Thursday, February 03, 2011

So, acupuncture.

I've officially launched into my acupuncture program, which I will affecionately title "Project FUCK OFF, Facial Tic!" Or, Project FO for short.

I met with my acupuncturist dude last week. He explained his background in both acupuncture and chiropractic, and we discussed my issue with my facial tic and stuff. And then he took some x-rays, so he could better view my neck bones, and then I had to get my energy read by this weird little machine that checked all 6 energy source points in both my wrists and my feet (there are 12 altogether), and apparently is able to give the doctor a better read on what exactly is going on with my body internally, thanks to a chart print out that is filled with pretty colors and graphic descriptions of my imbalances.

He gave me a copy so I could review it, and better understand what the fuck is wrong with me.

Lots of things are, actually.

Not that that's a big surprise to anyone!

I'm not the worst he's seen, though. But I'm not exactly doing well, either.

Now, if you are a person who doesn't subscribe at all to the Eastern Medicinal way of thinking, all of this info is going to likely sound like a bunch of jibber-jabber to you.

I, however, have seen this shit work pretty well in the past. Both on myself and on others. I think there's a lot of credence to it, and that's why I was willing to give it a go. Especially since all Western doctors were telling me was "Yeah, you're stressed, and that's why your face does that." And that was about it.

Gee. Thanks.

But the Eastern way of looking at it tells me OH, so much more.

And in my attempt to figure it out, I though talking about it out here might help. So here goes. This is what my personal "energy balance" report says about me, specifically...

This is motherfucking LONG.

Ok, my "chi energy level" is somewhat elevated. It's not ridiculously bad, but in conjunction with my "energy stability", which is slightly low, it's fucking me up.

However, my yin/yang balance is only slightly on the yang side. It's in a pretty good place, according to the doctor. So I have ONE thing right! Good job, me!

Unfortunately, all this other shit is way wrong.

My "meridian analysis" is as follows:
The Lung Meridian controls respiration, the throat, nose, skin, and body hair. It dominates the chi throughout my entire body, it says.

My energy in the Lung Meridian is excessive.

This helps explain my headaches, excessive phlegm, and eternally runny nose issues. (It also indicates a potential for throat problems, back pain, asthma, and something called "lung distention w/ sweating". I don't know what that is, but I don't have a problem with any of that stuff.)

It would also explain thyroid irregularities. Which is telling.

Ok, so next up is something called the Pericardium Meridian, or the circulation/sex meridian. It governs hormones, cirulation, and protects and regulates the heart.

Basically, it covers a LOT of ground!

My energy in that meridian is deficient. Which is not shocking in the least.

On the little print out it says, "Energetic disturbances in the pericardium meridian may involve one or more of the following emotional factors: the ability to feel and express positive emotions."

Deficient chi in this meridian may indicate the potential for palpitation, shortness of breath, headache, chest pressure, speech disturbance, indigestion, diarrhea, restless sleep, and hormonal imbalances.

Which I can place a checkmark to the whole list. I deal with ALL of that shit on a regular basis. The only ones that aren't very frequent are the shortness of breath and chest pressure. Since I've been working out more regularly, those arent issues anymore, really. But the rest of it? Spot on.

Next, we have the Heart Meridian. Governs the heart (duh), circulation, facial complexion and mental/emotional function.

It's a biggy, basically.

Mine is deficient. Of course it is. ::sigh::

This is an interesting paragraph: "Energetic disturbances in the heart meridian may involve one or more of the following emotional factors: Center of love and security; attacks: squeezing all the joy out of the heart in favor of money or power; long-standing emotional problems; lack of joy; excess joy; abnormal laughing; excessively talkative." (I don't understand why the "attacks" part is worded the way it is...doesn't make much sense to me, actually. Just know I'm copying it word for word from the print out the doc gave me. ::shrugs::)

Ok, some of that is a bit offensive. Like, am I not supposed to laugh abnormally hard sometimes? Like that that Louis C.K. performance that Leo and I watched a couple of weeks ago? Was that uncontrollable laughter due to my heart meridian being all fucked up? I don't think so,

The excessively talkative thing though? HA! YES, indeed. (See: current post, for example.)

