Wednesday, June 27, 2012

You know what they say about assuming...

Nurse: So you're still taking propranolol?

Me: Yep.

Nurse: What's the dose?

Me: Still 160 mgs.

Nurse: And that's for hypertension?

Me: (!!!) Um, no. I have cluster headaches.

Her: Ok.

Me: Because I'm fat, right? So I must have hypertension?

Her: Not necessarily...I's a beta blocker. And that's what beta blockers are used for.

Me: Mmhmm...among many, many other things.

Her: Yes, sorry! Ok, any other new prescriptions?

I like that nurse. I don't mean to be bitchy at. all. to people like her who have to work day in and day out in a job where they have to watch the doctor they work for look into vaginas for hours upon hours.

But GODDAMMIT. How about if you ASK me why I take the med instead of shoving some random incorrect idea out into the air that's going to hang there like a big neon SIGN that says "you're FAT, and therefore you MUST BE unhealthy!!! Fatty McFatfatFAT!"?

Yes, I'm aware that I have issues. ::sigh:: I'm dealing with them, slowly.

I don't like you, Rielle Hunter. but dammit, get a new hairstyle!

It's like a "Mrs. Brady", but with a little extra fluff.

This woman isn't exactly someone I give two shits about, but since she's plastering herself all over the media lately, I get to see her more often than I like, and damn. That hair is just BAD.

Someone please tell me if my hair ever gets bad like that. I think that without the shaggy ends, and a slightly shorter bang, she'd be in a better spot. But that's not how it's been done. And she looks like a tool.

Ooooh...wait a minute! Maybe this was an excellently carried out plan by her hairdresser to make her look toolish, so she could match her book better while on tour! That would make sense!!!

Ok, ignore me. Carry on with the toolish haircut, Rielle. And I hope your book sales TANK. :D

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Warning: polarizing post ahead!

Question: what do you do if, while you're at your doc's office for an exam, and you're basically naked except for a cotton poncho and a thin sheet (you might have a paper "gown" in your my case, I was at the gyno, so that's the uniform there), and the fire alarm goes off?

Do you put your clothes on in a hurry and get your ass outside?

Or do you head out in your thin-sheeted glory, expecting that you won't be the only one out in the parking lot dressed that way?

Just something that crossed my mind this morning as I lay on the table waiting for my doc to come in the room. (I was relaxing while I waited. I usually sit up, but today I was tired, and I wanted a nap. Unfortunately, soon after I lay down, I noticed the fire alarm thingy on the roof, and these thoughts started to run through my head, which kept me from catching any shut eye. And then I couldn't stop chastising myself for even thinking about it because...Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, anyone? Of course, since I thought about it, it was likely to happen now. Fortunately, it did not. And if the fire alarm goes off in that building at all today, I will feel very bad about it!)

Sitting in the waiting room at the gyno's office, there were loads of other women waiting to see their own doctors, and ALL of them were pregnant. 2 went in right after I sat down. So as I was sitting there, 9 pregnant women were hanging out, just waiting to discuss their pregnant belleh's. And then 10! And then, thank goodness, I was called back to the exam room.

It seemed I was the only woman there this morning at 9 a.m. just for an annual visit to make sure my ute is up to scratch and disease-free.

Babies. Lots of babies. Several of the women had older children in tow, as well.

I don't know why it struck me as...a bit much.

I know, I KNOW. I was at the gynocologist. What did I expect, right?

It's just...SO many pregnant women. And I was the only one there for myself. Just MY body.

I was the odd woman out. I wonder if that will ever change?

Friday, June 22, 2012

::jazz hands::

It's Friday!

Most of the time, that is a good thing. Most of the time, I am in LOVE with Friday because it means I get to sleep in the next day, and stay up a little later than usual, and maybe have some drinks after a long week of avoiding them as much as possible...

But THIS WEEK, Friday just means that the work week is over, and I have to try to cram as much shit as possible into this afternoon so I can get it all done before Monday is upon us all and I go into HOLYSHITWHYDIDN'TIGETTHATDONEALREADY? mode.

It's been a rough one.I think I've got everything done, but I really hope I don't wind up waking up tonight and remembering something that I missed. That's just the worst, dammit.

