Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I only cried a little bit in my neuro's office.

People have started to notice my twitching at work. They didn't say anything about it until I told them I was going to the neurologist, so maybe they felt that it was ok to speak about it openly once they heard me mention it. It's no biggy. I like all of the people I work with. I'd rather them feel comfortable with the spasming when they see it, and I think that knowing that I'm not expecting them to be able to ignore it is helpful for all of us.

One of my coworkers mentioned me being able to make an easy milkshake when he heard me talking about/saw my hand tremor. That made me laugh...he's a good dude.

My right arm has progressed in the tremors it's experiencing. My hand is constantly tremoring now. (Is tremoring a word? It's in constant tremor, is what I mean.) I told the doctor about the head-cocking thing, and he said it sounds like something called "dystonia", but he isn't sure.

He's only had one other patient with hemifacial spasms, ever, and that person's symptoms reacted well to the first med he prescribed for them. So this is all new territory for him, apparently.

He's scheduling an MRI. He's referring me to a doctor at KU Med that is apparently focussed on disorders like HFS and stuff, and is an expert at Botox treatment for this sort of stuff. He prescribed the next level of med that's supposed to have an effect on HFS, but I'll start out slow with it since it's a valium-type drug, or some shit. Yay. That should help me stay alert and perky during meetings! O_0

Hopefully, it won't be long before I can get in to see this other doctor who might know more about how to help me. Hopefully, the MRI will detect something that's treatable.

But the more I think about this shit, the worse it seems to be, so I'll stop talking about it for the time being. I'm losing my mind. I can't keep going down that path, so I need to focus on other shit for a while. If anyone knows of any weird, funky, interesting news stories I need to read to get my mind on other things going on in the world, link to them in the comments, ok? :)

Monday, July 30, 2012

I'm officially obsessed with my HFS.

I'm going to see my neurologist for a follow-up appointment tomorrow with regard to the hemifacial spasm diagnosis that he gave me the last time I went to see him.

The medicine he prescribed did pretty much nothing to help. It did a few other things (made me quite sleepy when I took it after drinking wine; gave me an antsy feeling in my ankles when I first started taking it; gave me headaches), but it never really helped at all with the twitching.

And at this point, I've developed this fun new twitch in my right hand. It happens when I'm working out, it happens when I'm typing, it happens when I'm asleep (which I'm made aware of when I wake up and my hand is in a nifty spasm episode that makes my forefinger and thumb stick together in a claw-like formation)...so it's pretty much all the time, and it's driving me to madness.

Actually, as of today, I'm feeling twitchy all fucking over my body. WOO! It's like I have a slight electric current running through my veins all the damned time.

Another thing that I've noticed, that I'm not sure if it's related at all, but I've started to cock my head a lot. Like, I'll be watching a movie, and suddenly realize that I have my head cocked to the right shoulder. So I correct it. And 5 minutes later, it's cocked the other way.

This also happens in meetings; when I'm laying by the pool; or when I'm hanging out at the bar with Leo.

And then there are moments like right now. Small moments that come and go, when nothing is twitching; there is no spasm; everything feels normal for a fleeting 3 or 4 minutes.

Yep! There goes the eye. AUGH!!!!!

I've been doing a lot of research about this over the last week. I've been getting very sad and teary when I think about it much, but I can't stop looking into options. I saw a commercial over the weekend for a neurology institute that's here in Kansas City (at St. Luke's), and looked that up today. I thought it was a sign that the commercial came on and I saw it for the first time when I'm going through such a hard time with this whole issue...but I think they focus more on strokes at the institute. The website didn't mention hemifacial spasms at all.

So I looked into other links. And found a video of this lovely older woman who had to have the microvascular decompression surgery (it's one of the treatments for HFS), and was talking about her experience with HFS and how much she loved her doctor for being able to help her. He's a dude at USC; I wrote his name down; I am considering contacting his office if my neurologist doesn't help me find a solution to all of this crap soon.

I'm so afraid that no one will be able to help me with this anytime soon. And it's so annoying, y'all. So, so fucking obnoxious to constantly feel yourself twitch twitch twitch all the damned livelong day (and NIGHT!). Think still thoughts for me and my face, would ya? I'll let you know what happens with the neurologist after I meet with him in the morning tomorrow...

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Sometimes, we have a little too much time on our hands.

