Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Building emotional strength can be exhausting!

So we went to Chicago and South Bend over the weekend. It was a GREAT time...had fun seeing family and friends, and watching what turned out to be a pretty awesome Notre Dame game.

But stuff happened while we were visiting. Leo had a pretty huge attack of childhood flashbacks after hanging out with his brothers on Friday night, and not in a good way. It took a lot of effort to calm him down, and I know that his brain is still burning with the pain, and mine is as well in a way, thanks to my protective instincts kicking in after seeing him in that kind of state.

Saturday was a bit rough around the edges, and while the centerpiece of the activity went off relatively smoothly (the tailgating and the actual game), the post-game activity of figuring out how to get back together with friends who had driven separately, and all that fun...it did not go well. We have a better idea of how to do it in the future, I suppose. ::shrugs::

I don't like how I reacted to the annoyance after the game, though. A lot goes into that kind of emotion, really...being tired, being stuck in a large crowd that was all mixed up in it's direction, wanting to sit in a comfy chair after having been on a bleacher seat for 3 hours.

But it doesn't matter. I want to figure out how to behave better under those circumstances. It's a goal of mine to try to figure out how to behave more graciously when I'm in a group setting where things aren't going 100% perfectly. I hate the idea that it might be effecting peoples' perception of me as a person, as a sister, and as a friend.

I'm trying. Not sure how long it will take for me to change, but I AM trying, dammit!

Anyway, we're home for a month, and then I'll have the chance to try all over again when we go back up to see everyone again for Thanksgiving.

And then I can just let myself be the bitch that I apparently am when we go back to California for Christmas week in December. Because if anyone can handle it, it's my brother and sisters! :P

(Ok, not really...I'm trying to change for the better in ALL relationships. It just might take longer in some cases than others, of course!)

Being a grown-up is HARD.

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