Also, I've been drinking more than I should this week, and that means I should really avoid it tonight so that I don't waste the calories. I haven't lost any weight for the last 3 weeks, and that fact is starting to work away at my resolve. I don't think it'll win...I'm really set on losing at least 10 pounds this summer, dammit! But it's just getting tougher and tougher to not just give in to the beer and the wine and the Irish nachos at my favorite bar.

I'll try, though! guarantees.

Happy weekend, all. Hope you got everything done that you needed to get done, and you can truly enjoy it.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Maaaybe I need a new neurologist. :/

I was able to get an appointment with my neurologist for today about the maddening, crazy-inducing, making-me-almost-cry-with-frustration issue of My Twitching Face. (Which makes it sound like My Left Foot. Which is a different thing entirely, as My Twitching Face does not involve Daniel Day Lewis in any way. Although, the twitching IS on the left side. Food for thought, Hollywood.)

After a short discussion, which wasn't all that different from the discussions I've had with him 3 other times in the last 2 years about this same issue, he declared that he thinks he knows what it is, and he prescribed some meds for me to give a try.

He wrote it down so I could look it up when I got back to work. "It's called hemifacial spasm," he said. "In fact, when you look it up, you're probably going to read about the symptoms and say, 'This is exactly what I'm dealing with!'"

And so I looked it up. And damned if he wasn't totally right...

According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke:

Hemifacial spasm is a neuromuscular disorder characterized by frequent involuntary contractions (spasms) of the muscles on one side (hemi-) of the face (facial). The disorder occurs in both men and women, although it more frequently affects middle-aged or elderly women.

I'M TOTALLY MIDDLE-AGED! (I hope.) (I know I'm weird for not wanting to live beyond the age of 80, but I also know I'm not alone in that hope!)

The first symptom is usually an intermittent twitching of the eyelid muscle that can lead to forced closure of the eye.

Um, yep. That's exactly what started happening over 7 years ago. I looked it up at the time, because I thought I was having a stroke, but it turned out to be a normal issue for people who were stressed (like I was), and needed more sleep (not that I wasn't getting enough sleep, but still...I can always stand more!) So I just dealt with it as best I could.

The spasm may then gradually spread to involve the muscles of the lower face, which may cause the mouth to be pulled to one side.

OMG, YES. This was the next thing that started happening after I couldn't figure out what else I could do to help with the fucking twitching eye. It made me think I might be experiencing signs of neurological issues, but again, a quick lookup on the internet told me that I had a hum drum issue that no one could help me with, and I just needed to get a massage.

Eventually the spasms involve all of the muscles on one side of the face almost continuously.

And this is where we are today. I can feel the spasms in my left ear, even. It feels like there's a constant little stream of electric shock that is running under my left eye that makes the whole thing "click, click, click" with a little twinge of movement pretty much all day long. It gets worse sometimes, and the entire eye is twitching, and then there are days like today, when my left cheek is all about joining in the "fun".

So I'm going to fill my Rx tonight, and hopefully, we're on the path to getting this thing conquered. We're not starting with Botox, because there are other things to try first. Which I can appreciate. We'll cross those bridges if we need to, ever. For now, I'll be trying and anti-epilepsy drug that should help. Just a tiny dose to start. And then I'll visit him again in 6 weeks to figure out if it's working.

Good GOD, I hope it works...

Monday, June 18, 2012

It's to the point where I think about it almost every minute that I'm awake.

My facial twitch has reached a level that is making me desperate.

I was hopeful that continued acupuncture and chiropractic care would help it go away, but that doesn't appear to be the case. It's been over a year now, and while my back feels GREAT, my face still twitches all. the. time.


I'm self-conscious about it when I'm in meetings. Or when I'm at the grocery store and have to interact with strangers. Or when I'm hanging out with Leo.

I looked up "uncontrollable facial twitch" on Google the other day, and found a website that suggests that some combo of a bunch of herbs and vitamins might help, but then at the bottom it gave me the opportunity to buy a handy dandy solution that happens to have a combo of all those herbs and vitamins for the low, low price of $45 per bottle (should last about 30 days! YAY.), and it automatically made me question how trustworthy that info might be.

I can see why people would buy it. I'm ready to try anything at this point to make this go away. I think I might have to do botox. But would I rather try a homeopathic remedy first, before I go with the whole injection of botox into an area right next to my fucking EYEBALL? Or have I given the whole alternative medicine thing a fair whack with my acupuncture attempts? (Which, to be fair, the acupuncture really worked rather well whenever I had a hangover. Or when I needed particular help with my IBS before I went primal/gave up gluten.)