Me: Do you think that we should be referring to Jake and Izzy as boyfriend/girlfriend instead of brother/sister?

Leo: No! Why?

Me: Because! They aren't related. In fact, Izzy is a bit of a cougar, just like me.

Leo: Or she's an older sister.

Me: Meh. They hump each other. They get all sad when they're separated from each other at the play place. They love each other! I think they're boyfriend/girlfriend.

Leo: They're brother and sister.

Me: Whatever, butt.


My mind is occupied with scary things lately. So conversations like this are actually refreshing ones for me to have with Leo. If you want to see why my mind is all fucked up, just go Google "hemifacial spasms" and check out the images that pop up.

I see my neurologist on Tuesday next week for a follow up to our last appointment 6 weeks ago. And I get to talk to him about CT scans, Botox, and what the FUCK we can do to make sure my face doesn't wind up becoming even more of a twisted mess than it already is. The pointer finger on my right hand has started to involuntarily twitch on a daily basis now, too.

And if there isn't a good reason behind it all, then dammit, I'm going to lose my shit.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Being a woman is so freaking *weird* sometimes!

Today, I feel matronly and un-cute.

But just two days ago, I felt super-cute and awesome.

How does that happen, huh? How do I look so fucking cute (to myself, anyway) one day, and then totally blah 24 hours later? I don't get it.

Tonight, Leo and I will be heading out with some friends to see the Tenacious D concert in midtown. I am totally excited and actually am already anticipating the sadness I'll feel when I no longer have the concert to look forward to anymore. That's just how excited I am to see them live.

I'm gonna do my best to look adorable by the time we head out. I need different shoes. And a better dress. So I have plans, at least, for making myself look better. We'll see how they pan out!

On a totally different note, I have a ladies' room issue to discuss again. Someone is consistently peeing all over the fucking seat in my favorite stall here at work. Consistently. Like, every day, bitch goes in there and makes a goddammed mess. It's like she's trying to pee while standing up on a speedboat. There is piss everygoddammwhere.

It's on the floor, too. Which begs the question, isn't she walking around in shoes she's fucking peed all over after she's done in there? Because if there's piss on the floor, then she HAS TO BE peeing on her feet, I'd imagine.

I'm at the point where I want to put up a sign. BUT. I have a strong suspicion that the offender is one of the Russian contract workers that works in a room down the hall from the ladies' room. There's one that's ALWAYS in that stall...talking to someone on her cell phone while she's in there, no less. She's gorgeous, and she's tall and skinny and has perfect fucking hair.

But she likely has piss on her shoes, so that takes away some of her magic for me, personally.

I want to put up a sign to tell the offender that if they're going to insist on pissing all over the damned place in there, then they should be ready to clean up after themselves. Or, hey, SIT DOWN! Because that is a pretty surefire way to not miss the bowl.

Will the Russian chicks know what my sign says? They must know pretty good English to be contracting at an American company, right? That's what I would think. But if anyone has any suggestions for a better way to communicate with this dirty fucking bitch, whoever she is, I'm open to suggestions.

Friday, July 20, 2012

No flippancy on a day like today.

I was going to talk about how Leo went to get Lasik today, and how his surgery almost cost as much as my boob job did, but took literally 10 minutes to do, and how we were coming up with ways to keep him from rubbing his eyes in the 1st days post-op like duct-taping his hands to his knees so he wouldn't be able to reach them.

And then maybe about how fucking hot it is outside, and how it's going to get hotter (HOW???), and how much time will be spent in the pool for the next 7 days.

Or about how my personal trainer warned me that the PIYO class (a mix of pilates and yoga) I want to take tomorrow at the gym will be tough to follow since they do a sort of set routine with their moves, and how I was all, "Well, guess what a great was is to learn those routines? By going to the class!"

And maybe make a comment about how you can always tell when you're looking at a Kennedy because they all have those TEETH.

But it all just seems so fucking stupid now.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

UPDATED: What the hell do these things mean?

Guys, I've been stuck behind these minisuvees lately that have these random stickers on them that I simply do NOT understand. The Honda came first. I saw the "I [heart] 26.3" on it, and then the 13.1 one on the other side when I was stuck behind them at a signal on Monday night, and I was trying to work it out, but came up with nothing. So I snapped a pic to ask about it out here.


And THEN I was behind this Lexus last night, and saw a similar sticker that says 26.2 on it...

