranger's house that won't take "No, I don't really want that" for an answer. Karl's innocent wit and charm makes it all really enjoyable to watch.

Watch the show. It's on on Saturday nights at 10 eastern/pacific. You've already missed a couple of the shows (there was a introductory 30 minute episode, and then his trip to China and his trip to India, which were each 1 hour long), so you should probably go to the link I posted above and watch the earlier ones on Science Channel's website. You know, if you have the time. (You should find the's totally worth it.)