Friday, December 21, 2012

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I'm reconsidering the brain surgery thing.

My appointment with the neurosurgeon is tomorrow. We're just discussing the option of the microvascular decompresion surgery to get rid of my hemifacial spasm, but two issues are on my mind:

- It's supposed to snow for the first time this season overnight tonight. My appointment isn't until 2 in the afternoon, but still...we're not sure how much snow to expect, and I just HATE getting out on the road on the first snowy drive day of the year. I'd much rather avoid that aggro if possible. (I'm not afraid to drive in it...but rather, I'm afraid of those around me that are afraid/have a lack of sense when it comes to driving in it!)

- My spasm has calmed WAY DOWN in the last 2 months. It's still there...my face is still off kilter all the time. But it doesn't bother me as much as it had been doing. My vision is ok, and my twitching isn't as severe when it's happening. That makes it much more tollerable, in the long run.

So should I even look into the surgery if I don't have to right now? Maybe I should put it off for a while, and look into it again in a year or so.

That's basically all that's on my mind right now. (Aside from the myriad issues that have popped up for the Twin over the last few weeks that I'm not sure she's so keen on sharing with my readers, so I've been keeping them to myself. Just wanted to make sure you all knew that I wasn't all consumed with only ONE THING right now.)

Although considering brain surgery isn't exactly like picking out a new dress. It's definitely an important issue to consider, if you have to consider it at all!

Anyway, I hope everyone is staying safe and warm in the last few days before the Christmas holiday, and that everyone who celebrates Hanukkah had a great one this year. Not sure if I'll be updating again before next week, so ta for now!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

The first of its kind.

An online friend passed away early this morning after a long time battle with brain cancer, tumors, seizures, and painful blood clots that really fucking sucked and GODDAMMIT.

I'm having a hard time moving past the shock of the news. I just read about it a few minutes ago, really, so I guess I need to give myself more time to let it sink in. But still...is it weird that I'm feeling this way about a person and their family when I've never had the true pleasure of actually meeting them?

Her name is Ashley. And she had a lovely husband, and a beautiful little girl. And a case of tumors that just would not let her be.

And now she's gone. And finally has some peace!

But at what expense???

All I can say is rest in peace, lovely Ashley. Your family loves you. Your online community loves you. And you will be SO MISSED. :(

Friday, December 07, 2012

Can I have a moat installed around my intestines, maybe?

I'm sick again. Not as sick as the last time I got sick. But I guess that really remains to be seen, since I'm either at the beginning of something not fun, or it's just a 24/36/48 hours of something not fun. We'll have to wait it out a bit to be sure.

No fever this time, but the stomach pain, nausea, and Intestinal Issues Which Shall Remain Nameless are about as enjoyable as a fever would be. I ate a popsicle for breakfast yesterday, stayed home from work so I could keep the misery to myself, drank Sprite and water intermittently, and then ate soup and rice for dinner.

That went about as well as I expected it to. I was hungry, but my stomach was having NONE OF IT! To which I say, CAN YOU MAKE UP YOUR DAMNED MIND, STOMACH???

I went to bed moaning and feeling sorry for myself, but somehow managed to make it through the night without getting up at all. (Well, except for once at about 11:30, when I thought it would be fun to yell at Leo for no reason. Don't ask, because I cannot explain it for the life of me. ::shrugs::)

Today I feel more chipper, and the stomach pain is definitely less apparent, but the other stuff (the nausea, the lack of appetite, and the...um, additional problems) is hanging in there. I'm at work, drinking an iced tea (caarefully....), and trying to ignore any sharp pains that come and go in the stomach region.

I don't know how the fuck I got this, is the issue. I've been taking my probiotics (which my trainer likes to refer to as "expensive placebos", but dammit, my ass is better than it's been in 5 years, so if it takes expensive placebos to achieve ass happiness? I will TAKE those expensive placebos until death, thankyouverymuch!), washing my hands a lot, staying away from any little people that might come across my path inadvertently...

So where did this damned bug come from? I almost wonder if it's my own fault; if it's my Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man of the week because I really needed help getting back on a weight-loss track before I get weighed/measured again by my trainer (supposed to happen yesterday morning, but I was too sick to go to the gym), so earlier this week I actually thought about whether I'd be willing to be sick again like the last time in order to lose 5 more pounds...?

Yes, this is how my sad-ass brain works, my friends. I'm not anorexic; I'm not bulimic; I'm...whatever you would call someone who looks to intestinal problems for help with losing weight. Awesome.

But not really.

I don't think. Hmm. :/

Ok, this is turning more into a private journal thing, and less of a blog post thing. SO. Happy Friday! I hope your intestines are treating you well!

Monday, December 03, 2012

They don't really use a fork, right...?

I'm considering brain surgery. For my hemifacial spasm. You know, the thing that I've talked about before when it was literally driving me so crazy, I came close to shutting myself into my basement and never coming out again?

Yep. Brain surgery. :/

I can try botox first. It's a less permanent (but still relatively useful) method to the madness that is a constant full facial twitch. I'd have to go in every 3 - 6 months for injections. And there's a possibility that my eye wouldn't close properly, or that I'd still feel the twitching underneath the botox treatment, which is basically a big ol' nightmare for me.

The surgery would be permanent.

But its on, um, the brain and all that good stuff.

I'm meeting with the neurosurgeon on the 20th. And the neurologist I met with that offered the botox as a solution was a very nice guy. I felt bad turning down his botox offer in such a final manner, but he handled it well. He told me to feel free to email him if I have questions, even after I see the surgeon. He said he can translate for me if I don't understand certain stuff the surgeon tells me.

I talked to my sister last week about the whole thing. She's a doctor of pharmacy, and a pretty smart cookie. She said she has botox injections all the time (she's close to 50 years old, so she uses it for laugh lines, or what have you), and she asked me to consider that before I would just run all gung ho into a situation where someone is operating on my brain.

But the thing is, the botox...it wouldn't be injected into lines between my eye brows. Or to help with crows feet near my temples.

It would be injected into strategic spots that are known to help with the hemifacial spasming. Like into the inner corners of my eyelid, and also on the outer edge of the same eyelid. And then in my cheek. And possibly into the corner of my mouth. I might wind up with an uneven look to my face, since the injections would just be on the left side. And then there's that whole "needle injecting POISON into my EYELID" issue to consider. That's where people have had trouble with not being able to fully close their eye again for months after the injection. Or the mouth thing...people just drool involuntarily because of that one, sometimes.

But, it ain't brain surgery! No one would be sticking a fork into my neuro bits!

::sigh::

I don't know why my neuro-system seems to hate me so much, but I suppose it could be worse. So I'll just count my blessings. BLAH.