Monday, October 01, 2012

Destruction and weakness...not my favorite things.

I spent all of last week going up and down on the fever scale, mostly unable to eat, which then lead to me having a very hard time taking medicine that might help, which then lead to me throwing up.

I had an appointment with my neurologist on Friday morning that wiped me out (leaving the house to go anywhere at all was pretty taxing), but he requested some blood tests that I'm hoping will give me some answers.

Today, I'm exhausted from something as simple as walking in to my office from the parking garage 50 feet away. I'm hot. I don't know when I'll be able to work out again, which is terrifying to me, because it's almost like I can feel the hard work I've been doing for years just melt away in the past 10 days. Going up a set of stairs winds me so much, I need to lean on a counter to recover! So how the fuck will I be able to get on a treadmill again anytime soon???

My appetite has kind of returned. I'm hungry for very specific things, and I'm trying to keep it bland for the time being. I can generally only eat half of what's put in front of me, if that. But not throwing it up is a plus in my book, and the fact that there's nourishment staying in my stomach for long stretches at a time is keeping me hopeful that soon my body will be back to being able to do cardio/weight work...oh hell, that I can do something as simple as walk up the stairs to my car in the parking garage again soon, instead of taking the elevator!

I'm pretty hard on myself, I think. I don't know why that's the case, but I know it's true. I still felt pretty fucking crappy as of Saturday morning because, while my appetite seemed to be slowly returning, and my fever was disappearing, I still had the headache I'd had for over 6 days. And that can be MADDENING, even to someone like me who is pretty well-versed in the whole dealing with the pain in the head dealio.

So why am I so upset with myself for having to cancel on my personal trainer this morning at 4:30 a.m. when I realized that it was a pretty bad idea to think I could jump back in to a schedule like that so quickly after having been so ill?

Dunno. I just am.

I just have to remember that this virus stuff...sometimes it lasts longer than a week. I might still be fighting it. And that's not my fault! None of this is my fault. It's just part of being a human...

::sigh:: It really sucks to be a human sometimes.

1 comment:

statia said...

My trainer said that he doesn't care how in shape you are, going up a flight of steps will make you feel like an out of shape piece of shit. Which is totally true. Five minutes on a stair master, and I was DYING.