Monday, September 24, 2012

Now I'm just downright SICK.

This came on quick. Felt like a flu. FEELS like a flu. Everything hurts. My neck, my hands, my knees, my lower back, my head...

And I have a fever to boot! That's a fun dealio. Taking a shower this morning was painful. But it had to be done. I went and worked out, and it was about halfway through the workout that I realized I wasn't...ok. I managed to finish up without getting sick, and on the drive home, it was weird: my lips were hot, and my body was cold.

So I decided to climb back into bed for a little bit when I got back home, hairstyle be damned, and OHMYGOD it was so fucking cold! I didn't want to get out of bed to turn the fan away from me. (Flashback sequence begins here...just forgive me for my randomness. I have a fucking FEVER.) Last night, I had turned it away from the bed, because I was pretty chilly. I brought a blankey down from the upstairs closet, and huddled down for the night.

And then I woke up a couple hours later just BOILING. Of course. So I tried to get rid of the blankey, but Izzy wasn't having it, so Leo told me to just fold it over to the middle of us, in case I needed it again. That worked out. And then I turned the fan back in the direction of the bed. I woke up this morning without too much trouble at 4:35, and went to meet with the trainer at the gym.

And then all that stuff at the top of this post happened, and anyway, I'm fucking sick. I have a fan on me at work right now because my head is hot again. At least I don't have the shivers right now! I think that's the worst part of a damned fever, eh? I'm not sure. Maybe having the fever in the first place is the worst part?

I dunno where this thing came from, but the clinic I dropped in to earlier today said it was a virus. I have my acupuncture appointment tonight, so I'm going to ask him to do something to get rid of it. Just get it out of me! Don't care how many needles it takes! (I tolerate them well, though. If you're not a needle person, it's probly best you don't go up to an acupuncturist and say something like that to them.)

In the meantime, let's hope this isn't El Grande of the side effects from my new drug I'm taking for the hemifacial spasms. I'm already experiencing one of the side effects that I'm supposed to call my doctor immediately about when it happens, but I have an appointment with him on Friday, so it seems silly to call him now. The Twin said I should, though, so I will tomorrow. ::sigh::

I wish I had a normal face.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

It just saps you a lil' bit.

We're in the middle of a fundraiser time here at my office. All of our fundraiser events always last 2 weeks. This one in particular is unusually trying to a person because it comes at a time of year when we're all really busy, anyway. We don't have time for it.

But then you're all, "Oh, you don't have time for those needy people that could use your help? Oh, ok. ASSHOLE." And you do what you can to help. (Even if you've decided that this particular organization isn't your thing, and you plan on putting your donation towards something else in the future. ::whistling quietly and sliding out of the picture::)

And so your brain blows up slowly and not so un-bitchily.

On my way to work today, I needed to get over into the left lane so I could make an upcoming left turn. I put on my signal, and looked into my side mirror to make sure the person in that lane saw me, and gave me a little room.

Yeah, bitch closed IN on the person in front of her! Um, HELLO! Turn signal on! Obvs I need to get over, butt!

So I went ahead and got over. Because she was in a Lexus crossover, and I figured that she didn't wanna mess that pretty little thing up by letting my car hit her car by doing something that IT WAS SIGNALING IT NEEDED TO DO.

She backed off, and I was just chuckling at her audacity, and THEN I noticed that she had gotten over into the middle lane that I had been in. So she hadn't even needed to BE in the left fucking lane!

That made me laugh harder, and as I got into my turn lane, I couldn't help but look over at her car as it went by, and she was totally looking at me, so she got to see me full on laughing at her assholeness. (And I might've flipped her off...)

Why can't we all drive friendly*? Why couldn't she have just...let me in, in the first place? Because it was going to mess up her morning so fucking much? I mean, give me a goddammed break. Had she let me in when I signaled I needed to get over, I would have gotten over, and then she would have had the room to get over the way she apparently needed to, and we'd have both moved on with our day without any issue.

But instead, she had to be a dick.

I felt a little higher and mightier than her, not gonna lie. Because I had stuff in the trunk of my car for the moneyraiser my team was throwing today for the overall fundraiser that's going on at work right now. I was giving things to my group. Things that my husband had totally cooked for them, because he likes to give, too.

I'm hoping that after next week is over, the bitchiness will return to normal levels. And my brain will stop blowing up. We'll just have to wait and see, though, now, won't we? ::grins evilly::

*Once you act like a dick towards me, all bets are off, and I am TOTALLY allowed to flip you off and let you know that you are being a dick on the road. It's the rules.

Friday, September 14, 2012

My trainer told me to eat more fish.

That up there is what I was given when I ordered the salmon lunch from my favorite sushi place for lunch today.

I just wanted some salmon, and some rice. Maybe a little miso soup.

But HOLY FUCKBALLS! I got 3 pounds of food. 6 pieces of California roll (which I don't even like much), a salad, a big piece of salmon (as expected), a cup of rice (again, as expected), the miso soup (which was also expected), and then a whole bunch of tempura items which were NOT expected at all.

This is quite a deal for the $15 I was charged, I think. I was wondering why it was so much money until I lifted the bag and felt the heft of it all! But I couldn't open it and unload it until I got back to the office (they staple the bag together. It's like opening a present. For lunch. On a day that's not present-worthy at all. I like that, not gonna lie.), so I really had no idea what I was in for.

