It's been a few days since my last post, and it's pretty fuckin' amazing how different I feel this week.
I've been seeing that nutritionist for a little while now, and through the help of supplements and dietary changes, I've been trying to get my hormones and general levels of toxicity under control for the past 6 weeks. Under his supervision, of course. Seeing the hypnotherapist in conjunction with the changes has been instrumental in the work I'm doing.
Last Wednesday, I felt like I'd hit rock bottom. I'd been in the early stage of a cleanse that the nutrition doc put me on, and I was so sad for two reasons:
1. I had weighed myself over the weekend to see if there was any small chance that the changes in my diet (lowered amounts of cals, quite a few supplements, and dropping my intake of caffeine and ditching alcohol all together) had made a difference yet. And it had! I was down 2 pounds after just a few days.
When I weighed myself again Wednesday morning to make sure I was still on the right track, I had somehow gone UP half a pound. And I was PIIIIISSED.
2. Leo and I had plans to go to the dog park for a long walk, and they got fucked up because he forgot about a different appointment he had right about the time we were getting ready to go.
Those two absolutely ridiculously silly issues set me on a downward spiral that involved crying, anger, more crying, some yelling, and some relatively crazy comments aimed at Leo such as, "Why does it matter what I want for dinner? Apparently the world revolves around you, so let's just do what LEO wants to do!" (I also got pissed when I saw him doing the dishes. Don't ask...it's just embarrassing for me to explain it any further.)
Anyway, I sent an email to my nutrition doc asking him WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME??? Because the emotions I was feeling...they were not normal, yo. He called me pretty quickly, and said that my liver was releasing a lot of anger in response to the cleanse. He wanted me to drink more water, work out more, and just keep at it because it might last another few days, but would eventually subside.
I acted like a pouty child whose favorite toy got accidentally thrown away for the rest of that day.
And then Thursday, I felt 100% better. It was so weird.
At this point in the cleanse, I'm down to 1 week left (it's a 3 week cleanse), and I feel fantastic. Much more in control of my mood, my body, my cravings...everything. I'm eating anywhere from 1100 - 1300 calories per day, and I am not hungry. It's good stuff, too. All fruits, veggies, proteins (with the exception of pork and shrimp, which are apparently made of evil, according to the guidelines of this particular cleanse), fats...and at this point in the process, I can have small amounts of alcohol, which are easily fitting into the total calorie count without causing any problems. (However, it makes me feel a bit icky when I drink it, so I'm keeping it minimal right now.)
Feeling this in control is awesome. Especially after the meltdown I had last week! All of your encouraging comments were so helpful and appreciated, so thanks for listening when I just didn't know what else to do.
I'm pretty broken, but I'm not a total lost cause. Yay for having found the right guidance, finally!