Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Being a woman is so freaking *weird* sometimes!

Today, I feel matronly and un-cute.

But just two days ago, I felt super-cute and awesome.

How does that happen, huh? How do I look so fucking cute (to myself, anyway) one day, and then totally blah 24 hours later? I don't get it.

Tonight, Leo and I will be heading out with some friends to see the Tenacious D concert in midtown. I am totally excited and actually am already anticipating the sadness I'll feel when I no longer have the concert to look forward to anymore. That's just how excited I am to see them live.

I'm gonna do my best to look adorable by the time we head out. I need different shoes. And a better dress. So I have plans, at least, for making myself look better. We'll see how they pan out!

On a totally different note, I have a ladies' room issue to discuss again. Someone is consistently peeing all over the fucking seat in my favorite stall here at work. Consistently. Like, every day, bitch goes in there and makes a goddammed mess. It's like she's trying to pee while standing up on a speedboat. There is piss everygoddammwhere.

It's on the floor, too. Which begs the question, isn't she walking around in shoes she's fucking peed all over after she's done in there? Because if there's piss on the floor, then she HAS TO BE peeing on her feet, I'd imagine.

I'm at the point where I want to put up a sign. BUT. I have a strong suspicion that the offender is one of the Russian contract workers that works in a room down the hall from the ladies' room. There's one that's ALWAYS in that stall...talking to someone on her cell phone while she's in there, no less. She's gorgeous, and she's tall and skinny and has perfect fucking hair.

But she likely has piss on her shoes, so that takes away some of her magic for me, personally.

I want to put up a sign to tell the offender that if they're going to insist on pissing all over the damned place in there, then they should be ready to clean up after themselves. Or, hey, SIT DOWN! Because that is a pretty surefire way to not miss the bowl.

Will the Russian chicks know what my sign says? They must know pretty good English to be contracting at an American company, right? That's what I would think. But if anyone has any suggestions for a better way to communicate with this dirty fucking bitch, whoever she is, I'm open to suggestions.


faithstwin said...

There must be a way to tactfully write a sign that simply states how unsanitary it is to distribute(?) urine all over a public area and to please do their best to either urinate IN the toilet but if they have any accidental spray/spill/etc to PLEASE clean up after themselves? (and then in super small writing say something like, "I mean, it's simply gross and I can only imagine what your home must smell like.")

Have you considered its a very large or overweight woman who can't really tell where the opening is? Is that possible?

Xavier Onassis said...

Try this:

"Сидеть ваш шлюхой ass вниз вы опасного мочеиспускание сука."

(Roughly translated as "Sit your whore ass down you dangerous urinating bitch.")

Faith said...

I love the "dangerous" part, XO! Hahahahaha!

Twin, we have a larger woman in our part of the building, but she's down on the 2nd or 3rd floor, I believe. So she wouldn't be using a restroom on our floor, I don't think. I haven't seen her up here, anyway.

I'm a generally compassionate person when it comes to infirmities or certain situations making everyday activities more difficult for those who have to deal with them, really I am!

But that just isn't the case, here. I'm positive that this is a perfectly healthy, but also a perfectly GROSS woman that is squatting her ass in a hovered position over the toilet, basically hoping she hits her intended target, but not caring much when she doesn't. And hope isn't enough anymore, dammit.

faithstwin said...

Ahahaha! I love the dangerous bit, too. Nice, XO.

Well, it looks like it's gonna take a discreet note and I am betting you aren't the only woman using the restroom who is bugged by this. Srsly.

Well Hell Michelle said...

I would put up a sign. Something like "clean up after yourself" or "if you pee on the seat, for god's sake clean it up".