All I know is that I need to find a solution SOON. I'm absolutely at my wit's end with it right now!

In the meantime, if you ever meet me, and I'm winking at you like you'd expect a crazy person might do, just know that I'm not 100% crazy. Not yet. Getting there, though! GOOD GOD, FACE, STOP FUCKING TWITCHING!!!

Friday, June 15, 2012

My brain is working slowly this week, when I'm awake. When I'm asleep, HOLY JEEZBALLS the dreams are effed up.

It took me a couple of days to remember that when my internet is acting weird, and I can't access my blog dashboard from my main blog page, I need to go to and do it that way.

Hence the slow week in posting.

My brain decided to take a break this week, is all I can figure. Not that I blame it for doing so.

The Twin asked me yesterday if Leo and I are going to be watching this dude walking on a tightrope across Niagara Falls tonight on ABC. No. No we are not.

See, it's not 1936 anymore. We have different forms of entertainment to fall back on these days, like season 2 of Treme from Netflix, or painting our fingernails a pretty color.

I understand that the guy comes from a long line of daredevils, performers, and general "look at me!" types of people. I get that. I just don't know why his attempt is being covered by ABC as if he's a dude walking through a portal that leads to a new colony on Mars (i.e. something that would be interesting to a large number of people, I'd imagine), when really he's just a dude doing something really questionable and quite stupid like walking on a rope suspended above a raging waterfall from one country into another (i.e. something that is likely interesting to anyone who is about 80 years old and their only other option for entertainment is rearranging the sock drawer again).

I'm biased, though, I guess. Because my idea of fun doesn't involve daredevil activity of any kind. Not even close. I have no longing to jump out of a plane, ever. Or to go parasailing. Or to even get on a fucking rollercoaster. So maybe it's just that I don't understand what makes someone want to do shit like this that leaves me feeling so "meh" about it all.

Anyway, this weekend will consist of pedicures, lying by the pool, and drinking beer at my current favorite bar. Hopefully, you all have something equally exciting planned for your own Saturday and Sunday. Be careful! Don't look down...I've heard that helps, sometimes.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Don't be a dick at the airport.

Leo and I flew home from California on Saturday. The Twin is doing much better, and we had a chance to see some family that I hadn't seen in YEARS while we were out there, so overall, the trip had gone very well in my opinion. I was in a good mood, in spite of the row of children that had sat behind us from Orange County to Denver, and the bumpy landing in the mile high city...we were running on time, and had time to grab a bite to eat before our flight to KC.

On our way to the restaurant between our arrival and departure gate, we had the option of riding on 2 moving walkways. The first one we got on, we decided to just stand on, since we weren't in any large hurry. There were 3 people in front of us, and then a person behind us that apparently wanted to walk insead of stand. That person passed us, and then attempted to pass the 3 people in front of us.

But those 3 people moved to the left, and then to the right, and as they were all out of synch with each other, they simply kept blocking the person from walking. I finally said, "You're supposed to stand on the right of the walkway so people can pass on the left if they want to walk," and one of them looked back at me with this shitty grin on his face, while Leo took the opportunity to walk past the trio instead of remaining behind them. As I attempted to pass, though, the famale member of the troup spread her legs, and blocked the entire walkway. One of her friends had started walking when she did that, and was laughing back at us. I said, "Excuse me." She began to move forward with her legs still spread out, blocking my path and walking very slowly. "I'm sorry, but pardon me," I said again.

She stepped aside, and said theatrically, "Oh. I'm so SORRY. Excuse ME." And then laughed at me. Her friend that was still ahead of me kind of shrugged and kept that shitty grin on his face as Leo and I approached him, and I said, "It's fun to act like a dick in the airport, eh?" And then we stepped off the walkway, and moved on to the next one.

The group was following closer behind at that point, and they were all laughing, and the girl was immitating me in a dopey voice, and I turned around and said, "There's no reason to act like a dick at the airport, you know?" I don't know why I said it. I just don't understand why someone would purposely block fellow travelers from moving from place to place, knowing that some people have very short connection times. But the girl and her two friends just laughed, and she said, "I have a BIG dick. A big, ol dick," and mimicked holding a giant penis in front of her skirt. I just said, "Real mature." And Leo and I continued on toward our gate to make sure everything was still running on time.