But which is it? Lack of joy or excess joy? MAKE UP YOUR MIND, WEIRD TEST THING.

The deficient chi effects in this meridian are similar to the ones for the pericardium...palpitation, diarrhea, insomnia, poor respiration, and speech disturbance. With the added bonus of pain or cold in chest and limbs (huh?), cold sweat, nausea, yellow eyes, warm palms, and poor memory. Awesome.

Next we have something called the Triple Heater Meridian. This one governs respiration, digestion, and elimination. I'm excessive in this meridian, which isn't a surprise to me. In an effort to remain less graphic, I'll just leave it at that.

This next one is just funny to me. And not as gross as it sounds. It's the Large Intestine Meridian. Of course, this controls the elimination of solid waste, and functions with the Lung Meridian to regulate lung function and skin.

Mine is SPLIT, which means that sometimes it's excessive, and sometimes it's deficient.

Yeah, tell me something I don't know, meridian-energy-test-result thinger! It's so FUN to be me!

Anyway, more detail says that there is a significant inbalance in this meridian's energy between the right and left sides of my body. Fab.

Energetic disturbances in the large intestine meridian may involve holding on to the past, fear of letting go, crying, compulsion to neatness (oh, rly?), and defensiveness.

::cue nervous laughter:: Yeah, that might explain some shit. Maybe.

Next up is the Liver Meridian. This is split for me, too. It controls the muscles, tendons, eyes and genitals (why they group those two together is beyond me, but they did!), and regulates blood volume and emotional changes. And also maintains the free flow of chi.

Man...that's a lot of stuff!

HA! "Energetic disturbances in the liver meridian may involve one or more of the following emotional factors: seat of anger and primitive emotions, chronic complaining, justifying fault-finding to deceive oneself, feeling bad, irrationality, frustration."


After that, it goes over the Kidney Meridian, which dominates reproduction and water metabolism. I obviously could give two shits about the reproduction part, but the water metabolism bit is important to me. This meridian controls bone, hair, hearing, and growth/development.

Mine is excessive.

This may be due to any one (or more!) of the following: criticism, disappointment, fear, dread, bad memory, impending doom (DOOOM!), failure, shame, reacting as a child (which I don't get...what does that mean?), and unresolved anger.

It may indicate a potential for malaise, nausea, and a whole host of other shit that I do not have symptoms of. So this one makes no sense to me, basically.

The last one on the list is Gallbladder Meridian, which works with the Liver Meridian to maintain the free flow of chi (which I'm starting to wonder whether it's a synonym for "shit") and to regulate emotional changes.

I find it interesting that the gallbladder and the liver are connected so intimately with emotion and stuff. I mean, the chi thing I get. If your liver and gallbladder are happy and healthy, the rest of your body is going to be a lot happier in return. But the emotional thing...that's helpful to know.

My gallbladder meridian is split. Just like my liver meridian is.

This may be caused by bitterness, resentment, hard thoughts, stubbornness, condemming pride, emotional repression, and being depressed and indecisive. Hm.

The fucked-upness of my gallbladder may indicate a potential for diseases of the gallbladder, lateral head (???), eyes, ears, costal region (need to look THAT up!), lower extremity, and "anger". I think the disease of the anger is the one that scares me the most.

:/ Why don't people proofread this kind of shit?

Anyway, I think I have a better idea of what's going on now. I'm getting acupuncture twice a week for a month, and then we'll reassess, but the plan is to move down to once a week after that. Hopefully, things will get into better balance by then, but we'll see! The acupuncture isn't bad. It's hard for me to lie still with pins in my face, hands, and feet for 20 minutes, but aside from that, it's cool. I really, really hope it cures my twitch. And who knows? Maybe it'll help some of this other shit, too, along the way! ::crossing fingers::

1 comment:

faithstwin said...

Huh. Pretty fascinating stuff when it comes down to it. I'm anxious to see if it helps! Souds kinf of like what my dental hygenist was telling me about today- and look at her: she's lost 12 lbs having gone in looking for some help in just trying to balance her hormones!