Thursday, July 14, 2011

It's like a game of ping pong inside my head.

Today sucks just a lil' bit. First of all, I have my stupid, useless, don't-need-it-so-time-to-make-it-stop! quarterly period right now. I hate it. Always have, always will. It's DUMB.

I know I sound like a child about it, but's so unneccessary when it comes to me, seeing as I don't ever, ever, ever, EVER want to have children, that it drives me crazy that I still have to get it even just 4 times a year. My options for stopping it permanently are shitty, so I just have to wait around until my body decides it's menopause time, and God knows when that will happen! Probably, with my luck and karma, I'll have happy ready-to-reproduce organs that will keep on ticking till age 75! ::sigh::

*whispers to lady parts* Please don't keep on ticking till age 75. Please.

So today sucks for that. And then there was the whole stepping in dog shit in the bathroom this morning when I got up to go to the gym at 4:25 a.m. And then not noticing I'd done it, due to the sleep haze I was in, and tracking it all over with me until I saw what had happened about 30 seconds later. THAT was fun.

And now...NOW my body wants chocolate*. But my brain wants me to resist that urge because it knows that I don't need the chocolate. But then another, more evil part of my brain says, "Well, come on now. When was the last time you even HAD chocolate?" And the non-evil, more reasonable part of the brain says, "Last Saturday. Dumbass." And the evil part says, "Yeah, but did you have your period last Saturday? I THINK NOT. Eat the chocolate...enjoyyyy the chocolate...roll around in the chocolate and tell it you loooove iiiiiit..." And while the more reasonable side of the brain does not think that rolling around and talking to chocolate in the office is such a good idea, it's starting to side with the evil side that says to just go buy some already!

Do men know how fucking lucky they are? DO THEY? I sure hope so.

*This is completely and totally unrelated to the stepping-in-shit issue from this morning, btw. Stepping in Jake's shit did NOT make me want chocolate. Not at all. In fact, I couldn't eat for a good 2 hours after I'd finished cleaning up. And I'd already been up for 4 hours and had a strenuous workout by that time! So, yeah. The chocolate thing and the shit thing are two totally unrelated parts of my day.


Ms. Pants said...

IUD not an option?

I know you're somewhere in the realm of my age, give or take a couple years, so I know the docs are all probably "oh no, we can't take out your lady parts!" because that's what mine are saying. Shit, I even asked for Essure (non-surgical sterilization) but my doc was like "how about another Mirena?" because even though I'm at an age where I'm "high risk mandatory" for pregnancy, I might decide I want crotchfruit. Even after I said "I decided when I was 8. EIGHT."

But he laughed when I called him a box-doc so I'll cut him some slack. Plus, I like that my Mirena turns my period into a comma. (A cramp and craving for taco bell--that's it.)

NellieGirl said...

I have Mirena. I've gained weight since I've had (but that might be a result of my inability to listen to that reasonable side that reminds me I don't need chocolate)but other than that I like it. I get a little spotting every now and then. It's annoying because it isn't consistant but it's a small price to pay. I've also already had a kid so I didn't have to get the "are you sure?" talk from anyone which was nice.

Being a girl is balls for sure. Though, the thought of walking around with something dangling between my legs is awful!

Faith said...

My NP suggested the Mirena thing when I saw her a couple of weeks ago. But it sounds like not everyone has their period stop when they're on it. I bet my ovaries would be the kind that would be total fuckers, and keep on keeping on every month, even with the IUD in.

I'm thinking about it, though.

The other option she gave me was something that sounded more intrusive, and a little more likely to fuck with me over all. After discussing the downfall of having anything intrusive done to the lady parts with my older sister over vacation (she recently had a partial hyst, and it's kinda messed things up a LOT for her...), I'm putting that option aside. I don't want to piss my body off any more than it already is!

Why don't they believe us when we say we don't want kids, Ms. Pants? It's so weird. My NP has been seeing me for over 9 years. She knoooowwws that I am vehimently anti-child. And yet she still was all, "If you're absolutely, 100%, never going to change your mind sure about not having children..." And I was all, "GOOD GOD. What do I need to do to make you believe me? Bring in my uterus on a platter for you to give to someone else when I'm here next time???" They just don't seem to get it.

Which is sad. I shouldn't have to convince anyone of my lack of desire to have kids, least of all, my OB/Gyn. ::sigh::

Nora said...

Seriously, I feel your pain. But worse. I can't take use ANYTHING hormonal. So I have a copper IUD. Aaaaannnnndddd.....I get my period every two weeks. EVERY.TWO.WEEKS.

Please shoot me.

Stock tip- Buy into the makers of Playtex. I keep them in business. It's sad when the highlight of my day is finding the 88 count box on sale somewhere.

Faith said...

Nora! That would SUCK.

Ok, yeah...thanking God for small favors. My body is a pain in my ass, but it could be worse. I used to work with a chick that couldn't take any form of birth control without getting excessively sick from it. And that hasn't ever been a problem for me, thank goodness!

I'll quit my bitchin' now. :D

faithstwin said...

Hmmm, Maybe you should consider that this is God's way of telling you to surrogate for others.

(just kidding. I know that isn't an option but you know I would be a Michelle Duggar for people if I didn't have this stupid disease that would pretty much kill me if I got prego again. Alanis Morrisette should have heard about us before she wrote that Ironic song. TOTALLY would have mentioned us in a section, I'm sure.)

Nora said...

haha!! Well, God is a little late in that message, seeing that I'm 38.

Ms. Pants said...

Some people don't stop getting their periods with the Mirena, but even they get way lighter periods.

I have half a box of OB regular tampons I can send you. I'm having a full hysto on Thursday (the 4th) so I don't need them anymore. WHEEEEE!!!!

Nora said...

Ms Pants, I wish I were you right now. I really, really do.

Oh and as for strange cravings? I would kill for a grape soda right now. Totally random.