I don't like it when people are dicks in general. Bad moods are one thing...we all have 'em from time to time. Being snappy or acting a little "off" because of it is something I can manage to deal with. I do it too!

But just to be a dick in order to get a laugh from it? What is that about? Why do people do it? I'd rather have someone be out and out mean to me due to a bad mood, than to have someone try to purposely rile me up for their amusement.

Actually, I'd rather avoid both scenarios as much as possible, but if I had to choose between the two, that's how I'd roll. So don't be a dick. Please.

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Why do I go in the office again?

Oh yeah...I go to the office because I have a supply "cabinet" I have to manage. :/

I'm enjoying working from California. I get up at 5:45, and get online from 6 - 3 each day, and then I walk, and hang out with my nieces, and make dinner, and it's all going really well.

Everyone's work day should be this awesome. :D

Saturday, June 02, 2012

On my way to California...

I'm in Denver right now. Have a 3 hour layover on my way to CA to help out the Twin and her girls for a few days while the Twin gets back on her feet. Admittedly, last night, she sounded a good amount better than she had earlier in the day. So that was encouraging. The thing is, overnight seems to be her enemy lately. So I'm giving her a little longer, and then I'll call her to check and see what's going on. She was still waiting to get her blood tests back as of last night...takes a while to do the kind they're doing, apparently.

It's maddening.

Anyway, my flight to Denver was, um...entertaining. When I bought my ticket yesterday, I chose a seat in a row of 3 that were still open, and so the middle seat would conceivably be open between me and the guy in the aisle...

...UNLESS, someone bought that ticket between 4 p.m. yesterday and 7 a.m. this morning, that is.

So we sat there, fingers crossed, and had a pretty good go of it until this burly young dude got on, and sat down between us.

He was 25. His name was Bill.

And he was still drunk from last night's shenanegans, apparently. Hahahahahaumyeah.

He was actually really articulate for a dude who apparently blacked out at about 2 a.m., according to his recollection. He had been at a bachelor party for his sister's future husband. And he's on his way to LA today in a sudden manner, because his boss called him out to Las Vegas to work on his sport book. (Had to go to LA to meet with his boss first, before they both fly to Vegas on Monday, I guess.) Or something. I don't know what he did for a living, really. He said he works for a guy that's pretty rich (worth $70M), and his specific job is to bet on sports for him, basically. I dunno. The guy sitting on the other side of him said he sounded like a male prostitute to him. Hahahahaha! Yeah, I can see that.

But I didn't mind chatting with him. He was a little loud after a while. And he smelled like alcohol (when he first sat down and got settled, he leaned over and asked me, "Hey, do I smell like alcohol?" And I said, "Um, YES." But it wasn't gross. He immediately explained about the bachelor party thing, and I understood. And then we took off, and I was looking out the window (like I do), and he poked me and I looked over to see him making a KISSY FACE at me!

I couldn't help it, I laughed. And then I said, "Dude, you are weird!" And he agreed. And said he was kidding.

I guess it was a good thing we chatted the whole way, because HGTV was all reruns anyway. (Frontier Airlines = live TV on the plane!!!) And it was a distraction from all the crazy going on right now.

I'm looking forward to seeing the Twin, and helping her out now. Thanks to everyone for their prayers, good vibes, and responses to my "what do I doooooo?" questions this week. This kind of shit just scares me, is all. Having people giving me their feedback is grounding, somehow. :)

Friday, June 01, 2012

Ok, what would you do if you were me?

So the Twin thought she might get better, and then she didn't, and now today, she's getting worse.

She keeps telling me not to worry, but I don't know if that's a fried brain talking, or what.

Her oldest is pretty concerned, and was crying when they saw the doctor today, which made the doctor tell her that she shouldn't worry...everything will be fine!

But WHEN will it be fine? And should I fly out there? I'm pretty fucking pissed at myself for not flying out there today. I should've done that, dammit. I can fly out tomorrow, no problem. I told the Twin to let me know. She's waiting on her new prescription, and then they did a blood test that will apparently let them know if she has a blood infection, definitively (WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THAT 2 DAYS AGO???), and she'll let me know if I should come out after that.

I'm thinking I'll just cancel my hair appointment I have for tomorrow, and head out there without waiting to hear back from her. What do you guys think?