Anyway, I ate half the salmon, and half the rice, and most of the soup. I found out last night that ginger causes my candida to flare up, so I only had a couple of bites of the salad.

And I tried to resist the tempura, but DAMMIT, IT WAS RIGHT IN MY FACE!!! So I had a few bites, and then threw the rest away.

I feel all strong and powerful now, yo.

The other half of the salmon, the rice, and the California roll is in the fridge waiting to go home with me tonight. Yay for automatic breakfast tomorrow!

But srsly...WHOAH on the unexpectedly huge lunch.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

This is not that kind of day.

I saw my therapist today. She gave me some tools to work with that I think might help me be more successful when it comes to dealing with all these feelings I've been up against lately.

And I'll leave it at that. Because if I'm tired of talking about it, I'm sure you all are damned tired of reading about it!

So, instead, let's talk about my updated haircut. No one at work seems to recall that I had bangs before. For a LONG time. It does seem to have been quite a while ago, I guess. In that second photo down there, I was wearing an "I Voted" sticker. Was that in the last election? Not sure.

And then I grew my hair out...
And after that, I grew the bangs out, cut my hair again, but didn't cut the bangs, and...

...OH MY GOD, this is as boring as the doctor shit, isn't it? UGH.

Anyway, I cut my hair last week. Got my bangs again. Most people tell me they like it now that I've been doing it in a curly style.
THE END. Fuck me sideways...

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I though I was doing better. But...maybe not?

I just went to a neurology appointment.

One that I cancelled last month. Because I had to go in earlier due to the extreme side effects I was experiencing from the drug he had prescribed to me.

I just had that appointment less than a week and a half ago. But it didn't register until I pulled into the parking lot at the doc's office that I had set up the next appointment for 4 weeks from that last one. (So I don't see him again until the 28th.)

That's a little bit of a problem, isn't it?

Should I even be driving myself around right now, I wonder?

Jesus Christ.

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Continuing to work through the mucky muck.

(I could use a little Wonderboy right now, actually. I think I know what I'm listening to on the way home from work!)

I had my final "free" (i.e. sponsored by work) session with my therapist today. I really think she's a great fit for me, which is just wonderful. I'm going to continue to see her, hopefully on a weekly basis for a while, and see if we can't get through these absolutely ridiculous ups and downs that I continue to experience lately.

Today is a down day. Crying jags, moments when I wish I could bang my head on my desk to just help me get over it, and then happy moments like when the Twin and I are talking and she does something that's exactly like what her youngest would do, and makes me laugh.

I told my therapist that I think I might know what's going on. A little bit, anyway. I like to self-diagnose. (Who doesn't???) Anyway, part of the problem with the pills I have to take for my stupid fucking hemifacial spasm is that they are also prescribed to people who are bipolar.

When I was a kid, my brother hid a dose of his ritalin on the floor by the leg of the kitchen table. I was crawling around, and found it, and put it in my mouth. Not long after, I was apparently speaking/babbling about a mile a minute, running all over the place, and basically acting like I was a cartoon on speed.

Mom freaked out a little, because not long before (maybe the night before...not sure), my aunt had been holding me, and dropped me, and I hit my head in the process. So mom thought that I was having a reaction to the hitting of the head.

I'm not sure how it came to light, but eventually, she figured out that I had taken my brother's dose of ritalin, and was reacting to THAT and not the head hitting thing.

Moral to the story: people who aren't supposed to take ritalin will have the opposite reaction to the drug when it gets in their system. Bro was taking it to calm down. I took it, and SPED THE FUCK UP.

(Side note: The Twin might remember this story as something that happened to her. We do that sometimes. Like the time she stepped on a broken shell on a beach in North Carolina when we were kids, and couldn't swim the rest of the day because of the bandages she had to wear? Yeah, I still swear that was ME that happened to! It's weird.)

Anyway, is it possible that the drugs I'm taking to help ease my twitch are causing me to have bipolar symptoms? Not to belittle bipolarness, or those who actually have the disease (it's a disease, right?), but it's just something I started wondering about lately.

My new drug is carbamazepine. I'm slowly weaning off the clonazepam, and slowly weaning onto the carbamahgjatyjfdapine. (Seriously, why can't these drugs have easy names like "Bob" or "Lennie", kind of like how we name tropical storms and shit...) But it's funny that in the PubMed Health page that I've been reading for help with understanding my meds better, that it specifically states the following for this current one: "There is a risk that you may experience changes in your mental health if you take an antiepileptic medication such as carbamazepine, but there may also be a risk that you will experience changes in your mental health if your condition is not treated. You and your doctor will decide whether the risks of taking an antiepileptic medication are greater than the risks of not taking the medication." That is exactly the dilemma here, isn't it? My double-edged sword. My fucking stupid catch-22. I either take the drugs, and have less of a problem with the twitch, or I don't and I lose my mind because my face is fucking twitching the fuck out.

Anyway, Leo knows what to watch for with all these drugs. So I feel relatively safe while taking them. And I'm under the watch of loads of doctors, and all that good stuff, so we'll get it worked out, I'm sure. Just wanted to give an update.

It's all good times around up in this head, people. Goood tiiiimes. ::sigh::