I feel tired, run down, and generally icky right now. I don't know why. Maybe I need more rest. Maybe I need more vacation time. Maybe I need more cake.
(Please, God, let it be the cake thing!*)
I've been seeing a hypnotherapist for a while now, trying to learn how to change my brain when it comes to food. It's hard work. I know that sounds stupid, but changing the brain is a really hard thing to do, when it gets right down to it. I see my therapist once a week, and then outside of therapy, I am supposed to listen to my hypnotherapy CDs, work in a workbook, and read through a companion guide to the program.
But I've lost track of listening to the CDs the way I'm supposed to. The weekly appointments are something I still look forward to, but kind of see as a bit of a chore because of the "homework" I'm supposed to do, but haven't made time for.
And I seem to have gotten fatter since I started the program.
I feel mentally fine with this, a majority of the time. Sometimes, I try on a dress that I thought might work, and it doesn't, and I go, "Meh," and get a little mad about it. But I move on quickly.
I haven't cried about being fat in a while. So that's a step in the right direction, in my book.
But lately, I really have noticed that I'm not devoting myself to the changes I want to make the way I planned to initially. And I'm wondering why that is? Because I totally want to make the change.
And that's something I need to talk to my therapist about, now that I see it in writing like that, so I guess it's good that I wrote it out.
I've learned a lot about myself (and others) throughout this hypnotherapy process, though. That's been pretty invaluable to me, overall. My brain is more powerful than I ever gave it credit for. But training it is as hard as it's always been.
I need more power behind my convictions, dammit. Is that something I can find on eBay?
*I don't need more cake.