Monday, February 27, 2012

Travel: Why Does It Have To Suck So Bad?

Ah, the joys of traveling.

So we flew to California last week. On the way out there, Leo got to sit next to the OCD guy who liked to whistle. And then hum. And then whistle some more.

Given, he did offer us the use of his antiseptic wipe that he was using to wipe down his entire seat area (back of seat in front of him, tray table, his own seat, arm rests, and his seatbelt), so we could be germ-free just like him. We thanked him, but turned him down. (And then I licked the tray table and the plane safety card in my seat pocket to freak him out a little.) As he continued to hum/whistle intermittently, I might have mentioned something about whether it would be crossing a line to crush up a Xanax and put it in a seat neighbor’s drink to Leo. Then I put on my ear phones and turned up the TV to drown him out as much as possible. (Because Frontier is fucking AWESOME like that. TV on the mutherfucking plane, yo.)

I wasn’t a winner in the whole thing, just because I had a buffer of Leo between me and OCD guy, though. Nuh-uh. I got to sit behind a dude that was larger than average (which I do not judge him for, at all!) who apparently didn’t think that showering sometime within 3 days prior to flying, or washing his clothes within the previous month would be a good idea. He smelled lovely.

I mention his size at all because, as a chick of larger than average bodyliciousness myself, I know the importance of personal hygiene when it comes to close quarters interaction with other human beings.

VERY. Very important, I say.

But we got to LA without too much trouble. Only one moment of sorta harrowing turbulence that made me grip Leo’s leg for a minute or two. Otherwise, it was a smooth flight.

We had a relatively quiet 5 days in California. Lots of walking. Lots of visiting with the family. Good food. Great hotel. All around very nice trip.

And then we went to the airport to head back to KC yesterday. We were taking a late flight because there weren’t too many options when it came to direct flights to KC from LA, so it was either a 4:50 p.m. flight, or a freaking 6 a.m. flight, or some shit. So I picked the later one, and hoped all would be well.

As we waited in the jacked up waiting area for our flight (it was running a little late, expecting to take off at 5:05 instead of 4:50…no biggy. And the waiting area is jacked up because of a bunch of construction that’s going on in that terminal right now), I noticed the guy sitting across from us was a little jumpy. He dropped his boarding pass on the ground, and didn’t make a move to pick it up. So after a sec, I picked it up for him, and said, “Sir, you dropped your boarding pass.” He took it from me, and then said something about how he was trying to miss this flight. But it wouldn't work out because another one didn’t leave for 2 days.

Um, what? Ok. Whatever dude! I smiled at him, and pulled out my phone to check the internet for fun stuff.

Then I heard him talking to the people next to him about something, but I didn’t pay specific attention to what it was.

Then, he suddenly got up, and walked away. He left 2 bags on the floor in front of where he’d been sitting. I’ve seen lone travelers walk away from their stuff for short periods of time all over the country. Sometimes I pay attention to it, and watch for them to return in a reasonable time frame. I didn’t pay much attention to this guy yesterday, though. Not sure why.

Didn’t matter. The couple sitting next to him were paying attention. I heard them talking about how it had been 15 minutes since he left. The wife was going to check on the status of the flight (it was about 4:40 at that point, and no plane had arrived), and her husband told her to mention the bag abandoner to the gate agent.

I have to be honest...at first, I thought they were a little worked up over something that wasn’t a big deal. But then the guy was gone for 20 minutes. And then 25. And still…hadn’t come back to his bags. That DID seem weird.

And what the hell was with the comment about how he had been planning on missing the flight? Um, pretty easy to do. Just don’t go to the airport, dumbass. Well, we got to talking to the couple that were timing him, and it turned out he’d been asking the wife if she knew how many people the plane would hold. And he’d been mumbling something to himself for quite a while before we’d sat down across from him, I guess.

Basically, dude was acting very odd. And then he disappeared and left his bags just lying there.

So the police were called. And they closed off the area where his bags were and got his description from us after we told him the odd things he’d been saying to us, and then they started boarding the plane. The wife was saying something about how she wasn’t going to get on the plane. Too freaky for her! But she got on, and so did we, and after a long, long loading period, we saw the guy that had abandoned his bags as he boarded the flight too. So they’d found him. And I have no idea what happened, but they deemed him safe to fly.

And then I sat back and waited for the plan to blow up.

No, seriously…it wasn’t that bad. I was trying to figure out if I would’ve been more freaked out if he hadn’t gotten on the plane. But the fact that he did get on the plane…was that a good thing? Fuck if I knew! So I sat back and tried to watch Holmes Inspection on HGTV without too much overreaction going on in my head. It helped that the chick behind me kept putting her foot up on my arm rest as if it belonged to her as part of her seat. “Um, that’s my arm rest. Put your foot down, please.” I bumped into her 2 more times throughout the flight, and if she’d done it again, I was gonna turn around and tell her, “Look, this is MY area I paid to sit in, and that is YOURS. If you wanna use some of mine, its fine, but you’re gonna have to give me $35, ok?” Jeezy chreezy on a stick, what is WRONG with people???

We got home safely last night, and now I’m just short of being a zombie today, but I’m getting lots of shit done. That helps with the tiredness, I suppose. Being busy.

No more travel until May. Which is a good thing. I need the decompression time after that experience yesterday! Phew…

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