Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Mid-life Crisis 101

So what do you do when both you AND your partner/spouse/person you share your space with harmoniously have a mid-life crisis going on? How do you fix it? What do you SAY to each other?

Most importantly, how does it all wind up working out?

Leo is flailing in his desire to go to school. The only thing it seems he’s truly enjoying right now is his ability to be creative and express his artistic notions in his ceramics class he’s taking. He can’t make sense of English, he couldn’t focus properly in order to succeed in his furniture history class, and he’s feeling very out of sorts about it all.

I don’t blame him one bit.

He told me that his therapist asked him last week what would make him satisfied? What would make him feel more satisfied with what he’s doing day to day?

I said, “Hell, I don’t even know the answer to that question! Like, sitting here thinking about what I could do that would make me feel like I’m fulfilling my position as a human being on this planet? I have no answer for that.”

I’m flailing in my enjoyment of my work as much as Leo is with this whole school issue. I still love my coworkers, and my bosses…but I feel lost. I feel unable to keep up with it all. I have more and more moments of “oops!” and less and less of the “I’m a kick-ass admin!” ones. I’m mixing up everyone’s schedules in my mind. I’m realizing once the weekend hits that I focused too much on one boss’s calendar for the following week, and I might’ve totally dropped the ball on the other ones I have under my care.

Am I getting old? Or am I just getting to a “don’t care” point that might become detrimental to all those I support? If so, does that mean it’s time to get out?

I told Leo that I really want to volunteer and help out in the community, and I think THAT would make me feel more satisfied with my life at the end of each day. He said, “But you’d basically be doing what you do already, right? Helping people?” I said it’d be different, though. Helping people by filling administrative gaps, organizing and assisting wherever needed because I have the time and willingness to do so is just so different than doing it because you’re getting paid to do it.

I hate to say it, but one of the only things keeping me in my position right now at my job is the health care. Leo said he could go get a job at the Starbucks down the street, and he could be the healthcare person for a while.

I dunno. We’re both feeling a bit useless. A bit of a need to wander, I think. And we don’t know how to fix it.

4 comments:

faithstwin said...

You know what helps me get through those moments? A nap. ('cause you know I have them almost daily- especially as someone who doesn't even have a job to offer even slight fulfillment)

Just kidding about the nap- but you know I have switched gears several times in what I have thought about persuing in the past couple of years and I still don't know what to do.

Speaking of insurance, today is when I can officially request a quote from Kaiser- I can't wait to see how quickly they deny me. Gah!

Back to you guys: That has to be tough on Leo. He can come here and help me open my soup kitchen. That would be cool.

Faith said...

He does make very good soup.

faithstwin said...

He's never made me any. =( Maybe when we go skiing?

Faith said...

Yes. Friday night will be SOUP NIGHT! Woo! :D