The fuck, people? Someone please tell me what the hell these stickers are so I can judge the people that have them more effectively? THANKS IN ADVANCE! (Oh, and if you have a sticker like this, and think you're all cool for communicating with other sticker club members on the road, just know that I'm judging you. I'm trying to give up judging people so much lately, but when it comes to stickers on cars, I can't help it. It's genetic. I judge the HELL out of people who put stickers on cars, especially when they MAKE NO SENSE to anyone in the general public.)

Update: Ok, I've been told what the stickers mean. And I feel like an idiot, because I totally thought the one sticker on the Honda said "I [heart] 26.3" when it actually says "I [heart] 26.2" on it. Which, of course, makes sense. (Even if I do still have a hard time understanding why anyone would love running that much, unless it's because they're running for their lives from a bear, and they win in the end by surviving. But, whatever floats your boat!) So this whole post was kind of idiotic, because I probably could have eventually worked that all out on my own.

Or maybe not. I mean, if THIS confused me, who knows what kind of state my brain is in these days! Maybe the propranolol is turning it to mush. That would suck, wouldn't it?

Monday, July 16, 2012

I'm mildly obsessed with boots...

Do you think that if I did a search for mid-calf, wide shaft, flat boots, I'd wind up with anything other than a bunch of scary pics of big dicks?

Because I'm really not in the mood to look at dicks right now.

Or am I the only one that thinks dirty things when I see the word "shaft"? O_o

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

So, that's gonna be weird. O_0 (A post about the ABC/Hearst/Time Warner "impasse" that went into play on July 9, 2012)

I turned on my TV in the bathroom this morning after my shower to see if my ABC affiliate had officially been dropped from my Time Warner Cable distribution. After a random commercial for "Stretch Genie", which should have been my first clue, the end of an episode of Matlock popped on, and I had my answer.

How odd is it that we simply don't have ABC as an option anymore in the entire Kansas City area, if we are Time Warner customers? How long before we get it back? I HATE going without my mindless GMA in the morning, but I'm going to hate it even more if I can't watch Modern Family, The Middle, and Happy Endings (yes, we're one of the few households that watch it) when they're back with new episodes in the Fall, or whenever.

What do we do about this? Change our cable provider? Do we even have another cable option in this town? I'm not switching to a dish method...I can't go without TV in a thunderstorm. I'd lose my mind. So what happens now? Call the station? Call Time Warner? Call Hearst and ask them to be more reasonable? Or is it Time Warner that's at fault for this?

Is AT&T Uverse a good idea? I don't like AT&T. Not at all. So that doesn't help. But I don't like Time Warner very much right now, either, to be fair.

On the KMBC website, it says, "Our signal remains available over the air for free and also on other cable systems," but what the hell does the "over the air for free" thing mean? I don't understand old technology anymore. They have a link to something called "antennaweb" on the site, so I can determine what kind of antenna we'll need, but come on. What am I gonna do, unhook my cable every morning and hook up the antenna so I can watch GMA, and then unhook it and rehook up to cable so we can watch other cable programming the rest of the day/night?

No. No I will not.

Instead, I watched NBC for news this morning. And almost punched my TV when Al Roker got all jokey on the couch at the end of the 1st hour.

So, they need to come to an agreement. This sort of thing can't possibly fly for a very long period of time. Any suggestions on what I can do as an effected consumer are welcome. (Any commentary on my level of TV watching is not. I like TV. I'm not ashamed of that. So if you wanna judge me, you can fuck right off.)

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

I think I'm going to die of hunger. Goodbye, cruel world!

I'm waiting for my boss to dismiss us early for the holiday. I was hoping he'd do it at noon, but no word yet! And I didn't bring a lunch, or plan to go get one because I figured on him letting us go early.

So I'm sitting here, basically forcing my stomach to eat itself. (I had a small breakfast. Oops!)

Wouldn't that be weird if, after about an hour or so of being too hungry, your stomach just started pulling in nutrients and satisfying itself by using the fat stores on your body? And then you wouldn't be hungry anymore, and you could get on with your day?

I mean, it would have to have limits, of course. But srsly. Scientists or doctors or wonder-mop creators that are bored should get on that kind of invention, STAT. You know you're bored, wonder-mop people! It's been quite some time since you invented that thing, so let's move on to more important stuff, eh?

Good GOD, it's 12:10 now. I'm going to die. UGH...