Leo was reading the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog last night when I got home from work. The front cover was sporting a picture that brought vivid memories rushing back from my past. There was a Green Machine on it, and it looked amazingly similar to a Green Machine we had around the house - likely, it belonged to our brother - when I was a kid.
The Twin and I both had Big Wheels, but I'm sure that my brother had a Green Machine at one point. There wasn't a huge difference between the two bikes, except that the Green Machine was steered through the use of two pully-type handles instead of handlebars. It could be a bit confusing to a kid without much coordination, I'd think.
The Big Wheel was very user-friendly, and allowed the Twin and I to zoom around the back yard, around the pool in dangerously-close-to-the-edge patterns, as well as through a chalk "street" that we drew from the front driveway all the way through the back yard.
I can't remember ever being on Joey's Green Machine, but I remember it being there. How can you forget a bike like this?
So, anyway, Leo gave me the Hammacher Schlemmer, and I went through it to find the Green Machine and see how much it was. (Leo said he wanted one. So I needed to find out how silly that idea really was.) In the process, I found a GIANT Ugly Doll that I wanted for myself. "OOH! Ok, I will get you the Green Machine, if I can get this gigantor Ugly Doll for myself," I said to Leo.
"OK!" he replied.
"Aw...it's $700! Jeezy...no giant Ugly Doll for me. Booo..."
And then I finally found the page with the Green Machine info. I started reading it out loud to Leo, emphasizing the awesomeness of the Hammacher replica being so similar to the original toy, the designer of the Green Machine from the 70's apparently wanted to see the two bikes side by side!
And then I continued to read about how it had some sort of amazing...Harley engine in it, which gave it 60 horsepower? AND speeds up to 50 MPH??? And I was all, "Wait a minu..." as I looked at the price.
"SEVENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS? Oh, come on, man!" Leo was laughing at me and reminding me that all I wanted was the giant Ugly Doll, and then he could have his Green Machine...
You fooled me, Hammacher Schlemmer! You didn't have a picture of a human on the bike in the catalog, so I thought it was a nice, small-sized Green Machine that maybe was gonna cost something like $1,000.
But ohhooo no! Nope, you have to have the $75,000 Green Machine, eh?
Nice try, dudes. Nice fucking try...