Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Every. fuckin'. time.

Every time we go out of town, I place an online order right before we go.

Yes, you heard me correctly. I order shit online - clothes, housewares, more clothes, a large DESK that came in 7 different boxes weighing anywhere from 18 pounds to 85 pounds separately, etc... - and then promptly leave town for several days.

I wish I were exaggerating. I really do. But I think we have been on one trip in the last year where I haven't ordered something that was delivered while we were out of town. Maybe. I honestly can't remember. (I'm getting old, and my brain is sad and feeble. Which might be an explanation for why I do this sort of thing...)

You might be asking, "Faith, are you some kind of special idiot?"

Yes. Yes I am. Other people have told me so (these people are also known as "the people we have to call to get the stuff off our porch and dragged to someplace safe from the elements and the criminals", a.k.a. our personal trainer/good friend, Alan), my husband has told me so (in a nicer way than Alan does), and even I have told me so.

I'm aware. I get it.

But I'm pretty close to perfect in most other respects, so I forgive myself and move on with life. (Unlike SOME OTHER people, i.e. that Alan guy. He has plans for the stuff I order the next time we go out of town and have to call him for help. Fortunately, we have more friends than just him. So nyah nyah, Alan. SUCK IT!) (And also, I hate lunges...please stop asking me to do lunges!)

One time, Alan had to come to our house to help out with around 25 pounds of bison I had ordered online the previous week. I forgot about how the company's shipments work, and it came the day we left town, too late for us to receive ourselves. So he had to drag the box inside, and then put all that meat into our deep freezer in the basement for us. Sooo, he kind of has good reason for getting mad whenever I do this sort of thing from here on out, I suppose. (But it is still no excuse for making me do LUNGES!)

The desk thing was NOT MY FAULT though. I ordered that thing on a Tuesday, and it said that the estimated shipping date wasn't for 5 - 7 business days. We were going out of town for a wedding that Thursday, but would return the following Monday, so I figured we had plenty of time!

Fuck if they didn't ship that damned desk the following day. Fine, I thought...we'll have to worry about it maybe sitting on the porch for a few hours on Monday, but no biggy, right? I thought that FOR SURE since it was being shipped via UPS Ground, it would take a few days to get to us, and with 2 of those days being a weekend, we would be fine!

I checked the tracking info as we sat at lunch that Thursday to see where the desk was at in its transport process. Yeah, that would be LEFT AT FRONT PORCH at about 10:30 a.m. that morning. (Um, we had left the house about 2 hours before that. We were driving to Indianapolis. We totally could have waited had we known, goddammit.) There were 7 HUGE boxes just sitting on our front porch waiting for us to bring them inside.

So I texted my old boss to see if he could help, but I didn't really expect him to respond or to be able to do anything on such short notice. We discussed whether we should contact Alan, but I knew that would be a terrible plan. Then Leo had a thought, and he called our contractor who had redone our master bedroom. Fortunately, he was close by, and graciously agreed to help.

My old boss did respond after a bit, though, and said he'd have been happy to help, but he was glad we found someone that could assist us.

Anyway, it was a fuck up, but it wasn't MY fuck up, IMO. But it taught me a valuable lesson!

Yeah, no it didn't.

Last week, Leo and I went up to Chicago/South Bend to visit family and friends, and to watch a Notre Dame vs USC game. We left Thursday morning.

And guess what I had done earlier that week?

YUP. I had ordered some stuff online. It was stuff I needed, though! Pink gloves to complete my Halloween costume! Halloween was only two weeks away at the time, and I hadn't been able to find pink gloves ANYWHERE, so I had to get them when I saw them!!! And then Sephora warned me that my VIB status was going to expire if I didn't place an order, so I had to order some makeup from Sephora! It's not like it was just unnecessary stuff!

Eh-em.

Anywayyys, we were in a pickle yet again. So I suggested we ask a neighbor for help this time. And he did. And they totally collected all the random little packages that arrived while we were gone, because they are awesome. And while we were away, the car dealership sent me a tin of giant chocolate chip cookies as a thank you for buying my new Jeep from them a couple of weeks ago. So when Leo went to get the packages from the neighbors when we got back last week, he was able to give them a big "Thank You" tin of cookies that looked delicious (but of course, I couldn't eat them, dammit! ::cries:: ), and everything basically worked out perfectly because I am pretty close to perfect, as previously stated, and that's how my karma works out, yo.

This week, we are headed to New Orleans for a fun weekend with our pal Lyn. We're so excited! We head down on Thursday, and will get back next week, and I was so damned proud of myself for not making the whole ordering-something-right-before-a-trip mistake that I even mentioned it to Leo the other day. He was very happy to hear it!

Here's to me breaking the cycle of stupid!!! ::clink clink!::

Side note: Did anybody else pre-order Allie Brosh's book back in July? I did, and I am SO EXCITED to get it! I just got a note today letting me know that it...um...it shipped. Huh. Better open that email to see when it's due to arr...GODDAMMIT!!!

5 comments:

faithstwin said...

Oh shit. I totally sent you tea- it's going to be there Thurs sometime before 5. =/

Faith said...

Hahahaha! Of course. OF COURSE. :P Listen, it just wouldn't be normal anymore if something didn't arrive while we're gone. So you've just helped us maintain status quo, dude. No probs. :D

faithstwin said...

I'm kidding. It's still on my ottoman at home. I hate the post office. I'll send it eventually...

Average Jane said...

I got my copy of the book yesterday, so you should be fine. :)

Faith said...

Mine showed up yesterday, too. I can read it while traveling now! Woohoo!!! :D

Twin, the housekeeper would've brought it in for us if you had sent it. But I'm glad you didn't yet. (Um, put it in the mail, please. I would like some teeaaaa!!!)