Tuesday, October 18, 2011

It's bound to just get stolen by some bully kid up the block, anyway.

"Holy crap! A Green Machine! Wait...does it have an engine on it?"

Leo was reading the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog last night when I got home from work. The front cover was sporting a picture that brought vivid memories rushing back from my past. There was a Green Machine on it, and it looked amazingly similar to a Green Machine we had around the house - likely, it belonged to our brother - when I was a kid.

The Twin and I both had Big Wheels, but I'm sure that my brother had a Green Machine at one point. There wasn't a huge difference between the two bikes, except that the Green Machine was steered through the use of two pully-type handles instead of handlebars. It could be a bit confusing to a kid without much coordination, I'd think.

The Big Wheel was very user-friendly, and allowed the Twin and I to zoom around the back yard, around the pool in dangerously-close-to-the-edge patterns, as well as through a chalk "street" that we drew from the front driveway all the way through the back yard.

I can't remember ever being on Joey's Green Machine, but I remember it being there. How can you forget a bike like this?

So, anyway, Leo gave me the Hammacher Schlemmer, and I went through it to find the Green Machine and see how much it was. (Leo said he wanted one. So I needed to find out how silly that idea really was.) In the process, I found a GIANT Ugly Doll that I wanted for myself. "OOH! Ok, I will get you the Green Machine, if I can get this gigantor Ugly Doll for myself," I said to Leo.

"OK!" he replied.

"Aw...it's $700! Jeezy...no giant Ugly Doll for me. Booo..."

And then I finally found the page with the Green Machine info. I started reading it out loud to Leo, emphasizing the awesomeness of the Hammacher replica being so similar to the original toy, the designer of the Green Machine from the 70's apparently wanted to see the two bikes side by side!

How cute!

And then I continued to read about how it had some sort of amazing...Harley engine in it, which gave it 60 horsepower? AND speeds up to 50 MPH??? And I was all, "Wait a minu..." as I looked at the price.

"SEVENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS? Oh, come on, man!" Leo was laughing at me and reminding me that all I wanted was the giant Ugly Doll, and then he could have his Green Machine...

You fooled me, Hammacher Schlemmer! You didn't have a picture of a human on the bike in the catalog, so I thought it was a nice, small-sized Green Machine that maybe was gonna cost something like $1,000.

But ohhooo no! Nope, you have to have the $75,000 Green Machine, eh?

Nice try, dudes. Nice fucking try...


Donna said...

My son had a big wheel, my daughter had a "little big wheel". They rode those things all the time.

faithstwin said...

Awww- those Big Wheel's were so cool! I can still feel the Whittier air rushing through my pigtails... (and that back wheel dipping off the edge of the brick around the pool as we raced) We were low-rider queens. Look how low that is to the ground!

Remember that dick kid who had the nerve to STEAL our Big Wheels? It was both, right?

*snicker* Heh: $75k.

I think the idea with those handles on the Green Machines was so you could pull a sliding skid off in a massive way. Can you imagine how ridiculous one would look driving around town on one of those HS versions? C'est ridicule!

Faith said...

If you go to the link, they show two dudes in an "alternate view" with one sitting on the Machine, and one standing next to it.

It's nothing other than silly-looking, IMO!

And yeah, I remember the dick that stole our Big Wheels! Hence the title of this post, you goob. :P

Ms. Pants said...

With apologies about the auto-play video thing, I'ma just leave this here link for you to paruse: Adult Big Wheel. Because I love you. And because I totally want one too.

Faith said...

Ahahahahahaha! Ok, Ms. Pants...YOU ARE EVIL! :D

It just so happens that our new house is at the top of a steep, curvy street. And I am totally picturing me and Leo racing down it on those Adult Big Wheels now! (There's a bar at the bottom, so racing down the hill has it's rewards.)

Ms. Pants said...

I wonder if the Big Wheel would count for DUI? Not if you're walking it uphill, I bet. But hey--they aren't $700 for ONE, at least. For that price, you can each have one! And then I'm totally gonna come over and play and Leo will lose his. *cough*